To feel sad that my toddler ignores me ?!

[RoseHippy1]

Hello wise ones,

Please be gentle with me as I’m very tired and hormonal....

I feel silly about this and normally laugh it off but tonight I got a bit down about it....

Basically DD 20 months goes to childminder two days per week and has done since 10 months , loves it there and has bags of fun. She used to come and hug me when I arrived at pick up but hasn’t done this as much for a few months, mostly just carries on with her toy of choice ... normal I think and shows she’s settling in and doesn’t get too emotional about pick up and drop off. For the past 2-3 months though, she totally ignores me at pick up and runs , with a huge beaming grin and squealing with delight , into the arms of another mum !!

The other mum is a nice smiley women and is the mum of my DDs favourite playmate. She only sees this mum at drop off and pick up, and occasionally at a playgroup. She’s always given her hugs when she sees her , which is lovely, but a more and more fixed pattern has started .

I walk in , big smile “Hello DD!!”, often with arms outstretched , totally blanked. Other mum arrives (same time or after me normally), DD stops what she’s doing and runs over! A couple of times , including tonight, me and t’other mum arrived at same time. My DD actually ran past me with arms outstretched to leap into other mums arms !

I think I’m particularly sensitive about this as I’m mega sleep deprived (I have a 4mo too) and am all too aware of how the baby’s arrival could have upset mum DD. I have tried really hard to give my DD loads of cuddles and attention when baby is around and regularly leave baby with dad so that DD and I have 121 time. She’s a very happy little girl (although is starting with 2 to meltdowns !) and ostensibly is very fond of the baby.

Does anyone else’s 1yo / toddler ignore them at pick up ? And run to another parent ? I know I shouldn’t take it personally, she’s 1 FGS, but it happens every time now :-(

You’re her norm, and another parent is exciting.

I suppose a bit like we see our husbands everyday but if brad Pitt turned up in the office we’d be excited?

Could it be that do you think? She’s so secure in her relationship with you and has a secure attachment so doesn’t feel that excitement at pick up as she trusts you’ll be there?

Try not to take it to heart. I think she's just playing a game and probably finds it funny.

My daughter went through quite a long phase with my mum where she was a bit frosty to her e.g she would close the door and wouldn't let my mum in. It seemed the more my mum pleaded with her the less inclined she was to welcome her.

Ah, I think the new baby may be the secret to this behaviour. You're being 'punished' by your DC who has found a way to show you how it feels to be be in second place...

It will pass, try not to take it to heart. DC just needs to know your love is rock solid.

Thanks for your responses . I can’t stress how aware I am that the baby could have disrupted DD1 and I arrive every minute of every day to give her tonnes of 121 attention, still allowing her to be a baby , be totally unwavering and give her loads of verbal praise and physical affection ... to the extent that the poor baby doesn’t get enough attention at times ! Still despite my efforts of course DD1’a little world has been rocked . I would say that we have a very strong physical and emotional bond though, it’s just this little issue that has finally started to upset me ! Thanks x

I arrive = I strive

Every evening my 4 children jump on dh like he's the saviour, I get a nod at the school gate. If I go away for a night ( about twice a year) they're all over me for a week. I would say it's a phase though! Hope you get some sleep

I think Thehop's analogy is right. You are part of the furniture of her life so she doesn't need to pay you much attention. You always have been and always will be there for her. Other people are exciting.

Thanks for your reassuring comments - i could try and spin this
As a positive thing in my mind ! X

I went away with newborn for a fortnight leaving two 3yos with my DH and a friend who agreed to 'nanny'. It was a big family event in another hemisphere, once in a lifetime.

I worried how they'd cope and even wrote 15 postcards in advance to be handed out daily.

When they all came to meet us at the airport on our return, I leaned down to kiss DS and he smacked my face as hard as he could. Then he was quick to settle and be fine again.

I decided it was a "How dare you disappear!" moment.

Oh @NearlyGranny ! They are complicated little beings aren’t they?

I think it is a phase. I helped a friend out with her DD when she would return all smiles her DD would ignore her, she would scream and cry going home.
Now she is 4 she is her DM's best little pal.

They can be so emotionally challenging at times. I wrote on a thread here recently that we’d booked a family photo shoot and my toddler didn’t want to go anywhere near me. We literally couldn’t get any photos of her and me together and she screamed blue murder. We have some beautiful ones of her looking adoringly at her daddy though.