Do children with SAHMs miss out on nursery benefits?

[omikron]

Is there anything a nursery can offer that a SAHM can't? And vice versa?

I went back to work before DD was 1.
I'm pretty sure she gained no advantage over any other kids by doing so. In fact she probably would have preferred to be at home as she didn't particularly enjoy being around other kids.
But I had to go to work and so it had to happen.
She's older now and I do think one benefit of it is to have a family dynamic where both parents work and share child care. She probably has a better relationship with her Dad because he was simply around more.

33Bobbiepin's experience is not my own. I have 3 children who have been with me or grandparents until around 3 and all have developed really well. I have friends whose children have been fully at home, some have been fully at nursery and some a bit of both or childminders. They have all develooed fine because they were happy and loved.

The only noticeable difference for me was that children who were in a nursery setting tended to be more independent at a younger age. For example they used cutlery earlier and could wipe their own bottoms and dress themselves sooner. This is, I suppose, because they have to at nursery. I certainly haven't noticed a difference in any physical or mental development and they have all develooed in their own time academically.

Playgroups and Softplay offer that though..

Not the same.

Inferior - didn't EPPE find attainment differences throughout primary school?

Following this thread. My DD is 7m so I'm wondering if it's worth putting her in a nursery when I go back to work P/T for her benefit or whether I should just tag team with my partner's shifts and my mum for childcare for the 4 days I'm working.

I think it depends on what you do with them when they are with you alone.

DS is an only child. I'm a SAHM (now running my own business from home). He went to pre school from three years old. Before that he was with me all day. BUT we went to a music fun group once a week, a parent and toddler/baby group once a week, we'd have at least two play dates each week - either I'd host or a friend would host and we'd take it in turns. He went swimming once a week and soft play a couple of times a month (a long bus ride from us). Adding to that the normal shopping, playing, cuddle time and he did OK.

He's at secondary school now. Passed his 11 plus, popular in school, generally considered to be a nice kid. As are all his friends, some of whom were with SAHP, some of whom had to go to nursery from a very young age because both parents had no choice but to go back to work. If you asked me to tell you which kids were which I couldn't tell you.

I don't think children need to form friendships with peers and have time apart from their parents until aged 3 and most children will go to pre school or nursery at this age. Often children who have attended a nursery from a young age will be developmentally above those who have stayed at home but this evens out at school age. I have worked with reception children and don't see any difference really.

I love EPPE, I used to reference it all the time at uni

Under 2 I'd say there's not much difference between home children and nursery children. The benefits usually start around 2 or 3. Of course there's also the occasional child that benefits from an extra year at home.

DS went at 22m and enjoyed it from the start. He's a big extrovert though and is happiest in a gaggle of people.

Mine are ok. My youngest is almost 2 and will be at home with me until he's 3 and that's the best thing for him. My other children have been in nurseries and to be honest I wasn't blown away by them.
I've also worked in nurseries for many years and I don't think they are necessary until the child is around 3 to 4, unless obviously you need to go to work.

'One special adult' - a nanny or childminder is not much different to a nursery key worker.

I'm a SAHM and DS goes to nursery part-time. It certainly offers me a break and time to myself. I think it's a nice change of scenery for him.

I was a SAHM but I put both my children into nursery for a couple of days a week. My daughter made some very good friends there that she is still in contact with. She loved nursery. I also did lots of meet ups with friends at soft play/ play groups/ baby sign language etc on the other days. With my son who has SEN (suspected autism) I found it was beneficial for him to have experience of a 'school type' environment. I think it helped him when he went to school as he doesn't cope well with change and could be quite clingy with me. I also found that the nursery was very supportive when potty training my son. I remember he stubbornly refused to get rid of his pull up nappy and just wear his pants for me, but then did it for a nursery worker!

@Sunshine93 I have nephews and nieces but know my nephews better. The ones who could use cutlery better, wipe their bums, dress themselves etc all had one thing in common - they had at least one older sibling and so were expected to get on with it. This was regardless of what child care they had.

Yep. They have key workers for that same reason JoJo.
I'm really glad our kids are growing up in a world that understands and values attachment.

It all depends on what the SAHM does with the child and what the nursery is like.
Of course no child actually needs to go to nursery to become a fully functioning happy adult. Most people in the world haven"t been to nursery/don't go.

I was a SAHM when my children were small. My kids started nursery part time at just under 2.5, we did loads of mother & toddler groups, tumble tots and music classes etc. I don't feel that they missed out, however they were still in nursery relatively young so had the benefit of being away from home at a young age.

I'm by no means an expert but I'd guess that under 3 the nursery kids are benefitting from the relationship with their key worker but not getting quite so much from the company of other kids.
That's on average obviously. You know your own kid best.

DD was 3 and a half when she went to pre school, she went one morning a week for the first term then two then added in the transition sessions in the summer term. I did loads with her and took her to groups and had friends in for her to play with so I don't feel she missed out at all. I did feel people put pressure on me to send her but I was aware that school would come round all too quickly and I wanted that time with her. For us it was a perfect balance, we got used to being away from each other, she made friends and I had a couple of mornings a week to catch up with the housework etc.

My DS is two and he’s with my mum and dad on the 3 days I work and with me the rest of the time. I do worry a wee bit about his socialisation as even though we go to playgroup, soft play with my friend’s toddler and my mum takes him to Boogie Babies, he is still a shy wee thing who doesn’t usually approach other kids. But as I said, he’s two (or will be in a few weeks). He is very clingy to me and though I know nursery might help this in the long run, the thought of putting us both through that in the short term is pretty bloody hideous. So i’m happy for him to go at three, when his cognitive development is further on.

I am a SAHM and both mine went to pre-school 2-3 sessions a week to learn to play and socialise etc.

The "key person" relationship at nursery often can't really be an attachment relationship just for practical reasons - nurseries need staff to be mobile to work around the setting, staff turnover can be high and even just things like staff often do shorter shifts than children, go on holiday, go off sick.
Children also need to be not too attached or reliant on a special person as they need to be able to accept any available adult feeding them, attending to toileting needs, putting them to sleep etc. Plus often nursery children need to move rooms every few months. Children over 2/3 are much more resilient to those kind of changes than infants.

That's not to say some nurseries don't organise it differently or are more attachment-focussed than others.

It's not really the same kind of attachment relationship as a nanny/childminder/grandparent providing care though.

To be fair, for the child, being in the care of a parent, nanny or childminder (especially a parent or nanny) is a very different thing to a keyworker in a nursery who is keyworker for maybe 10 children, will not necessarily work all the shifts that the child attends nursery, and will not be the sole member of staff that looks after/engages and interacts with the child. Sorry @JoJoSM2 but I do disagree. Obviously they have keyworkers to try and bridge that gap, but it’s a totally different thing in my experience. That’s not to say one is better or worse, they are just different.

I did a lot of research on this and from what I read my own opinion is that nursery is likely to be beneficial for children from 2.5-3 upwards. But it depends completely on the child and nursery.

Our preschool was 3+ and there wasnt ant changing rooms!

Yes, what @ChildminderMum said.

As a parent, you have to want to, have access to and time to go to groups and activities. I absolutely hate playgroups and all the classes and such. And god, I’d usually rather rip my own eyes out than go to soft play (though I’ve seen few soft plays that were set up for 2-3 year old around here, most more suitable for older kids). You also need to even have those sorts of classes and have time/money to attend them (while presumably also having reduced income). We live rurally and there isn’t much for 2-4 year olds around here, unless you’re willing to drive 30-45 minutes.

Mine have gone to nursery because neither my dh or I are SAHPs and they had to, but I do really think there is a benefit to the friendships they make spending that much time with other children (not just a few hours a week). My dd still has lasting friendships with her nursery friends well into primary school. Even the ones she doesn’t see often, it’s wonderful to see them together. They pick back up like it hasn’t been a year since the last time they saw each other.

That doesn’t mean it’s better for every child/family but I do think it’s a real benefit to some (and certainly for vulnerable children and others who need the extra support, there’s good evidence to support it). But for me, the main benefit is we all get some time I do our own things, so we enjoy family time more. And I make money and have a career I enjoy, which I think has knock on benefits to the kind of parent I can be. That’s not going to be the case for everyone though.

@ChildminderMum. Childminders and nannies also go on holiday or are off sick.

Obvs I don't know other nurseries, but DS's nursery has max 6 children and 2 nursery nurses in the room. So far no turnover etc. One of them is DS's key worker and he has a nice bond with her.