Sons dad leaving them out??

[mylifenow27]

AIBU?

I have two sons with my ex age 4 and 3 we have been separated 3 years.

Last Monday the 2nd the boys dad emailed saying he was going on Holliday and couldn't have the boys the weekend just gone his court ordered weekend, he couldn't collect the oldest from school on Friday etc. I replied saying totally fine enjoy your Holliday I will keep the boys.

Cue oldest being really upset as it was his first week at school and he desperately wanted his dad to pick him up.

Now we did fun things at the weekend so the boys didn't miss their dad, were busy and positive. He only sees them every other weekend as he was adamant in court that's the only time he could spare for them. (I think this is poor but say nothing).

Now I have just found out he has gone away with his partner and her son. I assumed he had just gone with his partner instead of just leaving the boys out.

This is also the guy that pays £30 a month maintainance for two children as he is self employed and hides his income and he's apparently so poor.

The saddest thing about it all is my eldest used to idolise his dad he is relatively switched on and was super close to him. When we separated it hit him really hard. The youngest is more happy go lucky and loves everyone. But the eldest is becoming distant from his dad now he talks about how his dad does stuff with his gf son and not him etc. (We make up for this by doing lots of activity's) I don't think his dad cares or realises the effect it's having on him.

Since he has been with the partner he has stopped the contact he had in the week says he can't manage it, I feel left the boys out in situations like this, reduced the maintainance from £150 to £30 and just been awful.

I think I just needed to vent really, even tho I think it's unfair I won't say anything as it just causes a torrent of abuse from them. I continue to promote a positive relationship with the boys and their dad. But inside my heart breaks for them.

Sorry for the essay.

My DC’s Dad is the same OP, it is incredibly sad. He has done this more than once as well. I compensate by making sure my DC’s go on holiday and to various different places with me instead so they feel less left out.

It is absolutely disgraceful, I completely understand your anger and I feel the same way. Sadly nothing can be done though.

Should say re maintenance, you should contact CMS because £30 a month is a joke. I don’t get much from exH either but certainly more than £30 a month, that is ludicrous especially considering how often your ex sees them.

That's really sad to hear. I imagine he is getting pressure from his partner to behave like this. Such a shame and his loss. You sound like you are doing a great job. I can't imagine going away with someone else's child and not including my own 😩

The maintainance is though the CMS unfortunately as he's self employed not a lot can be done. They have however past it to the Fraud Investigation Unit but the investigation has been going on for nearly 12 months and they don't disclose any info.

Me and my partner work really hard don't claim any benefits and just to put it into prospective until this mont our nursery bill for the boys has been £1220 a month alone. He even had the cheek to go into nursery and have parents evenings with them to keep up-to date on there educational progress from a service we pay for. I don't ask him to contribute to anything as I wouldn't stoop so low to embarrass my self.

On top of this his partner is pregnant so I believe it's only going to get worse unfortunately.

It's just so sad. We take them away and have amazing family time with them to of corse make up for it. But I feel a time will come sooner rather than later that the boys will notice as my oldest already wants to stay home xx

What a horrible fucker.

I've tried to talk to his family about the contact and things (no mention of money) but they just made out I was been unreasonable.

I just feel a bit disheartened I think.

have you tried to follow up with CMS? the fraud unit may not disclose anything to you, but after all CMS would have instigated the investigation and will be getting a result out of it

Yes I have but they just say it's still been investigated. I do t really care about the money to be honest. Yes it's frustrating but we makeup for everything financially fair or not. I would just prefer for him to care about his kids.

Men like this should have something tattooed on their forehead so everyone can see what a sh*t parent they are.

£1 a day to raise 2 DC when he only sees them 4 days a month (at most) is horrific.

Why in earth would any other woman want to have a child with him when they have first hand experience of how terrible a father he is?

His DP must have the lowest self-esteem possible to assume that's all her off-spring deserves as a parent.

I forgot to say he buys he boys the cheapest trainers and clothes possible to wear at his house while her son has designer brands etc. Their going to notice as they get older

Contact the CMS about the maintenance. £30 a month for two children is terrible.

I guess you can’t really begrudge them going on holiday without DS. It wouldn’t have been ideal for him to go On holiday during his first week at school. Saying that my ex and his family leave DS out of everything.

Similar but slightly different scenario here. My eldests dad has a baby with his partner so not his stepchild but he favours baby over our DS. Also his partner doesn’t allow DS over to their house so even when my ex has him he doesn’t ever see his brother and he just takes him out an for an hour or two. I think she just wants this perfect family unit and keeps it secret that her precious man has a child with someone else (I mean really, we split 9 years ago and she knew he had a kid when they met years ago). My ex also lacks routine and consistency. DS used to love his dad but now he’s older he really isn’t interested because he’s realising what an idiot he is!!

As annoying as it is you can’t really moan that his stepchild has designer trainers? Maybe the child’s father buys them, maybe his mum does and not your ex?

he boys the cheapest trainers and clothes possible to wear at his house while her son has designer brands etc.

What she buys her children really isn't his or your concern. You'll only torture yourself if you give it head space.

They will soon realise their dad is a waste of skin. Sad. But it’s the dad’s own fault. Bet he paid for all the designer gear for his step child and that’s why he’s so skint he can’t buy his own anything. What an utter prick. Good you make up for it so they do t lose out. Some men are so stupid. Sigh.

You sound like a terrifically good parent. ♥️ All the very best of luck. You are Not being unreasonable. Probably more reasonable than I would be.