Team Away Day...

[historysock]

Our whole team has been told we have to attend a mandatory team away day in the near future.
Morale is very low at work currently. A lot of change has occurred which is never easy. However it's been communicated badly and out two senior managers contradict each other constantly which makes it hard to know what the right course of action is.

In addition to this one of those managers is frequently absent (we don't know where-we have a lot of remote sites), and is considered to be quite weak-whilst the other is widely considered to be quite the bully. She belittles people publicly, will not accept anyone questioning her (sometimes odd) decisions, has clear favourites to the detriment of other people , and constantly talks about herself and her achievements.

Back to the away day-it is being held at the second managers house. I (and a lot of my colleagues) feel incredibly uncomfortable about this. I really don't want to go into this woman's house for any reason. It just seems hugely inappropriate.
Would anyone else find this uncomfortable and a bit odd?

I thought you were going to say canoeing or raft building or something.

What are you going to do at this woman's house all day?

Present a united front and say "nope, not appropriate"
And don't go. Are you in a union? what is the penalty for not going? Are there people senior to these two managers that you can talk to?

I would certainly find it bizarre. Has any reason been given? Do you have an itinerary for the day?

At the managers house? That's weird. Bet she's going to have you do her garden or decorate her house as a bonding exercise or something.

No official itinerary no. Meeting in the morning and then some sort of lunch where we all have to bring something?

I'm not in the union but a lot of people are. When people have raised issues with the union before or with HR she has subsequently been very negative to those people-therefore no one wants to raise anything with anyone. It's not ideal at all.

We've been told the day is mandatory. Non attendance wouldn't go down well at all.

That is weird, I've been to social events at colleagues houses but I've never heard of an official work function being held at one. But objectively speaking I suppose it can be really expensive to hire a conference room and if she has a huge house/garden then maybe it's just a money saving thing? If you are just going to do the 'sit around, mingle and chat' kind of away day rather than the 'team building exercises' 'build a raft out of sellotape and string' type (which everyone on MN detests anyway!) does it make a huge difference where you have the chat? I probably wouldn't say anything TBH. Obviously it would make it more awkward to confront this manager about her behaviour if you are sat in her front room but probably the away day wouldn't be the right time to do that anyway?

I've always had mandatory Away Days, and usually the type of thing you describe - team meeting and bonding session in the morning, food and then something "fun", although thankfully never at someone's house!

If it's mandatory and nobody wants to raise anything, you're a bit stuck.

I've called in sick to several of these bastard things.

How many people are in your team/company?

I've been to these offsite meetings before and they do generally work to get people working better together so I'd suggest going with an open mind you might be pleasantly surprised.

We have a perfectly fine huge office that could be used for the same purpose.... the idea of an away day is that you get away to somewhere nice and different-again fine.
She is the kind of person who would think it's a huge treat for us all to be in her house I suspect... I can only think that's the reason for it . Which makes it even worse.

There will be about 30 of us I would think.

Urgh, this happened to me once. We all sat around feeling shit about our small houses...

Not much you can do. I assume she's covered by public liability insurance...?

Sounds interesting. You should snoop around her house and find things out. Don't be scared of her

God knows 🤷🏽‍♀️

I hate team building rubbish, but I can't say I would find it taking place at someone's house any worse than any other venue.

Have you asked her whether her home insurance will cover her liability for the business event, should any of you injure yourselves on her premises?

I would go just to be nosey and see her house!
If it's 30 people it's got to be a fairly large house I would imagine.
I do think it's a bit weird though

@ScreamingValenta - good point about the insurance.
OP I would ask her this ^

My view on away days vary. If this is a team-building exercise it would be held somewhere that fits that brief. If it's an all-day team meeting kind of thing then it should also be held at a neutral venue - ideally, your managers would be self-aware enough to combine an operational/strategy discussion and provide an opportunity to hear from staff. Also would always be better to have a third party facilitate discussion.

I can't really think under what circumstances it should be held at someone's house unless a) it's massive b) it's a purely social event

Yes, I think you'd be within your rights not to go unless adequate insurance was in place.

It's a bit odd, yes, but I don't think I'd go so far as to say 'inappropriate' - unless she's asking you to sit in a hot tub with her or do her cleaning - but it doesn't seem particularly conducive to open discussion or teamwork.

I might be inclined to say something like 'It's really kind of XXX to suggest we have the away day at her house, but mightn't it be better for team-building if it was a more neutral venue?' but I wouldn't refuse to go.

My guess is that they want it to be off-site rather than in the office (which is a good idea in itself) and don't have a budget for a venue or function room so have gone for this slightly odd compromise.

Something similar actually happened to my friend once but her boss at the time was the child of a quite well-known billionaire and the house was apparently like something from Dallas and had maids scuttling round tidying up after people. Which didn't go down too well with anyone, as the company was going tits-up and they were all on the verge of redundancy if they couldn't come up with a rescue plan at the away day

Easiest to call in sick.

Thing is it's not so bad for me-but some of the people she really seems to have it in for are incredibly anxious about it. I can see why. Having to go into the house if someone who is making your life miserable is pretty tricky.

Weirdest thing I've ever heard

This is totally inappropriate and unprofessional. But if she is a bully then I'd not expect professionalism.

I'd definitely bring up the insurance issue as a query pretty much the day before the event. Also have they done a risk assessment for the venue and the activities?

Probably not helpful but I recently read a psychological thriller about a mean female manager, who held a team bonding session at her house and it didn't go well. No spoiler but... gory.