To not want my DH to join the gym with me.

[NChereNNow]

We've been fighting a lot and he thinks it will be good for us to spend the time together outside the house.

But the thing is, I'm really fat, he isn't. I don't want it to look like he's just being a sympathy gym partner or that he's bringing me to get fit.

Also my confidence is zero. I have MH problems and terrible social anxiety. So when he is there he always 'talks for me'. Please don't think this is him doing something wrong, it isn't. I just tend to clam up if he's there because he is so naturally confident so he takes the lead in social situations and I find it hard to break into the convo.

I just end up going red and feeling stupid

I think he's upset because he genuinely thinks it will help us to bond again. :(

I've lived here 34 years so have been to all the museums countless times with the kids.

Has to be things during the day as have no childcare in evenings /weekends.

And meet ups are a complete nono.

Yes I've seen I can book an induction.

I'm sat here on the gym set up page but I just can't bring myself to sign up and book the induction. Eeek

If you have the money I can recommend signing up with a personal trainer. I would not go to the gym, left to my own devices. Even if I made it there, I'd walk in and spend maybe 5 minutes staring around before leaving again, bright red and in tears because I feel like a fish out of water.

At least with a PT you have someone to go over to and who will teach you how to use the machines and work out effectively and you're more likely to go if there's someone waiting for you.

Mine has had to literally take me by the shoulders and push me through the door a few times because I freak out so much at the thought of people looking at me or judging me for my weight. No one ever has but whoever said anxiety is rational?

I go with my fiancé, who is in better shape than me. I joined him. We go at the same time and usually train together, although occasionally do different things and find each other afterwards. He's supportive and motivating and we chat, and it works as great stress relief for us both. It also means we can keep each other going!

But if you want to go alone, tell him that and find another way to spend time with him, even if it's something you've done a million times before. Gyms aren't generally awful places, everyone is concentrating on themselves, especially if you can go outside of peak times.

He doenst want to go himself. He wanted to join to support me.

If he doesn't want to go himself, he should be relieved, not offended, that you don't want him to. Explain that it's absolutely lovely that he wants to support you, but that the best way he can really do that is by letting you try to do this one thing on your own.

If that makes him angry, he is not as supportive as you say he is.

I. Am at a lovley gym and at first I wanted my partner to join me but tbh he would. Just be really annoying so instead I give him my free monthly guest pass and we just have a swim and sauna together well I swim he goes in the sauna and steam and then we spend half an hour together and have a bit of time in the bar area after. I would never go actual gym with him. He would make everything a joke and just irritate me
The gym or what ever activity you use is for your own head space. Well that's what I use it for anyway. X