Afraid I'll never find a job I'm happy in, am I the problem?

[pandaeyez]

Not so much AIBU, maybe just somewhere to offload as I don't have many people I can speak to about these issues. Apologies if I've posted in the wrong section.

Walked out of my job yesterday after a heated discussion with my manager and HR. HR lady could see I was getting upset and stressed with all the questions she was shooting at me yet continued to do so and smirk at the same time whilst I was welling up. She made certain comments about my health and that I had "made myself ill, not work". At that point I grabbed my bag and walked out without even speaking to anyone. My auntie has reported me sick this morning as I just couldn't bare the thought of speaking to them.

I work in a busy day nursery and have pretty much worked In all types of child care. I absolutely loved working as a private nanny and in a school (never had any issues in those roles) however I have worked In 3 private nurseries over the years and they have all been awful. Current one was the worst but it makes me wonder, am I the problem?

I seem to work better on my own which I was I think I enjoyed nannying so much however I managed fine when I worked in a school with a team as well so perhaps it's just all nurseries in general. Maybe I'm just not suited to them.

I was planning on sticking it out until I had another job lined up but after yesterday's comments I just couldn't bare another minute in the place.
I would love to be a nanny again however there isn't much opportunity with nanny roles where I live.

It would take me forever to detail everything that's happened and the circumstances leading up to yesterday however it was on going for months and I think it all just came to a head yesterday. I'm not the sort of person that will just put up and shut up, I do stick up for myself which is perhaps why they don't like me.

Absolutely panicking now as I live on my own and have rent and bills to pay. I've been applying for jobs all morning, anything just to pay the bills and get me through. My auntie is a union rep so she's taken over with the situation as I have no idea where I stand now.

I have never walked out of a job before, feeling like rather irresponsible now.
I suppose I'm not after advice, maybe just a hand hold.

Yanbu based on your update, Some Nurseries don't like staff who ask questions, my niece is doing her degree in childcare, she works pt in a creche, she is often left with far to many babies, expected to do paperwork and clean the entire baby room mop floors etc while still minding them, they close at 6.30 the managers expect staff to be out on time, leaving a spotless room, with complete paperwork DC are often confined.
This is her third job with the same issues, she is starting to realise it is a business.
Try private nanny, or would a preschool suite you, ours offers morning and afternoon classes.

Omg! You poor thing. I'm sorry you have been treated like this OP.
@gk6277 has said everything i was going to say inc the whistleblowing thing which tbh i didn't realise would affect future jobs as you can stay anonymous can't you?
So i have no other advice other than to offer a hand to hold and wish you luck in your future career x

It sounds like you potentially have a case for a grievance/constructive dismissal. You raised a number of areas where your employer was breaking the law (ratios, lunch breaks, bullying and harassment), and you behaved completely appropriately in raising it with them. Being told you were getting a welfare review that you were unable to prepare for at the same time as your appraisal is unacceptable. The fact that they agreed a mother ‘had it in for you’ and then did nothing to protect you is unacceptable, as is not allowing you adequate breaks in a 10 hour shift.

If they have a head office I would send them a letter detailing your concerns (stick to facts with names and dates if you can), check your house insurance to see if access to a solicitor is included in your policy, or get in touch with ACAS and/or Citizens Advice Bureau who may be able to help.

You’ve done other jobs successfully, so it’s not you, it’s them. In the meantime, look out for Teaching Assistant posts in schools (on the council website) as well as childminding/nannying, or jobs in places like soft play or kids party businesses. If you’re good with, and like working with kids you have a real skill. 😊

They’re also trying to push the blame for any illness caused by stress onto you, because if they have to admit liability it can cost them a lot of money and reputational damage. So make sure you can document reasons why in terms of the organisation - poor support, inadequate breaks, no time to complete paperwork, no protection against unjustified complaints, etc. Particularly if the pattern is consistent and has being going on for some time. We all know that in any organisation the odd problem is inevitable - for example, a member of staff is off ill for a few days so everyone has to do a bit extra to help out, but if it is persistent or over a long period then it is not acceptable. Check your contract to see where they have not met their obligations too.

I don’t think it’s you fwiw. Sounds like you are working your arse off for little reward or appreciation in a demoralising atmosphere and I bet lots of private childcare settings and care homes are the same. Time for a change.

Wow! Thank you so much for all the lovely replies, it really has made me feel better.

Whilst I appreciate I might not of handled the situation in the best way (walking out), I'm glad I did really as I don't think I would of ever left otherwise.

My auntie is going to help me write a letter tomorrow to the owners detailing everything that's happened as I'm no good at that sort of stuff.

Not sure how far it will get back but even if I can just get my point across, get wages owed to me and a decent reference I'll be happy.

I'm hoping to take a break from child care at the moment as I think I need a breather and in all honestly there is no nanny jobs/teaching jobs where I live so my only choice is private nurseries which I really want to keep away from.

Childminding not possible unfortunately as I live in a rented flat, maybe one day when I own my own home though

It's very random but I've always been interested in bus driving/taxi drivers etc so I've applied for a few trainee bus driver jobs today, fingers crossed I might here something back.

Thanks again for all your helpful replies and advice x

Report to ofsted if they are breaching ratios and DBS checks as that's a safeguarding issue!

it sounds horrendous and unsafe and I wouldn't want my child in that situation. look for something else even if it means you need to do something different for a while.

It's very random but I've always been interested in bus driving/taxi drivers etc so I've applied for a few trainee bus driver
Good for you, best of look, maybe this is the push you needed, I hope you get sorted soon fir some temporary employment to pay the bill's.
Can you claim illness benefit for a bit as you haven't officially been sacked, they may help with rent while your income is low, just until you feel ready to face another job.

*luck

Your work place sounds intolerable and you have done well to last as long as you have. Sounds like a shambles.
I would apply for anything and everything now. Good luck

Your work sounds dreadful and I'm really sorry.

I would also follow up the fact that the HR woman told you 'you'd made yourself ill'' and the other comments she made. This is utterly unacceptable - you had a doctor's note and she is (presumably) not medically qualified. She has no right to state your stress wasn't genuine - I'd be putting in a massive complaint about that. You were medically signed off sick and it's bullying to argue that you weren't genuinely too ill to work.

Bloodyhellmartha - yes I will definitely be adding that in the letter. I was very angry at the time and pretty much had to stop myself from jumping over the table at her if I'm being truthful. It was only myself, my manager and the HR advisor in the room hence why I think she made those comments. I don't believe she would have if I'd had a representative with me.

I appreciate it's probably her job to defend the company and their actions but it was obvious she seemed to get some sort of enjoyment out of seeing upset and stressed.

She also made comments about how I should of sought professional advice to which I asked "what professional do you mean?" and she replied with a doctor/GP when I pointed out my sick note was from a doctor she then made the comments about how I'd influenced the doctor and told her what to write on the sick note! so I couldn't win either way!

Sounds bloody awful.
I would say a very well done for leaving.
I agree that most things would be better than this! They sound crap and irresponsible.
Get a new job and your reference and report them if you truly believe there are genuine grounds.
Sometimes you should put up and shut up and sometimes you really shouldn't.
Btw, HR are almost always going to act to defend the company's interest, not the individual sadly!

she then made the comments about how I'd influenced the doctor and told her what to write on the sick note! confused so I couldn't win either way
I don't blame you wanting to jump the table at her. What a total cow, include her exact words it in your letter, can you get some professional advice before you send the letter.

@pandaeyez...Again i echo others here. That woman is bullying you..it's as if you need to record the conversation so that you'd have proof of the stuff she's saying! Unfortunately i don't think it's legal to record her but def get some legal help and record in writing everything being done wrongly and things said ..dates and times.
The best thing ever is you're out of the place. There has to be proper follow-up of the way the place is managed as it could even be dangerous for both employees and children if ratios are not adhered to.
Good luck and best of luck with your application x

Having read your follow-up post, I don't think it is you that's the problem here - I think you've been unlucky with your employer. It's not unreasonable of you to raise concerns if the ratios weren't right and while I understand why the parent wasn't happy when they arrived and their child was crying, that situation was the nursery's fault and not yours - as you say, it wouldn't have been OK to put a child back into a soiled nappy in order to comfort another one 30 seconds earlier.

Reading your posts, you didn’t actually walk out of your job, you walked out of an appraisal.

Can you contact the nursery and say you will be coming in on Monday to continue your appraisal and discuss your future there and, since you found it overwhelming yesterday you will be bringing an advocate to speak for you if you get distressed again? Hopefully your Aunty will be able to speak up for you if it is too upsetting.

I'd be reporting them to Ofsted.

At the nursery we used there quite a few girls who had blown the whistle on their previous employers and were open about it because standards were not good enough, our nursery was pleased to employ them for having such high integrity. (I only know this because they have baby sat for me personally they weren't shouting it from the rooftops! I just want to make the point it won't be seen by everyone as a bad thing).

Echo trying school clubs etc ours struggles for good staff.

JazzyGG makes a very good point. It may actually work in your favour as other nurseries will see you as someone who cares enough for children and the standard of care they receive at that place. Good luck.

It sounds like an awful place to work. I'd hate to think of my child being in that environment.