To think people underestimate childbirth?

[weetabix456321]

I'm not talking about women about to have babies. More others in the pregnant woman's life. I'm about to have my second DC and I'm starting to get comments that remind me of how I felt with my first DC. People wanting to make plans to come and visit as soon as DC is born. Telling me I know what I'm doing this time so it will be easier.
I felt with my first DC people see childbirth as such a normal everyday occurrence (I know it is). They completely underestimate how traumatic/dangerous it can be. Whilst my first DC birth wasn't I would say on the 'traumatic' scale compared to others. It was the most pain I had ever been it, I had a tear and stitches. I got mastitis in the first week and was beyond sleep deprived.
Yet all I got was people asking to come and visit. Why was I trying to stop people seeing the new baby. Why was I crying when people just turned up. Why did I stay in hospital for two days? You can be discharge the same day now . I think only one person actually asked how I was.
AIBU to think childbirth is underestimated? I'm aware I'm abit hormonal and worried about impending labour at the minute think I'm trying to get it off my chest

After I had first DS my family would all say 'oh get him out for a walk and some fresh air'. Yeah but I couldn't walk. I had to sit on an ice pack for about 2 weeks. I lost 2l of blood. But yeah I'm up for a lovely little walk.

Honestly wanted to tell them to fuck off.

Also hated 'at least hes healthy' of course I'm glad hes healthy. Of course I knew how lucky I was. But I'd almost died and felt I wasn't allowed to be affected by it all or complain because I had got a healthy baby at the end.

I don't even think its the giving birth, it's the lack of consideration for the baby too. They've literally just been born are not used to the outside world and there is all these strangers making noise and begging for a cuddle! There is a reason why the first 12 weeks of a babys life is called the 4th trimester!
I'd shut it down now and say you will let people know when YOU are up for a visit. Even with the easiest birth, you are still absolutely shattered surely!

I let people come and visit as soon as I was out of hospital with my first. I tried to get out and about straight away and get back to 'normal'. It was so ridiculous now I look back on it - I just made things harder for myself especially with establishing breastfeeding.

This time my midwife told me to stay in bed, recover, look after myself and feed feed that baby. And so I did. No visitors until she was about 10 days old and apart from the school run when my husband returned to work we pretty much just snuggled and bonded for at least three weeks. I
just plainly said no to visitors and no one seemed to be offended. Do what's right for you and for baby. xx

I just can't get my head around people wanting to visit the hospital! No way would I let anyone but DH in. You're there to recover, it's really inconsiderate for people to waltz in with balloons and toys, as ultimately they are only doing that for themselves, not for you or the baby. It's very hard to assert yourself in that weakened state and say no to people, I'm glad I have family that listen to me, unfortunately I know many people don't.

YANBU. I haven't had children (mine and DH's choice), but my mum taught me to buy a gift for mum rather than the baby as baby gets loads of stuff and mum often gets forgotten about! Also, to wait for a week or two before arranging to visit, not just dropping in unannounced. That way, if someone loves lots of visitors, it makes the string of visitors longer, but if they want a bit of space first, they get it. Always seemed to make sense to me, even from a young age, so I've stuck with it.
Hope all goes well with your impending delivery, @weetabix456321

I'm another who had complication that could have killed us both. Baby was in NICU for a couple days and we had five days in hospital. Everyone was hounding us about when we'd be home and why weren't we home already. Nobody thinks that a full term baby might end up that way, or that we have no say in when we go home, or that the doctors can really say anything either because it's all up to baby. I also got my placenta stuck and was a minute away from being carted off to surgery.

I did find all the visitors overwhelming. Not so much immediate family but people who hardly bothered anyway and don't now. Had 3 babies and was shattered after the 3 but I think I coped well afterwards going into 'robot mode' as my other half calls it. Get everything done then once I sit down my batteries power down. I hope goes well for you and you have a straightforward labour xx

YANBU. I had an ovary out a few months ago. It was honestly nothing compared to childbirth - it was done via keyhole surgery, and the pain was negligible compared to both my experiences of childbirth. I found it quite odd that everyone made such a fuss about resting, taking my painkillers, not picking up my children, etc, when a year earlier I had given birth to an absolutely enormous baby in approximately an hour from start to finish and nobody had been even remotely bothered about taking it easy.

It's the selfishness I don't like. In laws taking no notice of you and go straight for your baby, taking pictures of them with the baby etc etc. "my grandbaby!"
No acknowledgement of what you've just been through. Especially if it was traumatic. It can hurt.

Then later on down the line they think they have a right to give you parenting advice about how they think you should be raising their grandchildren. 🤨

Excuse me but there was only one mug who had the stitches. My baby, my way.

My first was traumatic, it ended up taking years for me to talk about it and I suffered PTSD. I had home births after that when I eventually had therapy and such and they were completely different experiences. I wanted space afterwards due to my first experience but then they encroached on that time anyway. You can't win unless you hurt someone's feelings. 🙄

Totally agree. After being so looked after by everyone when pregnant it was a shock to me how few people really cared after the birth, it just made me feel like a vessel who was only important because I was carrying the baby. I had visitors turn up so soon after the birth that I was still in the recovery ward, with a catheter and hadn’t properly regained the feeling in my legs from the spinal block. I felt like their main concern was to meet the baby as soon as possible and that they had forgotten all about me in their excitement.

I think people do talk about the complications of childbirth, possibly more my contemporaries who are having/have recently had children than previous generations who might not remember so well.

I had prepared for the idea that I could need an emergency section/have a big haemorrhage/have an infected wound/need to stay in hospital/struggle with bending and lifting. I hadn’t prepared at all for the idea that something might be wrong with the baby.

I had a lovely straightforward VB with an episiotomy. I was up and showered and make up on pretty much straight away. Then the baby was unwell and spent a month in NICU and I hadn’t even considered that might happen to a term baby. Nobody talks about that. It’s definitely not mentioned in antenatal classes.