Should she change the locks?

[Breastfeedingworries]

Okay I’m posting here for traffic and advice for a friend.

She’s living in rented accommodation with two DCs. She’s been unhappy in her relationship for a long time but she was worried and isn’t financially secure without her partner. Ie she would be on benefits without him, her quality of life for her children would change(she currently also works part time), her dcs are 9 and just turned 3. Her youngest is with her current partner.

She has tried to end things before, I think emotional abuse is taking place and threats. Which have kept them together. They’re not in a sexual relationship, it’s happened rarely, couple of times a year and she’s said she feels raped and sick. She’s told him this.

Anyway she set up benefits two months ago with a view to ask him to leave. (He isn’t on the tenancy) shes not one for confrontation and has told him she doesn’t love him and wants him to leave, but he isn’t going willingly. It came to a head this Monday and she said she wants him out Friday.

He’s refusing to leave saying he wants more time(which he’s said before then worked on her) now his sister who works for a government body which has something to do with benefits is threatening to report her if she doesn’t give him another month. For claiming already. She’s used the money for rent, she isn’t hoarding or saving it, if she was made to pay back what she owed she’d be in a worse situation. Her partner gambles his main earnings, so the money he didn’t give her for rent is also lost.

She’s in a pickle, they argue daily and he isn’t kind to her elder ds. He’s desperate, saying he’ll kill himself, damage goods. He’s taking days off work so she’s stuck with him in the house currently.

I suggested changing the locks but I’m worried about his sister reporting her, she didn’t attend to commit benefit fraud. She’s vulnerable and was trying to get things in place as she has two children to think of.

Any advice welcome, please go easy I’m showing her all replies.

Threat!

I’m going to speak to her after the school run hope she’s okay. He’s home again today so she can’t change the locks, hopefully he’s out tomorrow. She really didn’t want it to come to this as they have a child that’s why it’s taken so long from when she claimed. :( she wanted everything to be civil and him to leave willingly.

He cares so much about appearance and social media, always posting like super Dad things, and think that’s why he’s refusing to accept it. He even said please can I still live here you can date others but let me live here. (She’s dating no one, doesn’t have time but for months he’s said she’s having an affair and accused her, even a shop keeper at the end of the street because she keeps going to the shop?!)

She’s got a lot of empathy, she doesn’t love him but didn’t know how to get him to leave nicely. That isn’t going to be possible now. :(

Is he on the tenancy? If he’s not then she can call the police to have him removed if he won’t go voluntarily. She can’t just change the locks on a rented property without the landlords permission.
Is she worried he’ll become violent? I’d suggest she gets someone else (such as you) to come over as support and ask him to leave, pack his stuff etc and explain that if he doesn’t she’ll have to call the police. I’d also suggest she asks the landlords permission to change the locks.
If he’s on the tenancy she needs to go to CAB and find out what they suggest.
She’ll just need to take the risk on the benefits, the longer he stays there the worse it would be.

A better version of the text would be:

“I started the the benefits claim because as far as I am concerned we are separated.I had told him to leave, I am still insistent he leave. I am not getting any money from him as he gambles it all away, and in any case we have separated. I have finished the relationship. I want him out he refuses to go. I've given him week after week and everytime the time is up he refuses to leave. He is emotionally abusing me and my older child. I do not believe it is correct procedure for you to use your job with xxxx to try and make me let him stay here.”

You can get a court order to get him out. But get advice. Do not change the locks without talking to your landlord.

It may be best to talk to the benefits people and explain the situation.

He’s not on the tenancy, I’m thinking it will come to her having to have him removed. It’s bad timing but me and my dd couldn’t be there, both poorly at home :( I wouldn’t really want to take my 9month old with me either. In case things did turn ugly. :(

Does the sister really work in benefits when she uses terms like 'tell the social'?

Tell her to contact the landlord and ask if it's ok to change the locks. If she is paying and gives landlord the new key that should be fine. She could always tell them her keys were stolen.
If he won't go she can call the police. If he's not on the tenancy he has no rights.
Tell benefits people everything and let them deal with it so the sister has no threat to use.
She won't be prosecuted, it just might mean an overpayment.
Pack up his stuff and deliver to a relative for him to collect.
Tell him by text to stop contacting her and then if he continues seek a non molestation order.
Keep all contact info as evidence of what an unreasonable nightmare he is.

Before she changes the locks she really needs some advice from women’s aid, police or similar. He needs to be gone ASAP but it needs to be done safely. Simply changing the locks and hoping he goes away quietly won’t happen in my experience. He will kick off big time and it could get nasty/dangerous.

I'd change the locks, as soon as she claims dv and tells them he refused to leave and she was scared but finally got up the courage to change the locks. They prob won't touch her for benefit fraud. If they do it's a slap on the wrist. If you have that threat from the sister in writing or a recording then report her if it all comes out. Might be an empty threat, I'm my experience these men are too cowardly to carry through on most of their threats

I'd report his sister for blackmail and accessing my inforamtion at work.

I dont suppose any of this is in a text or is it all heresay and verbal?

now his sister who works for a government body which has something to do with benefits is threatening to report her if she doesn’t give him another month

She just need to be honest with the DWP. They won't prosecute her for 2 months. Also for it to be fraud she has to be living together with his as a couple so now they've separated they're not. There is a technicality if having a non dependent adult living there but if she tells them he won't leave and also reports him to the police (it's now illegal even if he's not violent) she's covered. The longer she leaves it though the less likely they too believe her so she needs to act fast.
I'd suggest DWP, change the locks and police all at the same time.
She should also save all the texts.

I'm my experience these men are too cowardly to carry through on most of their threats

It’s not worth the risk. It really isn’t. Get advice from professionals first as to what’s the safest way to do it.

The texts from the sister are in this thread, she doesn’t directly threaten it’s implied. “You be fair i’ll be fair” if you open image it’s a the bottom.

The main problem is her having to pay it back, as it literally got spent on rent, shes trying to run a house hold, a car when she’s a new driver so insurance is 145 a month. She saved like mad for, and I helped with deposit for it. (Second hand obviously) so she can finally take her boys places :(

I know it’s not that relevant, but I’m hoping she gets to keep her freedom to get around, and keep her part time job. In every case do they have to pay it back? I told him to get him out when she first claimed aswell :( don’t want to be proven right. She’s finally done what she’s been saying she’ll do for two years and two months are going to bite her in the arse :(

She probably will have to pay back the benefit she wasn't entitled to, but she could probably negotiate a payment plan. I think she needs to be upfront with the DWP. Benefit fraud is a serious business and it's best to sort it out now then worry about being caught later.

Yeah that’s very true. I shall tell her that when I speak to her.

If this man is not supporting your sister and is only in the flat because he won't leave, I can't see why she wouldn't be entitled to benefits. She needs however to ensure that the evidence demonstrates that, so the sooner she takes advice about evicting him the better. I'd suggest she talks to the Citizens' Advice Bureau and the police.

Tell your friend to talk to Women's Aid and get some proper support.
They will be able to help with sorting out the benefits mess.
Once she's away from him, she can go to CSA to set up maintenance

I agree with what @Icantthinkofanynewnames said

Tell her not to worry about the benefits situation. If she ever did get reported they will consider the amount taken, over what period of time and the circumstances. I doubt very very much that they’ll even go for a prosecution, at most she’ll get a slap on the worst. In the event that she does have to pay the two months back, they’ll work out a payment plan that she can afford. Re her brothers sister, she’s abusing her job and actually blackmailing her, both serious offences. Make sure your sister gathers any evidence she can and then I’d simply text his sister back stating that she’s got all the text evidence of the offences she committed herself and will be notifying her job, which she will 100% lose, and you’ll be pressing charges for blackmail. Definitely get the locks changed when her ex is out and place his belongings on the doorstep. Has she got someone to stay with her for a couple of days in case he kicks off? Tell her not to worry about the landlord. She can tell him her keys got stolen so has replaced the locks at her own expense, he’d probably be grateful more than anything

She is not being made to live with him longer if she chooses to allow him to stay. But she will need to be certain she can go through with it if she chooses to force him out. It will be difficult, he will be angry and could be violent if he's that type. She will need to be prepared to call the police.

Does she have anywhere the DC could stay while this is going on? The last this they need is to be the other side of a door with the angry ex pounding on it and shouting through it.

Does his sister know the issues?

If she allows him to stay she would be in a worse position in terms of benefit fraud.

If it was me and I wanted someone out and legally in a position where they aren't entitled to be there, I would change the locks while they're out.

Gather the advice from here:
She can change the locks tomorrow and let the police know what's happening. She can have someone with her when he gets back from work. (Unless the lease says she can't, she can legally change the locks in a rented property that's in her sole name tenancy).
Ignore the sister's threats. If there are any more there's a very good reply suggested above. If she abused her position at work she'd get the sack, or at least disciplinary.
She should talk to DWP now and explain that she split with her partner on x date, started to claim benefits. He's been refusing to move out but has contributed nothing and tomorrow he'll be locked out. IF she has to repay anything it has to be in "affordable" installments.

The key think is she needs to get him out.

So focus on the ways to do that.

Any seeking of official advice, from CAB, police or Women's Aid will demonstrate to the benefits office that she is and has been serious about separating.

The longer she has him in the flat, the more potentially serious the benefits thing becomes.

The benefit thing has happened. It won't go away s she might as well just get on with getting him evicted.

She should not make her position more vulnerable. So she should absolutely not change the locks without the permission of the landlord.

Does the landlord know he has been living there?

Call CAB, Police and Women's Aid and accept advice and help from whoever can offer it first and in time. Don't mention the whole benefits thing, just say she has requested that he leave on XX occasions, starting on or around XX date and he is in a flat which is her tenancy and he is emotionally abusive and won't leave and she needs him out. And mention the urgency due to him being away for a day.

OK - change locks if she is legally allowed to do so / within terms of tenancy.

This is where this sort of thread is better in Legal.

She’s been told she’s fine to change the locks, she’s just got to wait for him to be out. A lot of posters and me mentioned the police but apparently they won’t do anything unless he’s physically violent or threatening the children. They won’t just come and remove him. (I thought they would) he’s behaving more desperate and begging her to let him live there, back to saying he’lL kill himself.

So locks is her only option. :/