How long can I ignore DP

[ParanoiaWillAnnoyHer]

NC for this.

Im not talking to my DP at the moment- havent been since Sunday. Im eight months pregnant, we have a good relationship, everything has been fine with no real added stresses, he doesnt smoke, take drugs and doesnt drink much.

He has a tendency towards being a bit jealous/over possessive, but these come from his own issues (whatever they may be) and I ignore them. Think doesnt like me wearing anything he considers low cut or tight (ignored) and thinks that all men talking to me are trying it on (flattering, but wrong) that sort of shit. Its a tiny part of who he is and he has got better over time and it certainly doesnt define the relationship or anything- its a minor irritant.

However, at the weekend he completely overstepped the mark. He works nights and I got a call at 2am which woke me up. Id been in bed early with horrendous lower back pain.

'where are you?' Bed
'You sound different' you woke me up
'whats that noise in the background?' the tv, fell asleep with it on
'you dont normally watch that. It doesnt sounds like X programme, it sounds like people' it must have come on after I fell asleep
'are you sure youre at home? Its a bit convenient your back hurt and you needed to go to bed' of course Im sure, whats with the questions?
'Ive just seen a woman walk past here with two men and she looks just like you' Im in bed...
'well it looks like you, with two men, you were wearing a pinkish blazer' (spectacularly missing the point) I dont own a pink blazer. Im heavily pregnant are you telling me you think you saw a heavily pregnant woman wandering around town with two men and think its me?
'well she is big. Are you sure youre in bed?' Go fuck yourself.

Thats a shorter version but it sums it up.

I hung up and sent him a text message telling him not not bother coming near me if that was what he thought of me, never mind the fact that Im heavily pregnant, in pain and in bed he had the nerve to accuse me of lying... and some more choice words beside. Told him it was his paranoia and I was sick to my back teeth of the whole lot of it.

I dont think Im unreasonable to be fuming with him for this- there is a huge difference between your insecurities making you a bit paranoid but its another to accuse your heavily pregnant girlfriend of faking a bad back to go to bed so she can go out on the town partying with men after you go to work and then interrogate her from her whereabouts to the content on tv at 2am. Fucking moron.

He's tried to initiate conversation but Ive just said yes, no or blanked him entirely. He brings me drinks and tea but not once has he acknowledged that he's overstepped the line (line is so far in the distance I cant see the line at this point) or attempted to apologise.

Not speaking to him is childish, but I dont want to be drawn into having conversations that get less frosty until this is glossed over and he can make this a non-issue that wasnt his fault because I think its high time he accepted responsibility for this crap and acknowledged it- and I want an apology because the fact he thinks that Id do that, even if it is all in his head, disgusts me. And if he really holds that opinion of me, he can piss off.

AIBU to keep not talking to him and wait for him to make an apology/explanation or should I be tackling him on it?

Quite an escalation of what sounds like a long term problem. He needs to address his irrational jealousy with a therapist. If I may I would suggest Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT). It’s a very structured and challenging approach designed to get someone to recognise their rigid and extreme attitudes and beliefs, so not a wet and wondering approach. If he won’t acknowledge this behaviour as a problem and take steps to change it then I think you’ve got real problems up ahead when there are children in the mix (assuming this is your first). Good luck OP and good for you for not acquiescing.

I hate people who "dont talk", or give one word answers.
You need to find a better way of communicating before bringing a child into this environment of not talking, it's not healthy for them.

He was well out of line for suggesting it could have been you with 2 other men and basically accusing you of being a liar.

Yes I would be annoyed but as a one off incident, I would put him straight and move on.

If he was often making me feel crappy and pulling these stunts he would be gone..

My partner went through a phase like this and I went psycho at him and told him it's like I cant breath.

He has calmed down a lot now

Every single thread I’ve seen on here with the male partner refusing to speak and sulking has said that this is abusive behaviour. I get that you’re angry, but how is refusing to speak helping? What is your aim and how can you achieve it? Yes, he’s been an utter twat, but not speaking is not helping the situation. This is entirely his problem, yes, but you need to talk to resolve/demand an apology/tell him to fuck off.

I think you need to get away from him for a while and make it very clear that this type of behaviour is not on.

I also would be fearful that once baby is here he will start to show even more jealous and insecure tendencies directed at the baby. How long til he starts nastily questioning paternity. This sounds like the sort of guy who would try and drag you onto Jeremy Kyle for a DNA and lie detector test.
Unless he honestly addresses his problem it will only get worse

@Cherrysoup honestly? Im torn between being so utterly furious that I dont trust myself not to say something that I cant take back out of anger (and I dont think this si a situation where losing my temper is going to help) and that I dont think it should be me having to prompt this- he was 100% in the wrong and he should want to fix it- not with passive gestures but by acknowledging that he did it.

Maybe that where Im being unreasonable though- I have to talk to him at some point, my gut just thinks he should be the one making the effort. But that does sound childish when its two adults having a problem.

@YouokHun thankyou for that, I'm going to look that up

He sounds unhinged. I'd suggest he goes to the doctor to be checked out.

He's controlling and abusive. He woke you up in the middle of the night to harangue you. He cannot possibly have reasonably believed you were out cavorting with two ransoms while 8 mths pregnant with back pain. It would be a mad thing to imagine even if you weren't. I mean, even assuming you were a raging nympho banging two men at a time the second your partner was at work, you'd hardly parade them past his workplace would you?

He's nuts or abusive or most likely both. He thinks he owns you. He will think he owns your child too and will have far more power over them.

Sorry but you need to get out of this relationship, don't put his name on the birth certificate, and move dad far away or he will be controlling you in one way or another until child is 18 or even beyond. By getting you pregnant he thinks he has his hooks into you for life. And he's right.

What work does he do where he is able to gawp at women walking down the road with two men? And if he genuinely thought it was you, how would you be talking to him, whilst he was watching the woman not answering the phone?

My suggestion is that there was no woman. At all. Or he would have called out right?

Why would you want an apology from this man? How would that help? He sounds like a dangerous controlling person. You say you have the means to be without him, I'd make that happen. Can you tell him to go back to his parents for a while?

Op you have given him plenty of time for him to admit he was in the wrong. He knows exactly why you are being frosty and thinks if he can patronise you with platitudes you’ll eventually come round and forget all about it.

You need to now get openly angry so that he knows he cannot walk over you like this. But only from a place of safety and only for a very short burst as you have your health to think about. So you need to go to your parents if you can then call him and say your piece and then take some time to prepare for childbirth without this shitstorm

if it were me id be laying down some serious ground rules from here on out, and i would be putting on a fucken tight top while i do it and if he, just once, said something i would tell him to pack his bags!!! if he doesnt trust you how can there be a real relationship... trust is the number one thing you have to have, right now hes constantly accusing you and trying to stop you... but that kind of behavior doesn't actually stop anyone it more likely ends up pushing you to end the relationship and find someone not fucked up... so make some firm ground rules and if he breaks the rules kick him out... do it now rather than in 5 years time