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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder where you made mum friends

48 replies

Jadefeather7 · 10/09/2019 20:22

Currently on mat leave with a 5 month old baby who was very unsettled in early days so didn’t really go out. Don’t have any friends with babies. My Nct group hasn’t worked out which is a shame. I will be going to baby sensory next week. Any other suggestions?

OP posts:

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 10/09/2019 21:25

My NCT group completely disbanded (unless they all started a new chat without me!) so no joy there, went to coffee mornings, baby sensory, hartbeeps....nada. the mums all seemed to be friends already and I'm an introvert who's shit at small talk. I have a couple of the mums on facebook but just at chit chat level, even now we are at nursery age.

Thankfully my mates are now mums with kids either a bit older or younger than mine, just not very local so getting together doesn't happen often.

Thing may be different as DC gets older, I did really stress about it at one point but for now, meh.

Sunshine93 · 10/09/2019 21:26

Swimming baby groups are a lovely idea. Most of the people at mine used to go for coffee afterwards. Once you get chatting to people it will just be natural to sit together.

I met my best friends at the children's centre. They still exist round here so look them up.

Also baby yoga and massage.

It's so much easier to chat to other adults at this age than once they are toddlers so I would really out the effort in and be proactive when you are there

Original poster

Jadefeather7 · 10/09/2019 21:29

@mummbratheeverleaking that’s basically what happened with mine, just went really quiet. One or two were trying to arrange a meet-up but no one else showed much interest. I wasn’t able to go as my baby was sooo unsettled. Now he seems much better and I want to get out and socialise a bit. I would prefer to hang out with people who are really local as my baby is on a strict nap schedule (due to his precious unsettledness) so I can’t go out too far or for too long!

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 10/09/2019 21:33

At a playgroup in the village hall. I went to quite a few baby groups, but this one was different and I just clicked with the other mums. My dc are now 8 and 6 and we are still friends and they are the people I can count on for help with childcare in an emergency, who I can discuss parenting problems etc.

hammeringinmyhead · 10/09/2019 21:36

I haven't managed it - my NCT group has been great so far (babies all 10-11 months) but as everyone else meets mums through NCT in my area, a lot of the classes I've gone to have been half-occupied by a group that already knows each other.

I did get the Peanut app which is like Tinder for mums and people keep waving at me but I'm scared to wave at anyone back!

Workingmum8 · 10/09/2019 21:40

Hartbeeps if you have one locally or there’s a Mum friends ap called Mush that you could try.

Our NCT group was great for the first year but seems to have fizzled now. They were lovely but we mostly had our babies in common and everyone is back at work. Like you, my baby is unsettled (a total nightmare), and in a way I wish I hadn’t dragged myself to so many meet ups considering we haven’t really kept in touch.

I usually just stick to a few baby groups a week, I haven’t clicked with anyone that way yet but it’s nice to just be out with DD. For me friendships tend to happen naturally and it takes me a while to get to know people.

MikeyTheMouse · 10/09/2019 21:42

Playgroups, but I wouldn’t say they’re really friends.

Chocness · 10/09/2019 21:45

Preschool mostly and doing voluntary work without my child! It’s difficult when they are young and it’s your first. I remember being desperate for friends and just not finding any. It’s got easier as my child has got older. Still only have a few but all really lovely ladies who I can be myself with. I would say get out and about when you can, don’t try too hard (ie be yourself) and above all don’t be embarrassed to ask for someone’s number/arrange a coffee date if you meet someone you like.

Purplejay · 10/09/2019 21:48

At that age the NCT baby and toddler group. Later I volunteered for the NCT too.

Abouttimemum · 10/09/2019 21:51

It’s worth asking your health visitor and local community centre first of all, or sign up to a baby massage course, once you’ve been to one you can ask whoever runs it or other mums in attendance where they go and for other ideas.

I’m lucky as up here there’s free classes right across the city for babies from birth. I went to one at my local community centre and that led to me finding out about this whole world of free classes.

I was in a similar position to you, I had a really difficult start to motherhood and my baby is still quite difficult, however, I now find it far easier to be out with him than in! We go to something every day. And on a Saturday he goes swimming with his dad.

On particularly difficult days we go straight from the class to a free sensory room
In the city centre - I found out about this from another mum aswell.

I’m actually quite anti social but have met some lovely mums and my baby is definitely easier to deal with when he’s entertained!!

Abouttimemum · 10/09/2019 21:52

Also I didn’t even know what the NCT was until another mum at swimming was telling me about it! I’ve never been a part of NCT.

Sorrysorrysosorry · 10/09/2019 21:56

I heard so may people say “oh you make lots of friends when you have a baby” not when you have a difficult baby
Then it was “ you make lots of friend when they go to school”
Except if you have a play ground full of cliques who all have older children in the school.
We had loads of kids round for play dates (never reciprocated) invited parents for coffee morning that they came to but never reciprocated as they all had their own friends with their older kids parents.
Mine is now a teen in the last year of high school.
I still have no friends I grew up with lots of play dates and constantly going to my mums friends houses to play whilst all the mums had coffee and us kids played, I feel sad I haven’t been able to give my child the same happy experience.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 10/09/2019 21:57

I made acquaintances to pass the time of day, share baby stories with etc. At baby groups. Nice to get some adult contact, but not lasting friends.

My real mum friends I made when the kids started school and pre school. Also I met two of my best friends at work as we went on mat leave at the same time, started meeting for coffee every week and are still friends 11 years later. Our babies go to secondary school together!

MillicentMartha · 10/09/2019 21:57

Baby and toddler groups, usually in a church hall. I’m not religious at all but nobody minded, most of the other mums weren’t either. I made a whole new set of friends once DS1 started school.

bananacakerox · 10/09/2019 22:11

I made a few really good 'Mum' friends through the nursery my DCs attended. That & NCT & then it's onto pre-school. You might not make instant friends straightaway but it's worth persevering.

I also liked taking my Dcs out on their own eg to outdoor play areas, picnics etc. When my DS was a toddler, he loved all manner of buses, trains and trams so a fun (!) day out was easily spent on public transport.

TheTrollFairy · 10/09/2019 22:14

I reconnected with people I knew at school.
‘Mum’ groups for me were the worst as I’m an awkward being!

Pimmsypimms · 10/09/2019 22:26

Local Playgroup's for me, bit hit and miss tho as some were just too cliquey, but then found a couple of lovely ones that for me were lifesavers in the early years!! Also school, my ds went to the nursery attached to his infant school so made friends with the mums then.

inboxmayhem · 10/09/2019 22:37

Baby Sensory! We are all still the best of friends 10 years down the line

Shouldibeworriedaboutthis · 10/09/2019 22:39

I managed to get to kids being in primary school with not a single mum friend.

I had my kids young so none of the ‘normal’ mums wanted to be friends with me.

Half considering another baby now I’m older just to try and make a bloody friend.

Tigger001 · 10/09/2019 22:45

I did the sensory classes, they were great.

We did/do a ducklings swimming session twice a week

Have a look for some rhyme time sessions or story time sessions.

Baby yoga or baby massage

Baby signing sessions

We have a great group, and I find a we do new things we bump into other mums we met from different sessions

Goodness I would have rather have stuck pins on my eyes, now I love them...oh how we change 😳😪❤

Mammylamb · 10/09/2019 22:49

Local church toddler groups.
Bookbug (baby story time) in local library
Baby sign and sign
Baby massage classes
Baby sensory

I just randomly started speaking to any mum who looked friendly enough and / or also a wee bit lost. Always gave them my number to meet up for coffee. Ended up with a large group of mum friends who I’m still good friends with 4 years later

whattodo2019 · 10/09/2019 22:57

For me I found friends-
Breast feeding support group
Baby sensory
Water babies
NCT coffee mornings not classes
Music group
Toddler groups
Nursery
School

I met lots of v lovely people but not all life long friends

BackforGood · 10/09/2019 23:02

Ask on your local Face book site for anyone to recommend any groups that you can take a baby to. I see posts like that every now and then on my local group and am AMAZED how many there are. Quite a lot of the Churches just run one day a week, so you could try several out over a fortnight and see which one(s) you like. But people might also post about other things - so, for example near here there is a walking group where people walk with prams. You are out and about, getting quite a few 'steps' in, chatting as you walk, and I'm pretty certain it's no coincidence they start and finish at a centre with a cafe.

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