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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it's ok for small boys to run sticks along the wall as they walk to school

57 replies

Thornbird · 09/08/2007 10:38

My sister was walking her boys to the childminder this morning. The boys are five and three and they both had picked up sticks on the way and were running them along railings and walls as they went. So far so normal.

Then a woman came up to my sister and said "I can't believe you're letting them do that - it's vandalism"...

My sister said when she really looked at the wall you could see that the sticks had left faint scuff marks like chalk marks on the wall, but the sort of marks that get washed off in the rain, or that you can rub off with a finger. And they hadn't really seen the marks - they were just enjoying running the sticks along the wall. I can imagine doing it myself to be honest!

Now I am the world's nastiest litter monitor - but I really wouldn't mind about this and it never occurred to me that small boys weren't allowed to run sticks along walls any more. If you can't do this, can you draw a hopscotch grid on the pavement outside your house with chalk like we used to?

What's the verdict?

OP posts:

12lbnaturally · 09/08/2007 11:19

What a rotten old bag that woman was. Boys play with sticks and are bound to do that aren't they? At three and five they are hardly doing it with the intention of being deviant are they?! What a miserable society are kids are growing up in. How sad.

maisemor · 09/08/2007 14:51

I am actually the one who taught my son and daughter to do that with their sticks when passing a fence. It wasn't my husband. I loved doing that as a kid. It is noisy and it is fun.

I honestly don't see how it can be classified as vandalism. How is a small stick going to break a brick wall or a fence? That is one heck of a strong kid you've got there mam

So what exactly does she think that children should be doing?

I think it would be much easier if we got a booklet (there probably aint going to be enough stuff to put in it to make it a book) on what children are allowed to do in this day and age.

I really hate this attitude of children should be seen but not heard. I agree the whole screaming their heads of when they can just talk to each other is absolutely unnecessary.

littlelapin · 09/08/2007 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nightynight · 09/08/2007 15:00

it is disrespectful to let your children touch other peoples fences or walls. I dont let mine do it.

chalking on the pavement is another matter, it doesnt encroach on anyones property.

maisemor · 09/08/2007 15:30

Wow, I find it very petty not letting children do it.

maisemor · 09/08/2007 15:31

Are they not allowed to touch other people's driveways either? Bushes?

I am not trying to be funny here, but I think it very odd that children are now not allowed to touch fences.

fillyjonk · 09/08/2007 15:34

oh fkn hell, that is a bit .

Its what kids DO. Its normal childhood play, fgs.

meandmyflyingmachine · 09/08/2007 15:38

I cannot see that touching other people's fences is disrespectful.

Making excessive noise is antisocial, and I would tell them to stop, but touching other people's fences...?

fillyjonk · 09/08/2007 15:40

yes the railings could be a PITA

I think i am esp concerned about how it was phrased

"look, I am sorry but its really noisy, would you mind stopping"-fine.

"thats vandalism" - ffs.

iota · 09/08/2007 15:41

I don't think kids should touch people's fences, walk on their walls, run across their lawns or touch their bushes.

I do think that they can do these things in public spaces though e.g. in the playground. I also let them climb on the fences there and run up the slide.

Original poster

Thornbird · 09/08/2007 16:13

I should just make it clear, the woman who told my sister off wasn't the owner of the wall - just a passerby standing up for standards in behaviour of young boys towards walls!

OP posts:

mm22bys · 09/08/2007 16:14

My DS1 is only 3, and he sometimes does this, but I don't let him (or try not to encourage it).

I don't personally have a problem with it, but I don't encourage it only because the person whose fence it is mightn't like it.

I don't think it's our place to "OK" our kids touching other people's property.

(For what it's worth, I probably wouldn't get too upset if a kid "only" ran a stick along our fence.)

meandmyflyingmachine · 09/08/2007 16:16

Seriously?

Touching other people's property?

mm22bys · 09/08/2007 16:18

Yes, within reason of course.

Of course if he knows the person, say he goes to a friend's house, I don't think it's not ok to play with friend's toys, but walking down the street and touching someone's car? No way.

12lbnaturally · 09/08/2007 16:37

All children between the ages of 1 and 5 who, in public, shout, play fight, touch fences or walls, climb trees or look the wrong way at adults should be issued ASBO'S. And heaven forbid the child that has a tantrum in a supermarket or cries on a bus.

meandmyflyingmachine · 09/08/2007 16:38

Touching a fence. Putting out a hand and touching a fence?

12lbnaturally · 09/08/2007 16:40

If anyone dared come up and reprimand my two boys for touching a fence they would get a mouthful. I just think its bloody pathetic, I've got alot more important things to worry about than whether my kids are touching someone's fence. Like whether they are going to run in the road!

anewname · 09/08/2007 16:42

Is this still to me?

What point are you trying to make?

I have said already that I wouldn't necessarily mind if a child ran a stick along my fence, but I still don't think it's my place to ok my child doing the same to the property of somebody I don't know.

They may be fine with it, or they may not, but it is not my place to make the judgement on their behalf.

iota · 09/08/2007 16:47

I don't let my kids other people's touch fences, bushes etc because whilst touching them might be harmless, I could just see the next step being my 5 yr old pulling bits off bushes to present to me as a flower and so on.

Also running a stick along a fence might not damage it, but then again it might if it were stained softwood - would you be happy if your new fence had erratic lines scored across it by some random child?

So IMHO best not to let your children do anything to other people's property and then you avoid potential problems

meandmyflyingmachine · 09/08/2007 16:48

It was in response to this:

"it is disrespectful to let your children touch other peoples fences or walls"

and then this:

"I don't think kids should touch people's fences"

Are you on this thread?

What was the old name...?

meandmyflyingmachine · 09/08/2007 16:51

I wouldn't mind. Truly.

I don't think it is right to damage someone's stuff, of course not. But I don't think it is inherently disrespectful to touch it.

But yes, I curb my children for the sake of neighbourly harmony...

Original poster

Thornbird · 09/08/2007 16:52

really didn't need a definitive right or wrong on this - genuinely interested in views so no need for anyone to persuade anyone else that their view is correct.

FWIW, anyone is welcome to come and run a stick along any wall of mine and pick any leaves off any hedge of mine (not that I have any walls or hedges as am in a fourth floor flat).

OP posts:

lucyellensmum · 09/08/2007 16:56

children, not just boys, love doing that sort of thing, in fact it is a prescribed developmental milestone - i would have told the woman to mind her snout!

Leati · 10/08/2007 04:34

Here is the reasons, my boys wouldn't be allowed.

First, whether they were hurting someones property or not is often left to the interpretation of the owner. I don't want to unnecessarily piss someone off.

Second, my experience tells me sticks and kids don't mix. It starts of innocently and then it slowly esculates into sword fighting and then someone is hurt.

Lastly, if they did happen to on accidently scratch or hurt someone elses property, I would be financially responsible.

MotherFunk · 10/08/2007 05:13

Message withdrawn

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