Coping with baby wakers

[Pash01]

Hello, I think I’ve posted this in the wrong place already and I’m not sure if this is the right place so apologies in advance for double posting.

My mother has been staying with us for the last few months to help us with our baby and my recovery from a c-section. Mostly she’s been doing house work and watches baby while I shower, eat, etc. On one hand it’s been great and on the other it’s been a strain on our relationship. She is now looking for flights to go back home :(

We always argue over the same thing. She keeps waking the baby during his nap times by talking loudly outside his bedroom, slamming doors, putting noisy cutlery away, even though I’ve asked her not to. She doesn’t think anything of it and thinks I’m being ridiculous. I‘ve asked her numerous times to keep the noise down and she just doesn’t see it as a problem and doesn’t understand why I get so upset as she’s had 4 children. I’ve tried to explain to her that it means another half hour to an hour of trying to settle him and me not being able to do the things I need to get done and sometimes that’s just catching up on sleep but she’s not having any of it. However I do occasionally see her trying to make an effort.

I admit it really annoys me when people wake him but it makes me angry when they don’t even apologise for it and think I’m being unreasonable.

I’m not even sure I’m making any sense as I’m so upset right now. I love my mum dearly but the stress of having a new baby, being sleep deprived and her carelessness of disturbing his naps and never apologising for it is really winds me up. She brought up moving her flight forward again which I think it’s probably best as having her here is staining our relationship but I don’t want her to leave on a bad note.

So the advice I’m looking for is how can I avoid getting so upset and not letting her know she’s made me angry? I’ll just need to accept having to put my baby down repeatedly.

And, when she does leave any suggestions on how to make her exit more

Lastly, I would like to know people’s thoughts on other people waking their babies during naps.

A few months.... can’t quite believe you’ve managed to deal with your mum living with you for that length of time.

Mums are awesome, but they’ve had their chance to do it their way, and YANBU to want to do it your own way.

Bite your tongue hard, it won’t be the last time you’ll have a difference of opinion about your DC and there are bigger hills to die on so to speak.

Try to enjoy the time you have left with her, then breathe a huge sigh of relief when she heads home. Enjoy your baby in peace and quiet. After a few weeks you’ll forget you were irritated by it, and be back to missing her. Next DC, tell her you don’t need as much help as you are an old hand at it.

I realised it didn’t copy properly.

‘... how make her exit more pleasant?’

Yes, I’ve learned to bite my tongue with everything else but I’ve been really struggling with this one. I just need to do it because obviously even mentioning that a noise has woken him leads into an argument. Thank you. I feel a bit better now.

'If you wake that baby again you can rock it back to sleep.'

Serioualy though I don't know what you can do. How you haven't flown into a murderous rage already is admirable. Good luck OP.

It’s for the best that she leaves. I can see why you think she’s being unreasonable - my mum came to ‘help’ when my first was born and just did my head in and stressed me out and bossed me around and she was only there for two weeks! But she probably thinks you’re being ungrateful. Just send her home and look after the baby alone - surely you’ve recovered from the birth after several months? Just talk to her and explain that you have appreciated her help but that it’s damaging your relationship so she should go. Several months is WAY too long to have any mother staying - even the nicest mum!

Thanks for the comments and advice.
She lives overseas so I usually only see her once a year and she stayed before for a long time and it was fine so I didn’t think it would be an issue. But it’s definitely different with a baby.

Last month when we got into an argument (for the same thing) she said she was leaving but I asked her not to because I wasn’t sure if I could cope on my own as my husband was going to be away for most of the month and now here we are again.

I’ll speak with her this week about it as I think I can cope on my own now. It won’t be easy but I feel like I just need to get on with it. It just makes me sad.