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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Spiteful Video...

23 replies

frankieanddaisy · 10/09/2019 09:56

I have name changed for this. Will keep it brief but try and include all relevant information.
My DD is 9, she is a member of a rugby team. She hasn’t been to training or been in the team for a few weeks, due to injury. During this time, the team have been recruiting new players. New players have joined, all going well and they seem to of fitted right in. However, one of the children has posted a video on social media about my DD. Its really unkind, especially as they don’t personally know each other. Name calling, threats and general spiteful unpleasantness! AIBU to think that the coach should deal with this or should I find out via the coach who this child’s parents are and sort it out myself? Also, if this happened to your child, what would you expect to happen? Why do you think this child has done this when they are strangers? Help!

OP posts:

Witchinaditch · 10/09/2019 09:57

Go to the coach. Not the parents. If the coach does nothing then maybe talk to parents. Coach should be your first call.

HighNetGirth · 10/09/2019 09:58

I would approach the coach first. It is as well to have an ally as parent-to-parent communications can go wrong very quickly.

Witchinaditch · 10/09/2019 09:58

Sorry your daughter is going through this! Sounds awful

dollydaydream114 · 10/09/2019 10:18

Definitely speak to the coach in the first instance - it will be easier to broach it with them than with the parents. Also, rugby is a team sport and I'm pretty sure the coach would want to know if one team member is bullying others, and would want to clamp down on it straight away. It will go utterly against everything they're trying to teach the kids about team spirit and so on.

It's incredibly weird that they don't actually know each other personally, though. Generally kids do stupid nasty stuff like this over some personal beef or other. It's doubly disturbing to pick on someone they don't actually know at all. If that really is the situation, this other child sounds mad.

Original poster

frankieanddaisy · 10/09/2019 10:37

dollydaydream114 It really is, which is why I am so baffled. They go to different schools in different areas, no other mutual clubs and as I say DD hasn't been training so not met there yet. It is so strange.

OP posts:

AryaStarkWolf · 10/09/2019 10:40

dollydaydream114 It really is, which is why I am so baffled. They go to different schools in different areas, no other mutual clubs and as I say DD hasn't been training so not met there yet. It is so strange.

Do you think maybe a girl who does know her from the team told her to do it? Or would they be competing for a position on the team? very odd.

I do agree with others though, I would go to the coach as my first port of call

Harshsea · 10/09/2019 10:47

Definitely approach the coach. Can you screen record the video so you have it if it is taken down?
I suspect the child is worried they will lose their place on the team if dd comes back but that is no excuse.

If they were older or more pro I would want the child off the team however at this age I am not sure. I would want the parents to know, an apology from the child to mine and a warning that if it carried on they couldn't play there. How awful.

Original poster

frankieanddaisy · 10/09/2019 11:06

I am trying to find out if they have anyone mutual from the team in common, I don't know at this stage as we haven't been there, I do know this child does not go to school with anyone else on the team.
I have emailed the coach with a copy of the video - It has to be seen to be believed!

OP posts:

AryaStarkWolf · 10/09/2019 11:10

@frankieanddaisy I hope the coach is good with this sort of thing and it gets nipped in the bud asap. How have your DDs friends/other team mates reacted to it, was it shared publicly where they all saw it?

mbosnz · 10/09/2019 11:12

Go to the coach. I've found it helpful in such situations to approach it as the other child needing to be educated about appropriate online behaviour, and possible consequences of using social media inappropriately - both for themselves and for their target. It means the parents are often a lot more receptive to hearing the message, and responding appropriately, rather than feeling compelled to defend their child and their behaviour.

Original poster

frankieanddaisy · 10/09/2019 11:36

AryaStarkWolf It was shared publicly on a social media platform, another parent sent it to me. I have no idea who else has seen it.

OP posts:

ElektraUnchained · 10/09/2019 13:22

Good work emailing it. You might want to download it if you haven't already so you have a copy for proof if its deleted.

FrankieDoyle · 10/09/2019 13:55

How does a 9 year old (presumably) even have access to social media?

GrimDamnFanjo · 10/09/2019 13:57

The coach should sort this out. Agree that it sounds like the girl could have been coerced into it.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/09/2019 14:01

The coach needs to sort this.
I hope you DD is ok, they think they are untouchable on social media.
Save the clip if the coach doesn't sort it I'd go to the parents.

nornironrock · 10/09/2019 14:05

Absolutely go to the coach. Rugby is a sport that simply does not tolerate this kind of behaviour. My son and his team mates are like family - he's 11, and has played form the age of 3.

Team is everything in rugby: I am sure the other child will be educated as to the standards that are to be expected.

Good luck, and hope the season goes well after injury!!! Hope she comes back stronger!!!

dollydaydream114 · 10/09/2019 14:07

Obviously we’ve not seen the video so forgive me if this is a stupid question, but is absolutely certain that it’s your DD she’s talking about? It couldn’t be another girl with the same first name, could it? Does it specifically mention the rugby club and your DD’s full name?

I don’t suppose there’s a chance your DD has set up a social media account of her own without your knowledge and the other girl has got to ‘know’ her from that?

Shockers · 10/09/2019 15:13

There will be a welfare officer at the club- you need to report the incident to him/her.

hittheroadjack1 · 10/09/2019 15:24

I would be at the coach and the parents.

Nip this in the bud now.

Original poster

frankieanddaisy · 10/09/2019 16:15

dollydaydream114 The video was absolutely about DD it was titled “I hate (her full name”.

OP posts:

Gingerkittykat · 10/09/2019 16:44

How old is the child who posted a video?

My friends daughter had a nasty video posted on FB about her, and FB eventually took it down but not before the damage of the whole town seeing it was done.

I think making kids/parents sign some kind of social media policy would be a good idea.

miaCara · 10/09/2019 16:51

Im shocked at this sort of bullying in a Rugby team. My Dn plays and it has made such a difference to his life. There is no bullying as they all support each other .This is driven from the outset by coaches and families who are all closely interlinked .
They have a great social life together now they are older and are in and out of each others houses. It doesnt work to have separate factions within the team.
I would go to the coach who should be furious at this behaviour. There is simply no excuse for it.

Filu22 · 11/09/2019 10:18

Wow my daughter is also 9 and wouldn't expect to have this going on at thier age 😭 I'm sorry she is going through this and if I was the coach I would let her go and say bullying isn't tolerated in this club. I hope the coach sorts this issue for you.. Also as a parent I would be absolutely livid if my daughter had done something so mean I would want to know! X

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