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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work friend BU or not?

15 replies

Wonderland18 · 10/09/2019 00:35

So I was supposed to go back to work next week after 9 months maternity leave.

Long story but there’s been a lot of family issues I’ve had to assist with and I’ve not been able to introduce DD to long days without me (she’s not done more than 3.5 hours) she’s breastfed and refuses every bottle (and we’ve tried them all) and will spit out her water from a sippy cup as if it’s hilarious.

My work were great and agreed to extend my maternity leave to include 6 weeks unpaid prior to my return so I could get DD off the boob and onto a cup or bottle. Now this is likely to be just water and solids while I’m there as she will purple face scream if offered milk without nipples but I’m only going back 3 day weeks so this should be ok.

Anyway my friend found out I was extending my time off and has messaged me to have a go. He thinks it’s stupid for me to take unpaid leave to get DD more comfortable with it and I should just leave and let her cry as she will work it out eventually. Now I’m not comfortable flinging myself into 9 hours away from her when I know she will be upset most of it for the first few days, I get after day 2/3 she’s likely to be fine as babies adjust but I’d much rather build her up a bit by expanding the time I spend away from her. He seems genuinely annoyed at me for this as if my anxieties aren’t valid and I should “man up” and leave her to it.

I get he was probably happy I was returning and it may have been a disappointing turn but if I’m taking the loss on pay to spend time with my DD surely it’s not his place to be pissed off.
Before anyone says my job isn’t linked to his so it doesn’t affect his work at all, he doesn’t have any children personally either.

OP posts:
Expressedways · 10/09/2019 00:43

Of course he’s being unreasonable, it’s really weird behaviour from him especially when he doesn’t even have children so it’s not even unwanted shitty ‘advice’. He’s clearly way over invested in the friendship or he’s actually unhinged.

JudgeRindersMinder · 10/09/2019 00:45

He’s completely unreasonable. I’d keep hold of that message though

DramaAlpaca · 10/09/2019 00:47

Don't take any notice. It's none of his business & as he doesn't have children himself he hasn't got a clue really, has he? You're doing the right thing for your DD, your employer is supportive, that's all that matters.

Stephminx · 10/09/2019 00:50

It's nothing to do with him.
But as the old mumsnet saying goes... welcome to parenting - opinions are like a*holes, every one has one.
Just ignore him and do what you think is best. I wouldn't even give him any head space.

Wonderland18 · 10/09/2019 00:55

He’s a really nice friend usually, gets grumpy at times but who doesn’t.
I can’t tell if it’s cruel to be kind as I’ve spent my entire MAT leave just being a mum 24/7 and haven’t had time to myself. Time with DD is so precious I don’t mind though.
Very grateful works been so supportive, cannot fault them at all!

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 10/09/2019 01:01

I think that he just misses you and isn't used to having to put anyones needs before his own.

I had similar with my spawnless friends.

You know what is best for your child. But I wouldn't call him out either. X

Intheupsidedown · 11/09/2019 15:26

Dear lord he needs to he told to do one.

I had to have 11 months with my dd cause I was still feeding. It was only after 10 months I managed to do a morning and evening feed so when I went back I could feed before leaving her and then before she went to bed.

Ignore your "friend" he has no idea about you or your child or attachments. You are doing what's best for you both.

I wonder.... is he close to his mum and dad? Wondering if he has attachment issues of his own so cant see why you are needing additional time?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 11/09/2019 15:29

I don’t have a single friend who would send me a message like that. Anyone that did wouldn’t be considered a friend. He’s not giving you supportive advice- just thinking of himself (weirdly). Don’t lean to much on him for supper- j expect you’ll find yourself disappointed.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 11/09/2019 15:30

support not supper! Grin

mbosnz · 11/09/2019 15:32

And what makes him think that his opinion is worth the screen it was written on?

No kids. Not directly impacted. Not management. Not his business.

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 11/09/2019 15:33

Why does his opinion matter?
Surely you have to do what's right for you.

FlaviaAlbia · 11/09/2019 15:38

Yeah, keep hold of that message. You might need it if his behaviour is weird when you go back.

You could message him back and say your decisions work for you family and it's not open for discussion but I'd just ignore it completely.

StressyDressyHeels · 11/09/2019 15:40

You can take up to 12months. You don’t need to justify yourself and it’s none of his business.

TwistedAnkle · 11/09/2019 15:48

I'd reply with
Thanks for sharing your opinions. I now know never to ask you to babysit! I'll see you in 6 weeks :)

Jayaywhynot · 11/09/2019 16:12

I'd say "when you have given birth to child, you get an opinion, until then zip it pal" bloody sauce

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