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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help with my ridiculous phobia?

32 replies

rubydoobydoo · 10/09/2019 00:19

Since I was very young, I have had this thing about buttons.
I am now 41 years old and after trying and failing to avoid them my whole life I've had enough, as not only are the things bloody everywhere, it's limiting what I can wear (duvet cover shopping is a nightmare too!) And I also know it's bloody ridiculous, they're just little plastic things with holes in and I have no issue with any other small plastic things!

I tried a hypnotherapy download thing but I don't think it was particularly good one, so if anyone has any recommendations I'm willing to have a look.

What I'm trying to do myself is work out exactly what it is that bothers me about them. It's almost like an OCD thing - I have to wash my hands if I touch one!

I have bought some shirts that I like. One has clear ones on it. I tried it on and was ok but haven't been able to bring myself to wear it. Another has covered buttons on it and I feel more comfortable with that one, but again haven't worn it yet. Another has a collar but no buttons down the front - it has them on the sleeves to hold rolled up sleeves up - I've worn that one a few times and love it so think I'm getting there slightly, and I've just got yet another shirt with black ones up the front that I really like so hoping to use that one as the next transition to normality!

Has anyone else had this totally stupid pointless phobia and managed to get over it?

OP posts:
Karkasaurus · 10/09/2019 00:26

It's a relatively common phobia. I know one person who is afraid of buttons too.

I hear the best therapy is just exposure. I was terrified of heights as a child (as in, having to be rescued by a policeman from some not particularly high climbing equipment). Eventually, I went gliding and then abseiling and then sky diving, and now I don't mind heights (well, within reason).

PeterthePainter · 10/09/2019 00:44

Is it all buttons? I mean are you troubled by toggle buttons like you find on duffel coats or square buttons? This is a serious question. I'm wondering whether it's the shape that's significant (so non-round buttons are OK)?

CTRL · 10/09/2019 00:45

What is that scares you about the buttons ?

Original poster
rubydoobydoo · 10/09/2019 00:47

I'm not so much scared of them as repulsed by them! I'm getting better I think, as I didn't even used to be able to eat near them as it put me off. It's bloody weird and I know it's bloody weird (but on the other hand, if it's relatively common - maybe I'm right? Grin)

I remember having a shirt I liked aged about 3, it was white with blue boats on it and the buttons didn't bother me, I wore it under a blue pinafore with a boat on the front. My mum had only borrowed it and had to give it back - maybe my phobia is a coping mechanism as I couldn't keep it? I've had this issue as long as I can remember apart from that!

OP posts:
Original poster
rubydoobydoo · 10/09/2019 00:53

Metal ones on jeans are ok - toggles have always been ok to look at but not touch.

It's like I feel my fingers are somehow tainted after touching them and have to wash my hands? Like they're slimy somehow.

Tortoiseshell ones are the worst and they seem to be everywhere at the moment.

It's completely and utterly irrational I know! My DH has a phobia of wasps, that makes total sense to me as they are evil fuckers that cause pain for no reason, but they don't bother me!

OP posts:
GodDammitAmy · 10/09/2019 00:59

Please don't berate yourself by calling it a ridiculous phobia. All phobias are irrational, but you are not helping yourself by kicking yourself. Please look into DARE. It's helped my multiple, irrational (not ridiculous!) phobias. dareresponse.com/

Joiningthegang · 10/09/2019 01:01

I really don’t like buttons at all and neither does my brother.
I’m ok ish with functional small ones but I don’t want to even look at horrid, oversized, decorative ones

And who thought of making jewellery from buttons - gross

Chocolate buttons are all fine though

pumkinspicetime · 10/09/2019 01:08

I remember one of first phobic dc I shadowed with a physiologist 25 years ago was button phobic. It isn't that unusual.
With some therapy it should be able to overcome. Look for a therapist who works with phobias.

Original poster
rubydoobydoo · 10/09/2019 01:14

Ewww yes jewellery and also those framed craft things and cards with buttons on.... yuk!
Chocolate buttons aren't really buttons. I'm fine with those too! Grin

OP posts:
WhatWouldJohnSay · 10/09/2019 01:20

Phobias are not rational so there is sometimes no rational way to exain it.
Exposure therapy can be helpful. Start small. Try touching some. Hand washing after is fine. Try this for up to 4 weeks. Then try wearing clothes. Don't do up the buttons, just wear the item at home over usual clothes for a number of weeks.
Another step is fastening the buttons.
All of this at home at your own pace.
Phobias (without trauma) can be resolved in a matter of steps like these.

Original poster
rubydoobydoo · 10/09/2019 02:36

I think I'm going to ask my mum if she remembered when it started. Only my mum and DH know about it as it feels like a silly thing to tell people!

And I'll continue with the exposure, I honestly think I'm getting somewhere. I just put my new shirt on again - I really do like it, the fabric is lovely compared to my usual t-shirts and it fits really nicely. It also has buttons on the sleeves like my other top and trying to do one of them up once I was wearing it became a bit of a mission! I took it off again as I don't think I can fully relax in it yet but I didn't wash my hands afterwards.
Nothing bad happened! Grin

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 10/09/2019 02:50

Koumpounophobia.

I just googled it. Apparently it isn't uncommon.

But that's neither here nor there, OP. As PPs have said, phobias are irrational by their very nature.

I hope you find a way to overcome this.

Proseccoinamug · 10/09/2019 06:37

CBT if you can afford it

Pinkcat231 · 10/09/2019 06:46

How about watching a video about how they’re made? Sounds odd but when you realise they start the same as other objects you have no issue with, maybe that’ll help?

Nodancingshoes · 10/09/2019 07:20

My sister has a phobia to buttons. She can cope with them on others (just about) but hates loose ones. I used to wind her up a treat when we were kids with buttons which probably didn't help... She is proper scared of them - she says they make her feel sick and shaky

Nodancingshoes · 10/09/2019 07:22

*Clothes not others

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 10/09/2019 07:35

The fact that you've found a shirt with buttons that you really like sounds like progress.

EmpressLesbianInChair · 10/09/2019 07:47

I wouldn’t say I had a phobia of buttons but having them as just decorations on clothes, cards etc looks silly to me.

Buttons that actually function are fine - though polo shirts buttoned to the neck look daft to me too.

Don’t know why, they just do.

NotJenson · 10/09/2019 07:56

You'd hate me.
My surname is Button.
After I gave a lecture, one of the students said her friend had to leave after a few minutes as the friend had a button phobia and felt ill listening to me!

Sweetdreamer93 · 10/09/2019 08:43

Hypnotherapy

Morado · 10/09/2019 08:48

I have a phobia of dead animals. It started when my cat would catch birds and leave them dead lying around the house for me to find unexpectedly. Now I'm petrified of birds and any other animal with eyes at the side of their head like fish and reptiles. I suppose I can expose myself to the animals but I can't exactly expose myself to dead animals. That's just weird! I'm buggered for life.

Morado · 10/09/2019 08:49

Oh and I also hate buttons. I'm not repulsed by them or scared in any way... I just hate them and won't wear anything with them on!

Good luck OP.

Lifecraft · 10/09/2019 08:54

How are you with chocolate buttons?

AlunWynsKnee · 10/09/2019 08:59

I've got OCD which shows up as something that isn't germs/cleaning.
I've had some success with CBT although I still have problems. Breathing does help when the adrenaline starts. I stand still and breathe in for 5 and out for 6. I try to push really hard at the end of the out breath. The adrenaline can only build for so long so you need to work through it.

WanderingMind · 10/09/2019 09:03

Don't berate yourself for a phobia. You can't help it but you can get help to deal with it (if you want to, of course!)

My ex had a phobia of coat hangers. He could not bear to be in the same room as one. No idea why. It's actually a thing too. Kremastraphobia. 🤯

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