To be feeling really hurt?

[Ballsandbiscuits]

I've just found out that dds dad is having another baby and Its breaking my heart.
We've been separated for 4 years but have always remained amicable and had a good co parenting relationship.
We've gone on holidays days out, always spend xmas and birthdays together and yes we were still sleeping together, both of us were single but wasnt good together, yet always had a sexual attraction.

He started seeing a woman last year and of course we stopped having sex, but still continued parenting our dd8 although he was letting things slide and wasnt around as much due to his partner, whom dd has only met twice.
We have also been arguing alot more because his partner is/was jealous of our friendship, she started to speak badly about me to mutual friends, stalking my social media and just being a really nasty piece of work. Shes very insecure and is constantly on the phone to him when he has dd asking when hes coming back as she doesn't want me around him, when it was sports day last term she called him a total of 40 times.

Anyway he left the relationship and has moved out if their home and in with friends. Two weeks later she has told him that shes pregnant which was unplanned, hes told her he doesn't want a baby but will support her decision no matter what. He has obviously kept this from me and the rest of his family, due to it being early stages and of course not wanting to upset me but now his ex partner has announced it all over social media and I've found out she done it like that specifically to get to me and it feels like my heart is breaking.

He wasn't around for my pregnancy from in was 3 months and missed dds first year (for reasons I don't want to go into on here) but we was still very much together and Inlove at the time, now finding this out has brought back all of those memories and thinking about all the things hes now going to be doing with this new baby is tearing me apart, but I don't know if I'm wrong for feeling this way?

Of course I'm now thinking about how my dd is going to feel about it all when he tells her and how it's going to change everything for all of us.
So how do I even deal with this situation?

@Booboooo yes he was.

Oh OP, is there no one at all you can discuss this with? I'm sorry to hear there isn't. Nonetheless, I hope you can feel free to discuss here and possibly find some support.

Your feelings are not invalid. Despite the fact the relationship did not work does not mean that you forget all the things you once had hoped you would have with one another. No one gets into a relationship hoping it will end someday and that bad things will happen.

Be kind and patient with yourself, and also allow yourself to love again. I'm not sure if you are seeing someone else? This child could be a wonderful thing for your daughter and if parenting is done well they could have a beautiful bond and have a lifelong relationship with one another.

All you can do is try and do your best for your daughter and I sincerely hope that your ex does step up for both of these children and that all of you are able to successfully co-parent. Nonetheless, for now it's important you block this woman as the less you know about her pregnancy the better. Whether you want to or not, you may compare your pregnancy with her and how he is which will only upset you, so please the one thing you can do immediately is block her out completely.

No there isn't that's what's getting to me I have no outlet. I would usually call him, but this is not something I should really be saying to him, as I know hes just getting his head around it and is really quite pissed off at the way things have gone too.

It's so hard not to compare though, as soon as I knew a million thoughts all ran through my mind about all the what ifs and the feelings I felt when dd had all of her firsts.
She will have that experience with him and their child, whether they're together or not.

Oh I am so sorry OP. It must be so difficult not having anyone either. You are more than welcome to message me or continue to post here, consider this your outlet. Sometimes we just need to let our feelings out, whether it be to someone else in person or if we write it out, it can help.

Discussing your feelings with him would be a no-no you are right. Firstly, we don't need to give him the ego boost, but more so, he needs to figure this out himself and contact you to discuss how to move forward, and what he plans for your daughter.

I know what you mean, my best friend has been in a similar situation. The saddest thing about hers was she was abandoned during her pregnancy and the father has no contact with his daughter. Yet, he went on to have more kids with another woman and appears to be a wonderful father to them. It is upsetting, especially when we once cared so much for the other person.

It's almost like you feel as though you were not good enough. That this new relationship was worth for him to behave like XYZ, yet you and your child was never worth the effort. It's all understandable, but you will get through this. What you have accomplished without him is something you should be very proud of, being the main carer for a child is not easy.

Just remember, you do not know how he will be with this child and his recent ex, he may decide he doesn't want to be involved at all until the child is born.

Be kind to yourself and patient with your feelings, things will get better.

I hope the future brings you a lot of happiness.

Thank you for allowing to me to see that my feelings are normal and valid.
I feel a bit better today.

Of course they are, OP! You have history with this man and have experienced a child with him, comparison and hurt is understandable, so never think you're being ridiculous for the way you feel. Sometimes things like this have a habit of re-opening old wounds.

I'm glad you are feeling better today, just continue to be patient and kind to yourself. There will be better days ahead.