Hi all,
DH has a friend who recently got divorced. His now ex wife chose to be divorced after few years of on and off separation and she lives abroad. Has a couple of young kids who live abroad with their mum.
I met the wife and she is a lovely woman. She is in remission.
The friend now lives alone. Away from his kids. He loves his kids but as things are recent they’re with their mum and they’re still figuring out how he can be involved. He seems to be going through depression and my DH is visiting him every other week or so.
I don’t know the cause of the divorce but he seems not to have moved on yet and according to him it’s due to her illness and wanting to be close to her parents abroad. I believe he has a personality disorder or so, which makes him slightly difficult to live with as he can be socially awkward. As DH experienced a bit of communication issues with him in the past. However he is a very nice person and very sincere so doesn’t bother the friendship.
My question is, he is quite socially awkward and so has told DH that he needs his help introducing him to people to date as he feels very lonely. He can be super intense however and I’m under the impression as he is lonely things will move very fast.
I met his ex wife and kids and I think their circumstances are difficult. He still spends on his kids while his ex is a SAHM. He hasn’t one child with special needs. And their Mother is sickly. So I feel sorry for them.
I have a friend who is also lonely and single, also socially awkward, and as I casually mentioned him to her because we see each other frequently , I was surprised that she became super interested as I didn’t feel she would be interested in someone with so many kids when she doesn’t have any.
He said to DH he is more interested in women who don’t want any kids and probably have kids of their own because he wants them to understand his responsibility to his kids and not see them as a burden. Which I admire.
DH thinks I should introduce my friend and his friend to each other but I can’t help but feel guilty to be involved at all because I still think it’s early days. It’s only been 5 months and most of this time his kids have been abroad. DH says that as he doesn’t seem emotionally clear minded and seems keen to start dating he will end up with the “wrong type” and that it’s better overall if we help him. But I can’t help but feel sorry for the kids as I feel they should come first.
My friend doesn’t have kids. Frankly I don’t think she understands what it involved. She isn’t and wouldn’t be the type to put them first -understandably.
I’m slightly confused because I was a step daughter and my dad committed to my step mum within 3 months of separation and she got pregnant. She was single and hadn’t no kids and we quickly became a burden to her. She didn’t understand my dads responsibility to us and she once told me that she didn’t realize what she was getting into. I don’t want to be projecting that’s why I want unbiased opinions.
My question is, shall I introduce said friend to him or AIBU to just not get involved and offer moral support to him and his family.
Both him and my friend seem to be slightly on the spectrum, they can be rather intense and not take anything slowly and perhaps not understand social cues as much.
Secondly he has been asking dating advice form DH and I on the matter- to do with his kids. What would you advise a father who has young kids with a sickly wife abroad so that he fulfills his responsibility as a dad.