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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd walking to school

11 replies

Peppapug71 · 09/09/2019 09:19

Hi, I’ve got two dcs, ds is 14, dd is 10 almost 11. She’s in year 6 now.

I’ve been a SAHM for along time and started training to be a teaching assistant last year. I’ve been offered a job about 10 miles away from my home. I’ve accepted and I’m really pleased. I didn’t think I’d get the job so hadn’t really thought beyond the interview.

So the thing is my dd will have to walk to and from school by herself. She’s ok with this, did cry a bit when I told her she’d have to walk etc but I told her she needs to do this. Dh agreed she’ll be fine. A few people have raised eyebrows when I’ve said dd will be walking to school - to put it in context, it’s 0.9 miles through a quiet town, three fairly quiet roads to cross. She did it this morning and was ok. I’ve also arranged for her to meet a friend part of the way so they can go together the rest of the way.

Dd is quite anxious generally. I think she’s mirroring me tbh as I am too. Dh thinks it’ll help her confidence to walk and it’ll do me good to work.

I know I’m being silly but I’m worried about letting her go.... but I need the money and I’m sick of being at home.

What do you think?

OP posts:

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 09/09/2019 09:39

If she's fit and there are no additional needs then idea no more than a 20/25 min walk on a route she already knows very very well, and she's meeting a friend. I'd be worried about a child who couldn't manage that at that age tbh. I get that you're anxious but your dh is right, it will do both your confidence in each other a world of good. And next year she'd be walking to secondary by herself anyway, this is just a perfectly normal step towards that.

Toodeloo · 09/09/2019 09:41

Make sure she has a phone with her and then let her enjoy her freedom :-)

StarKazan · 09/09/2019 09:42

My two daughters have been walking to school for the last 12 months, started when they were in years 3/4. Your daughter will be absolutely fine. By secondary school, many kids travel out of town to school so she should be all ok.

formerbabe · 09/09/2019 09:43

Year 6 is the time a lot of children start walking to school. My ds started to when he was 10. I do think 0.9 miles is quite a longish walk at that age but it's doable.

Will she have to leave the house by herself and lock up? If so, my concern would be her leaving on time and locking up the house.

WorraLiberty · 09/09/2019 09:45

I agree with ImFreeToDoWhatIWant

I too would worry more about a child who felt they couldn't do that at this age.

Some year 6 kids aren't allowed this sort of independence, yet come the following September they're supposed to magically take themselves off to senior school alone.

FunkySnidge · 09/09/2019 09:48

Sounds reasonable to me, have you given her some back up options to help her feel more confident if things go wrong? I.e make sure your work number is on her phone. Leave spare keys with a neighbour if she gets locked out. Ask her to message you when she gets in so you can reply and reassure her she is doing great etc... All helps to boost their confidence.

dollydaydream114 · 09/09/2019 09:59

It's fine. She's nearly 11 years old and it's less than a mile! Presumably when she starts secondary school in a year's time she'll have to start being a bit more independent anyway. The fact that she cried when you told her suggests she does need to start doing more things to make her feel more confident about being independent before she starts secondary school so it will probably be a good thing. Does she definitely know the way and can do it without getting lost?

Original poster

Peppapug71 · 09/09/2019 10:19

Phew! Thank you, I’m such a worrier and finding it hard to let her have her freedom. She’s a sensible girl, no SN and deep down I think it’ll help her confidence too. I probably making her anxiety worse so I need to step back a bit.

She has a key to the front door, ds will lock up so she doesn’t have to do that. She has her phone with her and I can check where she is with an app. She can phone me, I’ve put Schools number in her phone as well as her friends mums number. I’ve told school and they were fine about it. My ds has asd, high functioning, but he was at a Primary school where I had to drive him in due to distance so I’ve not had to think about this issue before

OP posts:

SistersOfMerci · 09/09/2019 10:31

At that age I'd just started to 'train' my autistic son to come home independently in preparation for the following year when he started secondary school.

Children do need to learn independence, it's a skill that will see them well through life.

BarbariansMum · 09/09/2019 10:41

I think the fact she's anxious about it suggests it's a really good idea. As you say, it's easily manageable and it's far easier to start increasing her independence and confidence now, then in a rush next summer when secondary is looming.

Skyejuly · 09/09/2019 10:42

Yep mine walked a mile in year 6 there will be others along the way :-)

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