To think that saying “You know your baby best” ..

[BertrandRussell]

on threads where people are asking advice is hugely irresponsible?

Yes, I found it very unhelpful. I have GAD so when someone says "you'll know if something is wrong" etc I find it so unhelpful. I always think something is wrong! I have to actively fight that part of my brain. Telling me to trust it doesn't work at all!

Yes except very often things haven't stayed the same for 20 years. I remember the last thread where you state this. To be fair you found evidence to back up weaning from 5 or 6 months, but lots and lots of people came on saying how they were told at the time to wean at 12 or 13 weeks, myself included. I remember reading and re reading the documentation from my health visitor saying to wean at 12 weeks and how to do it, with baby rice. I also checked books that I had about weaning, and it confirmed what the health visitor said.. .and the box of baby rice instructions recommended it. So I think perhaps although a main body might have recommended 5 to 6 months, this didn't filter down to health visitors, not in my area anyway. I was also told baby should be in her own cot and co sleeping was frowned on. Also told to make up bottles the night before and heat then up when needed.

That's interesting Babdoc, DS (weaned at 6m, but nothing actually went in his mouth till 7) had weird skin rashes with lots of fruit and veg while weaning, though he's outgrown them all now.

(Don't know what I'll do with DC2 and weaning as I managed to EBF DS to 6m which I'd feel bad if I couldn't do for DC2)

Along with 'we all did it and our babies survived!!!'

TreeSunset I’m mum to a multi-allergy child, and have read what feels like a million different studies into the causes of food allergies, have seen numerous doctors, paediatric allergy specialists, immunologists - even got putselves into a bit of debt in order to see the top paediatric allergy consultant in the country....and not a single one can give a definitive answer as to what actually causes an allergy/the best way or time to introduce foods etc.
I would honestly sell my vital organs in order to be given a definitive answer as to why my DS has spent so much of his life in pain and in and out of hospitals.
He was most definitely born with his life-threatening dairy allergy, because he became symptomatic within 24hrs of his birth, having only ever been exposed to breastmilk (and the dairy proteins passing through me from the dairy in my own diet)

“ To be fair you found evidence to back up weaning from 5 or 6 months,”

Yeah- the evidence being the Red Book given to all new mothers England (UK?) by Health Visitors to record their baby’s development.........

When DS was having his rashes (and had no teeth) the peadiatrician told us to go buy nut butters and hummus asap! Which we did. and almond croissants because almond butter is £5!

@LettuceP I have almost exactly the same scenario. My DD has just been diagnosed with ASD at 3.5 because after she started preschool in January they picked up that she wasn't behaving in a way they would expect for a child her age (various reasons). Not classically, stereotypically 'autistic' though.

I know my DD better than anyone else I have spent almost every single day with her for 3.5 years (I'm a sahm). I didn't know she had autism though. I knew she had a few quirks, and that she found socialising with her peers hard. I thought (because so many arseholes said it) it was because she'd been at home with me and I'd somehow made her feel uncomfortable with groups of children by not mixing her as much as I could have.

Nope, she has ASD. I could've taken her to every single toddler group going and she'd still have it. I didn't spot it, and why would I? She is a 'normal' 3.5 year old to me, because she's all I know! My other child is younger.

OP this sort of tripe is usually spouted by people trying to justify doing something that goes against guidelines or common sense. Usually 'huns' to gather round to chorus 'mum knows best'. Also anti vaxxers seem to utter it frequently.

Mums do know, I believe when something isn't quite right, mostly. But mums do not know everything and do well to listen to medical advice etc.

"follow your gut OP"

Yeah- the evidence being the Red Book given to all new mothers England (UK?) by Health Visitors to record their baby’s development.........

That wasn't in mine. Sorry. GB, but not England.

Depends.

For example my DC2 was dismissed by GP's and HV's despite poor weight gain, vomiting after every feed and generally being a miserable baby. Lo and behold she had CMPA. I knew it wasn't normal and yes in that instance I knew my baby better

• She was diagnose at 11 months after I insisted on allergy testing, due to stinging nettle rash / hives appearing once we began weaning and she was given dairy,

Also...my Mum weaned us when we needed it, she said she trusted her instincts. She said at her time, they were told to not wean for a year and then they were to give baby the yolk of an egg!!!! So advice does change, perhaps not literally evert 5 mins, but it does change over the years. Advice is also different in other countries at different times.

Yanbu.

Also ‘I used to sleep on my front when I was week old and my mum smoked when she was pregnant and I’m fine so you go for it’. Yeah, and I used to run out into the road without looking and I’m fine too, doesn’t mean it was a good idea.

Yes, it’s up there with “ignore all the perfect parents” comment that gets used whenever someone points out something like extended rear facing, weaning, not using cot bumpers etc. Some people genuinely don’t know that they’re doing something wrong and unless someone points it out they’ll never know, if that makes the person pointing it out a perfect parent then so be it.

@thepolishwombat I hope you get some answers some day. I think most allergies are genetic and the fact that the prevalence is higher is due to improving care and children surviving more and adults with the genes surviving. Like coeliacs having a higher percentage in Ireland for the years that their diet was potato based those with coeliac didn’t die out before medical intervention and testing and passed the genes on as they survived old enough to have their own children whereas a wheat based nation would have sadly lost those children in infancy pre NHS type days

TreeSunset Exactly that.
Some of my older family members just can’t seem to get their head around the whole allergy thing and have often said “we didn’t have all these allergies back in my day”.....urrrrmmm I can assure you they did exist, but those babies suffering most likely were diagnosed with either colic or as “failure to thrive” and would have just spent their lives in pain or just died.

Depends on how it is used:

DS was in NICU after birth with breathing issues. Once discharged I noticed his breathing was still very noisy and fast. Took him to GPs a couple of times but he seemed better when he was there, and they told me I was over-sensitive due to NICU etc, and he was fine. I listened to them and ignored my own instincts to the extent that we sat through a night at home when (I now know) he was in severe respiratory distress and could have died. It was only picked up when I went to the GP about my own health and the GP told me to stop talking because my baby (grunting away in pram next to me) was severely ill. Even then, we had quite a few hospital emergency admissions where he seemed better when we got there, and we were given the impression we were over anxious parents. It was only when we thought to take video of his respiratory distress before going to hospital, and showed it on arrival, that the previously dismissive crash team showed up in a panic. Turned out he had a congenital airway deformity and could have died with any cold.

So in the future, I'm going to go by instinct. However my instinct is fairly well developed from first aiding etc, and I tend to err on the side of caution.

I know someone who put her baby in her own room at two weeks. Absolutely the right decision, as she was waking up at every shift and snuffle, was suffering PND and has bipolar, so needed to be as chilled out as possible. I don't judge her at all, my friend being admitted to the mental health ward wouldn't have helped baby at all.

But, following my PP, yes it is used in mad ways sometimes. I certainly follow all advice and guidelines because they are based on the best scientific advice at the time.

Yes - there weren’t many allergies wen I was a child. There were plenty of summer colds and sensitive stomachs, though!

The own room thing I sort of get as there are going to be pros and cons. I get the logic of that recommendation but it doesnt help those families where baby rooming in doesn't work for them.

It upsets me when used as a defence for something that is almost definitely harmful that's being done against advice. I keep seeing tiny babies slumped in upright pushchairs, when they should be laid flat until they're too big for a carrycot. Also babies wearing a million layers on a day like today where here it's grey but warm. I just feel like not doing these things should be common sense but people get defensive and make out they have some special intuition that their baby isn't going to overheat or suffocate.

You know your own child in the sense that you know their usual behaviour pattern and what falls within or outside this.

Unless you are an expert you certainly can’t use this to justify going against the recommendations. I’ve seen many anti-vaxx and homeopathy groups use this mentality to justify their choices.

I had a similar experience to @GruntBaby

I actually think your first post is a tad irresponsible, OP. If you wanted to talk about advice to mothers encouraging them to ignore recommendations then this could have been a bit clearer in your OP. Other than the fairly narrow issues you are concerned about, mothers are in fact very likely to know their baby's behaviours etc well, and good health professionals do recognise this.

It would not make sense for a perfectly sensible intelligent woman who is listened to in her career and in her life generally to suddenly not being listened to about her child's symptoms because she is mere mother, or for that woman to be accused of feeble mindedness or anxiety or Munchhausen by Proxy or similar.