To even consider leaving 12yr old ds late at night

[theduchessstill]

I have been placed in a shit situation by ex (again). He agreed months ago that he would have ds1 overnight while I take other dc to a concert. We're not away overnight, but will be back v. late - about midnight I think.

Now ex announces he will be out of the country for it - he forgot apparently. The concert is a biiig one - the tickets are ds2's birthday present and it cost over £200. He's been waiting for it for the best part of a year.

My parents are away and I have no one to help out. No extended family or close friends near enough to help out. It's on a Sunday, so not a good time for sleepovers and I don't really know any of ds's friends' parents to even be in a position to ask for such a favour.

He initially said he'd be fine at home but I insisted he find out from ex whether ex mil would be available. She lives in the vague direction of the concert so I could drop him off there and pick him up v late on the way back - not ideal but ok. However, ex is not answering the phone tonight and she does travel a lot so may not be around.

If she's not around, wtf do I do? Could fucking murder ex, but that wouldn't even help...

Can't you phone MIL? To be honest, I would leave him...only because I have DC of similar age and know that if I were in this difficult position, I would NO way let a shitty ex ruin DC birthday gift.

At 12, a few hours won't be awful...it's only because it's night time that it feels different.

I recently had cause to look up the laws about this sort of thing and they're very grey.

There's no actual age....the guidance is that you don't put DC at risk by leaving them....and that they're not left overnight till' 16 plus.

But this isn't overnight and your DC sounds sensible.

I know you say you don't know any of his friends' parents, but could he perhaps ask his mates?

My older DD has had her mates ask her directly a couple of times when they needed somewhere to stay...but girls might be different.

If push comes to shove, I would leave him with a phone and strict instructions not to answer door or cook.

Babysitter?

I think it's fine to leave a sensible 12-year-old until midnight, personally. I'd get whatever food in for him that he considers a treat and leave him to it. It's only a few hours and although it's late, it's not actually overnight.

I think its at your own discretion whether you leave your kids at home or not. Probably not overnight at 12.

At that age I was home alone cooking my own dinner.

You know your dc.

I'd leave him if he's happy with the idea.

If he's sensible, I think that's okay

Both of mine would’ve been ok with this at 12. Thinking back, I too would have been fine until midnight at 12 - that was pre mobile phones too!

Could both kids go to the concert and you wait outside? Bit miserable for you but a possible solution?

Unlikely simkin, often the rules are now somebody 16+ must accompany. I'd leave him you're not away overnight and presumably at 12 he wont be inviting anyone in/having parties/cooking at that time. There are risks but it's unlikely anything will happen in the big scheme of things, I was left alone long before 12.

I'd leave him if really necessary nothing will happen, I'd be concerned if he was frightened at home alone, has he a school pal you can contact their parents through messenger you won't need their number. I would be happy to help in this situation.
If there is no one give him loads of food he'll be happy.
Your ex is a selfish dick for letting you down.

12 should be fine unless he is unruly/silly

If he’s happy to be left no problem. Otherwise I’d book a babysitter. Sitters.com if you don’t have one to hand.

Wow, I thought I'd get flamed for even considering it!

Can't send him to the concert - as pp said minors can't be unaccompanied and,tbh,it's a noisy, hectic environment that I wouldn't be comfortable putting them into alone.

He's very sensible and i do think he'd be fine - my main worry is what would happen if I had a car accident on the way home, but it's unlikely i guess. I'll see what ex says in the morning and go from there.

If he’s responsible I would leave him. As a PP suggested, I’d buy him treats he enjoys and arrange a movie he enjoys. I’d also leave strict instructions not to cook or answer the door.

Well I wouldn;t tell the ex. What if he says no? He's the cause of the issue!

If DS thinks he'll be fine and you do too then I'd leave him. Do you have a neighbour that might pop by at say 10pm just to check he's alright? If not perhaps just phone him half way through to touch base.

Get exMIL’s number and contact her yourself. Ex won’t remember!

I think, though, that a 12 yo will be OK, especially if you don’t build it up as a big deal and therefore potentially scary.

Is he not still mates with any primary school friends whose parents you know?

You could book an agency sitter.

King your ex sounds like mine- he does this sort of thing all the time. I've had to leave my older child alone as a result too. It's a horrible position to be out in. Can you have a quick chat with a neighbour and explain that he's old enough to be left but can he pop in the them if anything goes wrong? I personally would try and take him to the MIL's however. Poor you. Your ex is a twunt.