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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’ve had enough !

15 replies

Oskbob · 08/09/2019 21:14

Hi,
I work full time mainly from home ( sometimes need to be out of the house for meetings etc so not regular times)
My husband doesn’t work and provides no income . He spends all day on his laptop looking into trading deals. ( can’t afford to invest anything though .. says it’s research ) . So I am responsible for all the bills etc . We have an adult disabled daughter who is at college 3 days . I am up at the crack of dawn walking the dog, then get daughter up and ready and start work . He gets up about 8 to see her onto her transport and usually goes back to bed . On the days she’s not at college he gets up about 10 . I have a stressful job and work way overthe hours I should and often catch up at weekends . I also walk the dog in the evening . ( I wanted the dog so that’s the excuse I get about him not doing it ) he uses the fact our daughter is home some days as a reason he can’t get a full time job as she also gets long holidays and is often off sick . I suggested night shift but he wasn’t up for that as says because I work at home he wouldn’t sleep. All he does round the house is cook for himself and daughter ( I do my own as we eat different things ) occasionally do the dishwasher and sometimes the dishwasher and washing . I feel like I do everything .. he doesn’t notice dust, dirty toilets etc .
I am getting really annoyed just typing this . I am permenantely exhausted . He is overweight, drinks everyday and complains of various health problems . We are going on holiday at Christmas ( he just presumes it will will be paid by me and go on my credit card)
Really really peed off and trying to put on a happy face to everyone else is getting me down.

OP posts:
Cheeserton · 08/09/2019 21:21

What a useless waste of space. How long has this nonsense been going on for?

Gin96 · 08/09/2019 21:24

What do you get from the relationship? If your answer is 0 then why do you stay?

JollyRocker · 08/09/2019 21:25

This doesn’t sound good - YANBU.

He can get a day job or a night shift. If you work from home then would you be able to supervise your daughter if she needs it, when you’re at home? And if he worked nights then couldn’t he sleep during the day while you work at home or is your work that noisy?!

He sounds like a waste of space. What exactly does he bring to the table... doesn’t sound like he does anything of any use apart from a bit of cooking. That’s not enough. I would give him a serious ultimatum. He needs to man up or get out.

Please do not pay for a holiday for him!

madcatladyforever · 08/09/2019 21:25

Why are you allowing a disgusting cocklodger to live in your house?
He needs a good old divorce threat and a guarantee that the next letter he receives will be from your solicitor if he doesn't pull his socks up.
Personally I'd tell him to sling his hook, he is not giving you good value for money.

Sparklesocks · 08/09/2019 21:29

Something has to give, you can’t keep living like this and keeping everything afloat yourself. He needs to start contributing - financially, and around the home. You need to have a proper talk with him about his role in the family, this can’t continue.

Runoutofgas · 08/09/2019 21:32

I'm not surprised you've had enough! Has he ever had a job?
He doesn't have a good enough reason not to work in my opinion.

Lemoneeza · 08/09/2019 21:35

yanbu. time to attend to your dh problem one way or another.

Feduppeedoff · 08/09/2019 21:41

He used to work when the kids were younger . I did all the getting them ready , school runs , housework, shopping cooking and all the kids clubs and activities . He then went self employed from home but didn’t make any money which is why I applied for a job .

Elieza · 08/09/2019 21:55

Time to dish out the ultimatum. Get a job or get the hell out. Lazy arsed shit.
If he wants to be a house husband and you are ok with that, that’s ok, plenty people do it. But the job of a housewife or househusband is to work 8 hours a day the same as you do only he’s scrubbing and polishing and cooking and dealing with kids and ironing and everything. Not sitting on his arse looking at irrelevant stuff on websites. Good luck.

SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 08/09/2019 22:19

I am angry for you. This is no way to live

Steerpike902 · 08/09/2019 22:38

I'd be furious OP. I'd give him a chance though. Say you need help with some stuff around the house and just give him a list, tell him you're overwhelmed with work and housework and you just really need some help. If that doesn't work speak to a lawyer about divorce BEFORE you tell him, even if you decide against it at least you know where you legally stand.

Juog · 09/09/2019 12:48

My friend had a husband exactly the same, and she had a disabled son to care for,she was scared to go it alone but she did,and everything had turned out fine,after there divorce he took up (sponged off) another woman but she soon got rid of him, and he had the cheek to ask my friend to have him back ,she laughed in his face,by all means give him a chance but don't put up with his behaviour if he doesn't change, you deserve better.

WhatsMyPassword · 09/09/2019 12:50

@Feduppeedoff - name change fail

AlwaysCheddar · 09/09/2019 13:08

Tell him he finds s job it gets out. Simple.

NotStayingIn · 09/09/2019 13:18

Enjoy your holiday at Christmas - without him. If he can't pay half, he can stay at home.

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