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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's all over for me and have no clue how to move on or even start to feel ok about any of this?

3 replies

Crapster · 08/09/2019 17:58

Partner of 12 years finished with me at the start of the year. We still live together for complicated reasons but it is the only viable option atm and things were amicable enough that I thought it would be ok. We have 3 DC, the youngest is 6 and autistic.

It now transpires that far from what he told me originally ("I need to sort my head out, it's not about anyone else, I want to keep the kids family together, you're still my best friend" etc etc) he was chasing after someone from his past as soon as we split, and when that didn't work out started internet dating and is now seeing someone else. This only came to light last week - until then I'd actually thought things were improving and a reconciliation might be possible.

My head is in tatters, I feel completely lost and distraught most of the time, I've hardly been able to eat or sleep since I found this all out and have no idea how I will ever get over this. I don't know how I can start again, my life feels like it's over and I'm only 37 FFS. When he goes out to spend time with whoever he is shagging I actually feel sick, at the thought of him with someone else and then having him in the house with me afterwards. I can't cope with my own thoughts and I can hardly stop crying.

I'd leave, but I genuinely cannot afford to stay in this area and with a child who needs significant extra support in school and at home it's not possible for me to go further away. I assume sooner or later he will decide to leave but then I don't know how I can afford to stay here on my own without his income. It just all feels so hopeless ATM.

OP posts:
notsodimwit · 08/09/2019 18:08

Poor youSad just a handhold untill someone comes on to give you good advice Flowers

Hannah021 · 08/09/2019 18:11

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through, I'm 34, not far from your age, and I feel it is important to stress that you have a long life ahead of you (think another 30yrs), and you must keep it rolling... it never started with him, you had a happy life before you met him, and should never seem like it ended on him.

You do need to shift your attention from him, if you don't have your own room, make that arrangement, and it's fine for your children to understand that you two are no longer together but still living in the same house (it is important that he continues to pick up his responsibilities towards all of your kids... it would be his dream to see you leave with them and live his single life again... but sorry he has kids that he needs to baby sit while you go and meet whomever you wish!).

I know it is far easier said than done... but if you reflect on your life and find that you have no hubbies, and no friends outside his circle, and no other interest to shift your attention away from him, then review your options again.

BarbariansMum · 08/09/2019 18:43

Is the plan that you will be the resident parent for all 3 children when you do actually split properly? Is that what you want? Or would 50:50 work?

Are you working?

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