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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sense check

22 replies

Cheeseandapple · 08/09/2019 14:44

Came down with v&d yesterday evening after day out with DH and DD15 mths. They're both fine.

DH got up with DD in the night and slept in her room. Got up with her his morning and has been looking after her all today as I've not been 100%.

A few hours after being upstairs by myself, I called down and asked him to come up, just for some company. DD jumped on me for a cuddle and I immediately felt like I was about to vomit. Asked DH to take her out and was sick almost while I said it. He complained that I'd only just asked him to come up but went next door.

When I had stopped I asked him to come back. He came back and sat on his laptop. DD sat with me for a bit and then toddled off. Started crying next door. DH made no move to go check on her so I said can you get her/make sure she's ok.

He brought her back in and handed her to me. I could tell she was hungry (when I asked if she'd had lunch earlier he said he'd given her a tangerine). I said she really needs something for lunch.

He got really grumpy and said he'll take her out to get something. There's a bit of food in but nothing to grab, pasta, bread etc.

I asked him why he was being so grumpy with me and he said all I'd done was move him around the house and he'd been looking after DD all night and all today (he has but I've got D&V!)

I'm also 25 weeks pregnant and SAHM for the time being so do all child care as default, although DH is very involved and active. (although not very proactive).

WIBU to ask him to come up to say hello after a few hours of solitude, ask him to take DD out of the room while I vomitted, ask him to check she was alright when she was not in sight and crying and then ask him to feed her lunch?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheeseandapple · 08/09/2019 14:46

Realise I haven't described his grumpiness but throughout all the above he was generally very grumpy in all his interactions with me.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 08/09/2019 14:52

Is he generally selfish and mean. The only thing I guess is that he hasn't had lunch either, or slept well. And it's making him a temporary arsehole?

Seeline · 08/09/2019 14:59

I wouldn't have had either of them near me whilst still vomitting - anything to reduce the possibility of them catching it too.

I would have left DH just to get on with things.

annoyingelf · 08/09/2019 15:15

Sounds like he can't win to be honest. He took her down, brought her up, took her out, brought her in, took her out 🤷🏽‍♀️

All on very little sleep and being asked (and agreeing) to sit in a room that stinks of sick.

Just rest up, leave them to it and grab a book to alleviate the boredom

dontlikebeards · 08/09/2019 15:33

YABU to ask him to keep you company. I would stay well away from everyone so you don't pass the d&v on to them.

SignedUpJust4This · 08/09/2019 15:35

Y the hell do u want to make him sit next to u sick person? Yabu

Timandra · 08/09/2019 16:02

If he doesn't want to risk catching it, he could say that with a pleasant tone of voice.

It sound like he's pissed off because he's had to have her all night and all day and is tired. Most of us manage to do that and still be pleasant to everyone around us.

Does he usually expect you to take primary responsibility for your DD and allow him to step in as much as it suits him?

StockTakeFucks · 08/09/2019 16:32

You're poorly,he's tired.
You need company and reassurance he's probably thinking "I fucking hope she's not giving it to me".
You know DD's needs and routine better than him and he doesn't,and suddenly he's had to do everything, while if not exactly easy, it's definitely secondary nature to you. His fault really for not being more involved.

Once you get through this you need to talk to him. You shouldn't be the default parent. If you're out of commission he's not doing you some kind of favour for looking after his own kid. So ideally he'd spend a lot more time with her,especially 1 to 1, so next time this happens he's not so overwhelmed.

Oh and keep your germs to yourself if possible.

DontForgetToDeadhead · 08/09/2019 16:37

You're sick, he's tired, you're both grumpy. You're probably both being a bit unreasonable tbh.

dollydaydream114 · 08/09/2019 16:40

YABVU to expect someone to come and ‘keep you company’ when you have a sickness bug, especially when they have no option but to bring a toddler into the room with them. You’re just increasing the likelihood of them being ill and asking someone to sit in a room with you when you might throw up at any minute is just gross.

Yes, he should be capable of looking after your child and getting her lunch etc but I would be irritated if someone was ordering me around from their sickbed, calling me up to sit with them and then sending me off again.

steff13 · 08/09/2019 16:46

YABU and selfish for expecting him to keep you company when you're sick and possibly contagious.

Sunshine93 · 08/09/2019 16:46

I think yabu to ask for company. Being ill is shit but if you can't cope without company for one day there is a problem. It's going to have increased their chances of catching it which is a bit selfish. You were nearly sick on your child when this could have been avoided. Sorry but that's unreasonable.

Original poster
Cheeseandapple · 08/09/2019 17:00

Thanks for replies.

None of us have had D&V before. I'd didn't realise it was so contagious so fair point about asking for company.

OP posts:
Hederex · 08/09/2019 18:40

Depending on the time, it was probably unreasonable of him not to have sorted lunch, but it does sound a bit like he was being bossed around and, to compound it, couldn't do right for doing wrong.

Mumtotwo82 · 09/09/2019 09:53

I would try keep away from them as d&v (unless food poison) related is very contagious.

BuildBuildings · 09/09/2019 09:57

I'm amazed you've never had d&v before! But that explains the contact as I'd be keeping them away. As you're ill and pregnant he should be looking after your child and where possible you too. So yanbu

22Giraffes · 09/09/2019 10:13

You didn't realise d&v was contagious? Confused I imagine your dp was trying to be sensible and stay away, sounds like he couldn't do right for doing wrong! You're sick and he's running around sorting everything, you both have reason to be feeling a bit grumpy. Let it go!

SistersOfMerci · 09/09/2019 10:19

Why on earth would you want to risk them getting your bug as well.

They should stay downstairs and use separate bathrooms to you and you should attempt to be a grown up and learn that being lonely for a couple of days isn't the end of the world.

Timandra · 09/09/2019 11:29

Just so you're aware, D&V can be spread via droplets in the air so just being in a room where someone has vomitted can be enough even if you don't touch the same things.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 09/09/2019 11:44

You're both being unreasonable. You for asking your toddler and husband to come and sit with you while you're still ill (and you are contagious after the last episode of D or V) - apart from the spreading it around, it's not going to be fun for the toddler and it's hardly like you were without company for days. And him for not realising that a toddler needs more than a tangerine for lunch, how can an 'involved father' not realise this!?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 09/09/2019 11:45

That should say 48 hours after the last episode

UndomesticHousewife · 09/09/2019 12:20

I would also be quite grumpy if dh had told me to sit with him upstairs to keep him company when I was looking after a toddler then he proceeded to tell me to get out, come in feed baby...

Also I'd refuse to bring the toddler into the room to sit with someone with D&V and also refuse to sit next to them myself!

Just lie there and get better and let your dh get on with what he's doing.

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