Have a big decision to make and I’m struggling to know the right thing to do. Seeking input and advice from the wonderful mnet community.
Background - I am a Kiwi by birth however moved to Australia as a young child. I am an Australian citizen however I also have a British passport. I have no family left except an Aunt and cousin in Australia. I moved to England in 2005 and met my husband. We’ve been happily married since 2008. We have one child, our son Charlie who is nearly four.
Anyone who has lived in other countries may understand the next part. Despite being pretty happy in your “chosen” country, after a while you might start thinking about what it would be like to move back to your “homeland”. My homeland, despite me being a Kiwi, is Australia. I have no family or friends or any connections in New Zealand.
We took the plunge and moved over to Australia three years ago. Despite really enjoying seeing old friends again (and my lovely aunt and cousin) I feel really unsettled. Australia has a lot to offer but I just miss being in England. I miss the historical buildings, the sense of humour, even the weather! Plus many more things. I felt more ‘me’ back in England, something I find hard to put into words. Things just work for me there. I do love visiting Australia whilst on holiday, but I know in my heart of hearts it’s not “home” for me. We’ve been in Australia for over three years. I am glad we tried it, albeit at a large financial cost.
My English hubby does enjoy it here (cycling and surfing..he’s now even obsessed with rollerblading!). He has said he would like to stay here but he would be open to moving back if I really really wanted to. He has quite a large extended family but they are spread throughout the UK and America and they never had much to do with us. From his immediate family he only has his mother left who is 80. She is in really good health, sharp as a tack and happily lives with her younger step-sister who is mid 60’s.
Sorry this is long, just thought I’d set the scene. I got a job before we landed and have been employed the whole time (medical secretary) however despite being really qualified and experienced, my husband has been in and out of contract jobs. He has kept in contact with his old boss and they have said it would be highly likely he would be re-employed by them if there was a vacancy if we went back. No guarantees of course. He and I were always employed in England (except when I was on mat leave to look after Charlie).
I know I’m rambling, apologies.
A friend suggested I ‘compare’ the two countries. I’ve tried however it seems to just come out fairly level with one country ahead in some areas and the other country ahead in other aspects. They’re both first world countries after all and both have a lot to offer. I feel in my heart I wish to go back but I’m trying to lead with my head. Four things that are on my mind from a FAMILY point of view are:-
- the fast easy access to doctors/referrals/results out here in Australia. It's literaly a case of choosing whichever doctor surgery you want and can use an app on your to phone to, (8 times out of 10) book a doctor the next day. If necessary you can be referred very quickly (despite not being an urgent case) and have results 48 hours after that. All bulk billed (free if you have a medicare card).
- from an education point of view the schools around where we live look brighter/well maintained and it’s clear there has been quite a bit of money spend on sporting venues, kids clubs, music programs and activities etc.. I can only compare here with the small amount of schools I have seen in England - I know there are vast differences from school to school and there will be many in England that are awesome. We would only be looking for state/government schools. I have heard from a few parent expats they think the standard of education is much higher in the UK however. Separately, it’s hard to put into words, however kids seem stay ‘kids’ longer here in Australia.
- Salaries (for our chosen careers) are much higher in Australia. It is quite expensive but like for like (when we’re both working) we have more disposable here. Savings add up much faster.
- We all have very pale skin. Charlie and my DH have red hair and very pale freckly skin. I love the heat and sun in Australia and as a child/teen I stupidly burnt a lot. I worry about the extreme UV here for Charlie and Rob. I find the climate in England perfect, even in winter! The parks and greenspaces here in Australia are fabulous and it's lovely to see so many family and friend get-togethers out and about.
How on earth do I make this decision. I personally would love to move back to England. But how do I know it is the right thing to do for us as a family? What if I make the wrong decision and we end up barely scraping by. My husband says he hates the long damp dark cold UK winters and would stay here forever. He prefers Australia to England however he has said the decision is up to me. He's a really positive guy (he's happy as long as we’re all together) and I'm really grateful for his understanding. I must think with my head not my heart and what is best for us as a family or I would be booking flights today.
There’s no real pressure but my older friends, my aunt and cousin have said they would LOVE us to stay. Charlie has really taken to my gorgeous Aunt and cousin and they to him. We all do really love being around my Aunt and cousin. However, I am really conscious of Rob’s mum being 80 and, despite no guilt trips/pressure from her, I know she would dearly love Charlie and Rob to be near. Rob is her only child and Charlie is her only grandchild. She is Charlie's only grandparent. I also think we should be nearby to help out if she needed it (she doesn’t at the moment).
I have had someone say you may go back and never settle/always be wondering. However, I really don’t feel that will happen and financially it’s just not possible. We spent a lot of money moving here and due to DH being in and out of work we won’t be going back with much savings. We are 41 and 38 and don’t have property so really need to settle and put down roots ASAP after making the decision. We want to own a house and very conscious that we’re not Spring chickens.
I am trying to think what is best for us as a family and just can’t make a decision. The decision must be “right”. I really fear making the wrong choice. My heart says go back to England but my head says ‘think hard about this/do what is best for your family, not just what you personally want’. Rob really enjoys it here and I want what is best for him too and for him to be really happy. He, in his own words, loves being separated from the BREXIT madness.
I’m so very grateful to have the opportunity to move between countries. Very sorry for the long-winded post. I know the decision is ours but would love to hear your thoughts / insights about how I go about making the right decision.