AIBU and WWYD

[uptheapplesandpearss]

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3678257-to-not-want-my-nieces-around-my-baby

Before replying to this thread I think first it's important you read the back story to fully understand what's going on.

To sum it up, nieces are 6, 5 and 3 and have both intentionally and unintentionally hurt DD, have poor hygiene and then touch DD face, dummy etc. and the behaviour isn't corrected (but excused) by their parents, their nan (MIL) or DP (who has also said he's very uncomfortable with how they act around DD). I've tried to no avail to change their behaviour so I'm comfortable with them around DD but they point blank refuse.

I'm going out for a friends birthday this month, DP doesn't want to spend the night alone, so wants to go to his DMs, fine... except SIL and DNs will be there too. I won't be there to ensure (or at least try to ensure) DD isn't hurt by them. It's really stressing me out tbh, I don't trust DP to prevent any harm coming to her around them as like I said, he doesn't speak up (which I've established is down to MIL and SIL being very VERY defensive over any comment made about their children, even though we have approached it nicely and not been rude whatsoever).

So, AIBU unreasonable to not want DP to go? Wwyd in my situation? Please read previous thread before commenting!! 😩

DD is almost 4 months btw!

Just wondering why your DP doesn't want to spend one night alone parenting your child? I think if he is not going to respect your wishes by going to MILs and also won't back you up you might need to think of an alternative care provider. Are you going to be away overnight or just for the evening?

For one night your partner can't be alone?

Your dp doesn't seem like he takes this seriously
He should be able to parent alone for one night

Your dp doesn't want company he just doesn't want to parent and is calling to the in laws so someone else can do the parenting for him. Him standing up for his child will mean that won't happen. You have bigger issues than the nieces

Just tell him that just this once he has to stay home,is he doing this because he doesn't want you to go out and he thinks you will back down and stay in ? Tell him how it will ruin your night to be constantly worrying, and how much your stressing about it, if I were you I would make sure I didn't see them so much.

I've tried to tell him I'd rather he stay home because I'd just constantly be worrying, he just got offended.

I wouldn't be gone all night, just until 11pm but he would stay at his parents over night

I don't understand why he can't stay on his own until 11pm. Is he frightened of something?

Well, the first thing I would do in your position is ask DH why he, a grown bloody man, can't be in the house until 11pm with his own child for one single evening. What on earth is wrong with him? There are two other threads at the moment where numerous people are pointing out that they would leave their 12-year-olds alone for longer than that.

Your DP sounds terrified of your MIL and SIL on the one hand and desperate to be around them on the other. The whole situation is weird to be honest. He needs to get a bloody backbone and put his own daughter first.

FWIW, when I started reading your other thread I thought you might be overreacting a bit to your nieces but then the more I read the more I could completely see where you were coming from. It's not just that they're clumsy and boisterous, is it - they're also rude and unpleasant to you in your house, with the oldest one (who is six, right, so not a toddler) screaming 'go away' at you in your own house when you ask her to wash her hands after she's had a shit. I wouldn't trust them near a small baby either.)

Your partner knows full well what your issue is, and he needs to back you up on this. Trying to sneak the baby off to see them all on the one evening you're not there is a low move.

I don’t trust DP’s mum with DD she’s rough and hasn’t held her properly since birth (no head support and then sitting her at the edge of her knee without holding her back when she was only 4 months)
I found the only thing I could say was I’m not comfortable with him taking DD to his DM’s without me. I don’t trust him to speak up as “he and his brother are fine”. He was offended but hasn’t once asked to do it again, last time was 5 months ago.

Basically be blunt, it works!

Good lord, I also don't understand why he needs to go his mother's AND then stay over too??
Not sure if I missed it somewhere but could you ask a close friend or your parents to babysit for you - and tell "DH" he can do what he likes but baby stays home?
Not an easy one at all, good luck op x

He needs to grow up and put your child before himself. He seriously can’t be alone until 11 with his baby and would rather hand her over to boisterous children and incompetent adults? No. That’s just not on and you wouldn’t even be able to enjoy your night away for worrying. Just tell him it’s not an option and he needs to stop being selfish and lazy and just generally useless!

Is the issue here not whether or not your DH wants company (I think people are being a bit harsh with him here - it's generally (a) nice to have some company, (b) a bit easier to keep kids entertained and (c) nice for kids to see family) but rather you do not trust him to stand up for your daughter ?
Have you cut contact with SIL/the children or do you still go but trust yourself to supervise closely in the circumstances ?
Why does your DH say he's offended ? Does he say he'll intervene when necessary if he visits from now on or is he claiming you are overreacting ? To be fair I'd be quite offended if my DH didn't trust me with my own child...

Your dh needs to man up and be a parent. He should stay home , not run to his mums like a kid.