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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you send him to nursery

24 replies

Louigoo · 08/09/2019 11:12

Just looking for a bit advice as I’m stuck on what to do. If you’re having breakfast I’d warn you...I’m talking shit...literal.
My 3 year old ended up in hospital for the day as he was severely constipated to the point it was coming from his mouth.
He has just started on movicol currently on 6 aday (needs to go up to 8)and dulcolax once a day.
It’s already coming away from him to the point where everytime he’s going he needs to be bathed. I’ve spoken to the nursery and they have said they want him to go in still and it isn’t a good enough reason to keep him off and I’m just overthinking.

Obviously I’m worried as he’s still in pull-ups and I don’t want him feeling uncomfortable especially when he is losing control already and as he’s going to be on a large dose for the next couple of weeks.
Aibu to think that the nursery should let me keep him at home where I can clean/look after him properly or would you send him?

OP posts:

littledrummergirl · 08/09/2019 11:15

Keep him home until you feel he is well enough to return.

WombatStewForTea · 08/09/2019 11:17

Nursery can't force you to take him in. Do what you think is best

Doyoumind · 08/09/2019 11:18

It's not up to nursery anyway. Do what you feel happy with.

Sparrowlegs248 · 08/09/2019 11:18

It's up to you whether he goes in, not nursery. Do what you think is best.

Dirtyjellycat · 08/09/2019 11:18

No. You are the parent here and only you should decide what is best for your child. It is totally inappropriate for nursery to tell you what to do.

Thehop · 08/09/2019 11:21

I was expecting this to be the other way round! I work in a nursery and can’t understand their issue in theory. If he’s private, then it’s your choice....if he’s in receipt of early years funding then they’re under a lot of pressure to get him in for his hours and you’re highly likely to get a bill for his missed hours from your council.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 08/09/2019 11:22

Keep him off. Nursery have no business insisting he goes in. I wouldn't send a child of compulsory school-age in your situation, let alone a 3 year old.

IsobelRae23 · 08/09/2019 11:22

Why are you letting nursery decide? You are the parent, you make the decision for your child.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 08/09/2019 11:22

Nursery can't force you to send in an unwell child - do they know the extent of what he's been through/going through? I'd be blunt with them and say now "he won't be back until I think he's ready - it could be a couple more weeks and I'll keep you informed". It's not obligatory for him to attend and there's no onus on you to please them or jump through hoops.

justilou1 · 08/09/2019 11:23

Hell no! Poor kid has been through enough!!!

user1493413286 · 08/09/2019 11:24

Why does it matter what nursery think? He’s not statutory school age, do what you want.
Is there more to this? Most nurseries would accept any reason for a child to be off.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 08/09/2019 11:24

Can you bill you for missed hours?

I get their point that it is not ideal to miss a few weeks of nursery but they can’t make you send him in. If you are able to keep him at home then I would.

Somebodystired · 08/09/2019 11:25

if he’s in receipt of early years funding then they’re under a lot of pressure to get him in for his hours and you’re highly likely to get a bill for his missed hours from your council

Surely this doesn't actually happen?

My LA paid my childminder funding for an entire term, a week into the term she got very poorly and we had to find another setting for DS within a couple of weeks. We moved him to a nursery who were able to get his funding from the LA, and poor childminder was chasing the LA for ages for how to "pay back" what she had been paid for him and they never did anything about it. So they paid out for him twice and didn't care that she was trying to pay it back.

I cant imagine they would bill for missed time?

Original poster

Louigoo · 08/09/2019 11:26

How can I be billed if I keep him at home?

OP posts:

Sparrowlegs248 · 08/09/2019 11:26

You'll still need to pay for his sessions.

Sparrowlegs248 · 08/09/2019 11:27

If you normally have to pay I mean. Phone them each time he's due in and tell them he's not well enough.

aliceneedswine · 08/09/2019 11:32

Am I missing something here? How can a nursery insist that a child attends unless they have a good enough reason not to? We pay fo DD and I understand that they bill you even if the child is sick. That's part of the agreement to keep the place. Do they understand the full extent of his problem and the fact that he has to be bathed every time he goes to the toilet? Are they going to give him multiple baths whilst he is there? Completely unreasonable and unfair to expect a child to attend like this if it's just for their figures and money!

Original poster

Louigoo · 08/09/2019 11:36

No you’re not missing anything.
I would rather him stay with me, I want him at home where I can look after him. When I went into speak to the head teacher she seemed to think I was being unreasonable by wanting him to stay at home, told me I was overthinking the situation and that the best place for him was at nursery as he had already missed quite a bit of nursery before summer with another ongoing issue.

OP posts:

Rachelover60 · 08/09/2019 11:49

I think you should keep him at home, Louigoo. Poor little love, he's going through so much - as are you - at this time. So what if he misses things going on at nursery, he's only three.

Wishing him well.

danmthatonestakentryanotheer · 08/09/2019 11:50

the best place for him was at nursery

No the best place for him is at home until he's better. I would use the time to look for another nursery if possible the headteacher at his current one does not sound very understanding. I would point out to her that unless she is prepared to spend most of her time changing and cleaning your DC her insistence that he attends is not only unfair to him but to everyone else around him.

BlueEyedBengal · 08/09/2019 12:05

My son has had this but they called it compactment with overflowing it started at the age of 2 and he's now 11 and has been in and out of hospital for clear outs. He still on movacol as it's been ongoing as his bowel has been left weak and stretched. When it comes it will be like you wouldn't believe so no nursery until he is back to normal for at least a day. The nursery has no right to demand he goes in as he's under 5 yrs and medical treatment must take president. I have found a load of schools don't take how difficult a situation this is and just think he will go and that's it the trouble is it builds up and then is too big to pass and needs medication to clear the blockage. Just keep him home so that it's easily dealt with. If the nursery play up get your health visitor to educate them like I had to do. Hopefully this will be a short term problem for him .

Original poster

Louigoo · 08/09/2019 15:37

@BlueEyedBengal that’s pretty much what they have said about my son. How did you know the blockage was gone?

And thankyou everyone for your replies. Il be contacting the nursery tomorrow.

OP posts:

MotherofDinosaurs · 08/09/2019 17:39

Hes 3! Not doing his GCSEs! It doesn't matter at all if he misses nursery. He isn't compulsory school age and it is not for them to instruct you. I'm gobsmacked they would even try to advise this. Also you will not be billed for missed funded hours, that's bullshit. You keep him at home. And I hope the poor little thing feels better soon.

BlueEyedBengal · 09/09/2019 17:44

You know it's gone when there's a extreme amount that is passed and if then there's no accident for a day or two normal toilet habits can return. This as I have found and as told is a thing that can go on for some time.. movacol will probably be needed for some time as a buildup doesn't happen again. Make sure the nursery or school doesn't confuse this with just constipation as this need handling different I had to get the health visitor into school to advise before it was taken more seriously as clear outs need to be done in hospital or at home not at school where others can see accidents occur not easy but hopefully for you it will be a short term problem.

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