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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lg 1st birthday gift from her dad

23 replies

Mum2girl2015 · 08/09/2019 10:22

Me and my LG’s dad are not together but he’s asked me for ideas of gifts to get her for her 1st birthday .... I’ve given him the idea of shape sorters and such toys that will help progress her development.
Today I have found the perfect toy/gift it’s an activity cube for £60. I can happily buy this for her myself but thought he could buy it as he was asking for ideas. However he got back to me saying we could go part so 40/20 so it would be essentially be from both of us.
This doesn’t sit well with me as I’ve stated we are not together should joint presents even be allowed or AIBU and just agree to this even though I can go out and just pay the full price myself?

OP posts:

MildThing · 08/09/2019 10:24

You can do it any way you want to.

Maybe he found a suggestion if £60 a bit high?

Tell him you already have your gift sorted and send him some cheaper alternative ideas.

Jennifer2r · 08/09/2019 10:24

If it doesn't sit well with you don't do it. Is he not capable of going to an early learning centre and asking? I don't have children and still manage to buy age appropriate gifts by going to the shop and asking the assistants.

Coulddowithanap · 08/09/2019 10:28

I don't see the problem with splitting the cost of a birthday present. As it bothers you then why not just give him a cheaper idea if he can't afford £60.

minesasaugagesupper · 08/09/2019 10:30

You are her parents, together. Joint presents are fine. Take this from a late 40's child of a so called 'broken home' whose parents managed to not fuck her up too much :)

newnamewhosthis · 08/09/2019 10:31

My partner and his ex went half for things like this.

It works out the fairest way and stopped DSS essentially having 2 separate b/days and xmas's. And once he was older it meant he could get better/larger gifts as 2 people were contributing.

However this would only work if you were amicable and both parents had control over the spend.

Naillig222 · 08/09/2019 10:33

My ex and I always go halves with presents. You'll be glad of it in a few years when she's looking for a Nintendo switch or something equally expensive.
We do the same at Xmas. We go halves on santa. I suppose it does depend on your relationship with your ex though.

Thehop · 08/09/2019 10:33

Me and my ex husband get my boys big gifts from us both like bikes and things. We’re still their parents even though we’re not together, and makes life so much easier.

Cheeserton · 08/09/2019 10:34

LG?

Original poster

Mum2girl2015 · 08/09/2019 10:39

thank you for the replies especially the ladies saying about the bigger gifts as she gets older and sharing the cost .... my first borns dad lg4 doesn’t get her anything so should be grateful

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 08/09/2019 10:44

Surely you can work out that LG means 'little girl'?

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 08/09/2019 10:53

No I don’t think you should share presents and I think it’s stingy and also thoughtless of him. If you start this now then it will only continue and basically your daughter will get one present from the two of you, which you choose every year.

Naillig222 · 08/09/2019 10:58

Your first borns dad sounds awful but they're not all like that.
I've also found that going halves on presents made him more open to going halves on other unexpected extras over the years even though he pays maintenance.

Ponoka7 · 08/09/2019 10:59

She's one. She won't know or care.

In future years the present buying will be child led.

So just let it go for now.

Naillig222 · 08/09/2019 11:00

Icantthinkofanynewnames how is it stingey to only get one present from both parents? Isn't that what most kids who have parents who are still together get?

ArnoldBee · 08/09/2019 11:02

I wouldn't spend £60 on z present for a first birthday....

NWQM · 08/09/2019 11:09

Where will the gift live? Personally I'd leave him to it and let anything he buys stay at his. She needs toys at both presumably. He is just being lazy and a bit controlling

Cheeserton · 08/09/2019 11:11

Surely you can work out that LG means 'little girl

Oh right. No clearly I didn't, hence the question (surely you could work that out...). You'll be aware there's a mass of shorthand on here and DD is far more common for this.

dollydaydream114 · 08/09/2019 11:15

Your child is one year old and doesn’t even understand what a birthday is, so she’s certainly not capable of understanding which parent her presents are from. At this stage it seems a lot easier just to split the cost rather than buy separate gifts. Should be split evenly though.

Juells · 08/09/2019 11:16

does 40/20 mean you pay 40 and he pays 20 or t'other way round?

Tooner · 08/09/2019 11:19

What's his reason for wanting to split it? Is it the cost?

user1493413286 · 08/09/2019 11:22

It’s completely up to you. I don’t think it’s bad to share gift costs; we have for DSD as she’s gotten older to get her a laptop etc but if you want to give her something entirely from you just say that.

BlockedAndDeleted · 08/09/2019 11:40

Who pays the £40?

I think if it’s a joint present you should split it evenly.

Aside from that, why can’t he spend the time thinking of a gift for his own child?

What you do now will set a precedent so think about it carefully.

mankyfourthtoe · 08/09/2019 12:59

He needs toys at his house, so I think he should buy his own toys.

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