To want to develop a thick skin??

[ethelfleda]

I’ve always been a fairly weak and over emotional person. I hate it. I constantly worry I’m not good enough and mither about everything I say or do.
I’m mid 30s now and I’m sick of it. I believe people try to take advantage when they see weakness and I’ve had enough of feeling like my voice does not get heard.
How can I develop a thicker skin? And to start to care much less about how people view me and start to build up some confidence??

I would say CBT is a good start. I had it and felt better. I too wish I was more comfortable in my own skin. Some people just don’t care.

I started by just delaying it. So if something upset me, kept trying to not show it and deal with it in private.

To be honest it was quite easy because I was just so fed up with how I felt shit all the time.

I do still worry, less so, but do still do it. However, I just dont show it.

I need this too OP, kudos for you posting and asking, that's the first step

You know when people say 'if you want to feel happy, act like you are' - it's the same with confidence I think.
Just start standing up for yourself and speaking a bit louder, even if it does feel a bit uncomfortable the first few times, eventually it'll become more normal and you'll feel the positive effects. Then the feeling of not-caring about others' opinions will be a by-product of that, rather than something you strive for.

On a separate note, just want to say there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an emotional and sensitive person. I feel in society at the moment that female strength and confidence is highly championed. But I do think it is not inclusive of all personality types.

Another side note - take up martial arts. Kickboxing for example, not a boxercise class, a proper training class with sashes/ Belts to accrue and real techniques to master. With that comes a quiet and independent confidence which is a wonderful feeling

Thank you for your replies
These do make sense to me. Unfortunately, I also have a terrible habit of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I think I am trusting in people by telling them how I feel when in reality, I think I’m opening myself up to be walked over!

I seem to keep.my.own counsel more with increasing age. It kicked in when I turned 40-ish. I usedto.have my heart on my sleeve. Please stay sensitive though it is an under-rated quality

Sounds like you’ve got a beautiful soul - that sensitivity and kindness is worth prizing and is a more valuable quality than ego-driven resilience in my opinion - you just need to learn to protect it.

I think we need to do something different to feel something different. So something new like assertiveness training, voice coaching, martial arts/self defence, public speaking courses - something that moves you forwards and isn’t about introspection.

Sounds like you’ve got a beautiful soul - that sensitivity and kindness is worth prizing and is a more valuable quality than ego-driven resilience in my opinion - you just need to learn to protect it

What a lovely thing to say. Thank you

That is a lovely comment, Atrocious. Really turned the thread on its head. Love it!

Have you considered that it’s not you, it’s the people you’re surrounding yourself with? Did your family spend a lot of time when you were a child telling you that you ought to be tougher?

long my family spent a lot of time when I was younger telling me I was stupid and useless. Go figure