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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I unreasonable to do this.. Regarding ex.

10 replies

Qwerty19 · 08/09/2019 00:19

My ds used to go to his dad's Fri to Sun eow. 52 nights per year.. Occasionally he'd ask to have him a few nights in the hols. No more than 5 per year..
He chose to move 30 miles away so not massively far.

Ex became a bit of a mess about booking weekends away with his dw on ds weekend and not seeing him for 4 weeks sometimes more. Occasionally he'd ask to ' swap' a weekend but ds hated it as it meant he didn't see dsd who we have on the weekend he's with us.. He loves our family time.
His dad then asked if it could be just sat to sun as he could do over time on the sat morning.

I didn't notify cms as to be fair in general he paid on time etc and I couldn't be bothered with the hassle. But if ever there was a thing he disagreed with he'd threaten no maintenance.

Anyway a Yr ago cms called and he'd applied for a variation as it costs him £20 per fortnight to collect ds and return him.
So. I agreed that's fine.. However whilst on the phone I notified of the drop in shared contact.. He saved £5 per month in variation.. Ds gained £60+ in maintenance.

He's still throwing it in my face.. That 8 was petty.!. I don't believe I was. The dropped Contacr was for 6m or more and I hadn't notified them
He's now saying he will pick ds up the Fri again but ds a) doesn't want to and b) has joined a club on a sat morning until midday
I'm. Guessing it's because he's just received his annual review which looks like it's going up by a tiny bit again.

He's saying I'm unreasonable for ' grassing he don't have ds 52 nights a year'

He then said can he send ds on train as cheaper than fuel. I said no as altho he's a teen he's not the most sensible.. And b. You've had a variation for fuel to bring him door to door.. So that's what should be done... That is prob Petty but he's been on at me all weekend calling me a money grabber.. Fwiw he doesn't supply anything there for ds not even a toothbrush.. Well he did but it was a kids one as in a 6 to. 8 Yr one.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 08/09/2019 00:43

Ooh, first time I’ve seen a 100% YANBU, though I suppose it’s early in the vote so far. Anyway, OP, YANBU and you are not being petty!

lyralalala · 08/09/2019 00:47

You're petty? He called CMS for a variation for £5 a month - that's petty!

BlackeyedGruesome · 08/09/2019 00:47

Still 100% only 12 votes though.

Qwerty19 · 08/09/2019 00:49

Haha thanks.. Its still early days for a yabu vote lol

I think he hates that ds can also decide.. For example next month we have a family celebration. He wants to come. As its for an elderly relative.
I said it's up to him he can ask his dad to do a Fri to Sat or collect 2 hours later than norm on the Sat.. He replied dad said its normal or nothing. So I told dad nothing then.

In all fairness we never ask for a change until this Yr on mother's day. Ds wanted to be here and his dad said he refused to bring him home the sun any earlier than 7pm. So ds said OK I'll stay with mum the weekend as it's her mothers day.

If fathers day falls on my weekend I try yo get ds to see his dad..but generally hia dad has made other plans.

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 08/09/2019 00:56

He wants it both ways doesn’t he. You live by the sword, you die by the sword! He can’t expect to have CMS reassess to allow for his extra expenses (fuel) but not reassess to allow for your extra expenses (having DS an extra 26 nights a year) if he wants the CMS applied fairly then that’s what he gets.

Qwerty19 · 08/09/2019 00:57

Exactly. That's very well put. Next time he gives me grief I will say it to him in them words.

OP posts:
OrangeSwoosh · 08/09/2019 01:03

He sounds like a twat for DS will work this out very quickly if he hasn't already (which I suspect he probably has...)

Qwerty19 · 08/09/2019 01:05

Anyone think it may be my ex with the yabu vote.. Only joking but that would be funny if it was he'd be a a bit stunned at the responses.

OP posts:
Babysharkisanearworm · 08/09/2019 01:06

So the only reason he wants to see his s9n more is because of money? Wow.
He chose to reduce his days.
He chose to apply for the extra money.
As a result, he pays more. Should not have been so petty and now he has to live with the consequences of his actions. Tough.
How old is your son? Is he old enough that a court would take his view into account at an access hearing? I think that is 13? If so, ex is making waves that he is really not going to like the results of if you decided to go that route, especially as his access time is purely money orientated as it clearly is.

Qwerty19 · 08/09/2019 01:10

He's nearly 14. And tbh in would always listen to my son . Ex wouldn't take me to court because as silly as he acts with things like this I think deep down he knows he's wrong and don't stand a chance..
I wouldn't even put my son through court either.
Ds already says the odd thing about his dad being a waste

OP posts:
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