Aibu to ask for thoughts

[September2019new]

Evening all

Recently separated, have met a man, 15years older. We get along great, he has made it clear and states he has no expectations of what is to come. He has told me I need to get my head right and work on myself emotionally and become comfortable with myself before being with anyone. On the other hand he txt's constantly and says things that make me think he wants more. He is a great listener, we have a great connection etc.

Should I be confused? Aibu to be confused

He appears to be thinking of you first and giving you time to think things over. He is being considerate I guess.

I would also find those two things a bit contradictory/contrary.

Beware of anyone who says one thing and then says another. He's right about one thing, and that's you need to get your "head right", but you don't need him to do that. In fact I think he will only set you back further. End it and focus on yourself.

To be fair, he has said i am the only one that can do it, that he cannot solve that for me

To be fair, he has said i am the only one that can do it, that he cannot solve that for me

But yet he still strings you along. Be smarter than to fall for his selfishness.

He said he gets that I am insecure but that he cannot solve that

Personally I’d be pretty insulted by anyone that told I need to me I need to get my head right and work on myself emotionally and become comfortable with myself. I mean, how bloody demeaning. I’d worry that he’s being manipulative as it sounds like he’s trying to convince you that you that there’s something wrong with you, and that he’s the only one that understands and is there for you. Be careful.

Why are you so desperate to cling onto a relationship that already has red flags waving?

Not desperate or clinging. I wouldn't even say it is a relationship yet. Simply musing

Sounds like a patronising bastard to me. I think he’s doing a bit of reverse psychology here and will turn out to be controlling.

For not even being a "relationship yet", you seem very overly invested as to what he thinks.

your gut instincts are right. there is contradiction with what he says and does. i would stay away.

00:25AlexaAmbidextra would you mind expanding a bit on why you think he may be controlling

I think because he’s being soooo understanding and I think he feels that because you are considerably younger he can take on some sort of wise guru figure. What he’s saying sounds reasonable and considerate but I just get the feeling that this might be covering his belief that he knows what’s best for you. On the one hand he’s saying all these sensible things and giving the impression he’s happy to go at your pace but on the other he’s trying to reel you in with all the texts. It’s hard to explain but I just got a slightly creepy feeling. I may be wrong, he may be a perfectly nice guy. Who knows? Just tread carefully.

He isn't controlling for gods sake. Not everything in life is controlling or emotional abuse but people quite clearly like to think it is!

OP, did you act insecure with him and he has basically said you need to solve those issues?

He's being nice, obviously likes you a lot but doesn't want you to feel rushed into anything. Just enjoy the relationship for what it is and see how it goes.

AMAM8916 yes definitely display insecurities, which I have know issue admitting I have and know I need to resolve

*no issue admitting