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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what would you do...

18 replies

Sunnyday2222 · 07/09/2019 21:57

If you had a partner of 4 years approx and only see him once or twice per week. You have tried living together but it didn’t quite work so therefore live separately at moment, but partner has said you won’t live together again.
You have met another guy socially very recently who, through chatting, knows you have partner.
You are very attracted to this guy and he has sent you a couple of routine messages ie nothing romantic but due to the attraction you are wishing they were! If you have the feeling that the other guy would be interested in you if you were single, would you show an interest and if it was possible see if things would work- which would obviously mean splitting from first guy.....

OP posts:

Siameasy · 07/09/2019 22:00

I would go out with the new guy as your current relationship doesn’t sound like it’s going anywhere.

ISmellBabies · 07/09/2019 22:03

Regardless of the possible new guy, I'd definitely split with the old one. It's going nowhere, not working, you're just wasting each other's time. Dump, move on, then you're free to see how it goes with anyone else.

Thewalker75 · 07/09/2019 22:03

No brainer - ditch the partner regardless, why would you be in a relationship with someone who you've tried to live with and it failed?! What does the future hold for that relationship? Not much by the sounds of it. Then see what happens with the other chap if you think there might be something there but I think they're two separate issues.

LordNibbler · 07/09/2019 22:04

I think you probably need to split from the first guy whatever you decide to do with the second guy. Your relationship isn't going anywhere, and he's confirmed you won't ever live together again. Give yourself a chance to find someone to share a real future with.

VladmirsPoutine · 07/09/2019 22:05

Very simple:

Dump the current boyfriend. Imagine the sort of hoops you'd have to go through to coax him into living again and as he's already set expectations you'd be constantly living on egg-shells if you did eventually move in as he'd hold it over your head that somehow you can't cohabit with cohesion. Get rid. You don't need that drama.
Once dumped - send a few more casual messages to second guy if you're that way inclined. Do 'casually' drop in you're now single without making it clear.
Then live life and don't get tangled up in anyone's psychodrama.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 07/09/2019 22:07

Four years, it didnt work out living together, you see each other once or twice a week and youll never live together?

In the nicest way possible, it doesnt matter about the new chap, you need to finish the old relationship.

VladmirsPoutine · 07/09/2019 22:07

By not making it clear, I mean by not making it seem as though you specifically dropped your boyfriend for him.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 07/09/2019 22:08

If your eye is that easily caught and your relationship is dysfunctional, just ditch your boyfriend.

HotSauceCommittee · 07/09/2019 22:09

You don’t sound as if you love your current partner. I would finish it and ask the other bloke out.

LordNibbler · 07/09/2019 22:09

If your eye is that easily caught I think that's rather unfair and unkind.

Jozen · 07/09/2019 22:12

Regardless of the new man, I'd be ending the relationship (such as it is) with the partner.
Enjoy the single life for a while.

Original poster

Sunnyday2222 · 07/09/2019 22:13

To be honest, I don’t normally notice other guys
ie I’ve never felt as strong an attraction for absolutely ages

OP posts:

Bumbags · 07/09/2019 22:15

Ditch number 1

Ask out number 2

Ilikethisone · 07/09/2019 22:18

If I were you I would be taking some time out from both men and trying to figure out why I put up with a half relationship that wasnt foinf anywhere, until an another option turned up.

CluelessNewMama · 07/09/2019 22:27

If your current partner was making you happy I don’t think you would be on here asking this question. Sounds like it’s time to move on. Then you are free to see what happens with the new guy. It doesn’t have to be either one or the other though, it might be good to enjoy being single for a while.

Original poster

Sunnyday2222 · 07/09/2019 23:10

Thanks for the responses so far. It seems to be quite conclusive. I think I will also send the other guy a casual routine message in next couple of days to keep the contact up and then as a PP said, can casually drop in at some point after that that I have split if that happens

OP posts:

dollydaydream114 · 07/09/2019 23:12

Your current relationship is quite clearly going absolutely nowhere and you deserve better, so I'd dump the current boyfriend and ask the other bloke out.

In fact, I'd dump the current boyfriend even if I wasn't going to ask the other bloke out.

Original poster

Sunnyday2222 · 08/09/2019 11:45

Your responses have been very helpful on this 👍

OP posts:

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