My god I need to vent and to know who is being unreasonable. I suspect I am but unsure.
DH and I are doing up a flat for us to move into with DS in 2 weeks. It's all been a big push because we are currently private renting and paying for both properties is costing a fortune.
DS is 11months and up until now we have only ever left him with family once (he goes to nursery while I'm at work)
So last Saturday we left him with my parents for the first time. My mum has pushed and pushed to have DS on her own since before he was born. Don't really get why. Anyway, I specifically asked them not to give him a snack, just formula, in the afternoon. They ignored this, gave him biscuits and then said he didn't want his milk. Cue awful night, where he fed twice and woke every 2 hours. Passed it off as a coinsidence/growth spurt and moved on. Although through the week it came out that my mum had spoon fed him food when asked not to (they were finger foods) and other little bits I mentioned not to do she had done.
Today, left him with parents again. Wrote instructions. Nothing patronising (imo) just "2.30pm formula 8oz make it up as..." (we have a perfect prep so wrote instructions for that) and then "4pm porridge made with oat milk and a fruit pouch" told them he had just woken up so wouldn't need a nap, spoon feed him the porridge otherwise he doesn't eat it and that's all.
Left.
Had a call at 3pm to say "he's just had his bottle and finished it, can I give him another bottle" I said "thanks for checking but no he shouldn't need it (never does!!!) so just give him his dinner at 4pm"
Got back to find DS asleep in my mums arms at 5. 10pm. Great. They are insistent that he "just crawled up and fell asleep". I know my child. He has never ever done that, he loves his own space when he's sleeping. There is no way this happened. They have to have rocked him to sleep. My mum has this thing about DS loving her more than anyone else and how 'he's always so relaxed around her'. He is also covered in porridge, which I point out which is closely followed by "yes you didn't get much in your mouth did you?" well no because he's 11 months and hasn't a fucking clue which end of the spoon goes where so he puts it up his nose.
So I wake him and he's shattered so put him to bed. He doesn't want his night bottle. He always, without fail, has that bottle. He's just gone to sleep without it.
Between him waking up and me putting him to bed, he's also been really sick. The type of sick he is when he has dairy. Mum doesn't believe he has a dairy allergy and I suspect she has made his porridge with cows milk.
So AIBU to think it's not hard to follow instructions, and to do things my sodding way for once? She's always known better than how I parent and made her opinion clear but now she's insistent on not following things laid out in his routine just for her benefit.
For context, we have had such a fight with DS allergies, and they know this. DS is completely dairy free for 6 weeks and has recently changed formula so we are monitoring him closely so the sudden sickness has really pissed me off. We are also trying to stop night waking and feeding so him not having this bed bottle (which I'm 90% sure is because she gave him more this afternoon) is a real balls up.