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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what’s fair when moving in with boyfriend?

12 replies

Merryoldgoat · 07/09/2019 16:38

I’m asking for my sister.

She and her boyfriend are mid twenties and want to move in together. Both work, he probably earns twice what age does.

He owns his flat and she’d move in. No children involved at all.

Split everything down the middle? Proportional? I think it’s too early to merge finances.

She’s not sure what the pitfalls are. I suppose the issue is if it doesn’t work out she will have no rights at all.

I have no idea how to advise her as all my experience is my DH and I being on equal footing from the start.

Any advice?

OP posts:
aibutohavethisusername · 07/09/2019 16:41

My partner moved in with me. I pay the mortgage as I own the property and we pay half the bills each. He earns more than me but I get child benefit and maintenance from my ex. Although this is the last year I’ll get it.

NailsNeedDoing · 07/09/2019 16:43

She should pay half of the bills and food costs, he should pay all of the mortgage and your sister should have no right to the property.

She shouldn't be expected to pay towards the property in rent or maintenance costs, but not should she expect to have a leg to stand on if he ever wants her out. Of course, that would change if they got married.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2019 16:49

I would be advising her to make sure she has adequate savings. If her boyfriend breaks up with her, she's out on her arse with nowhere to live.

changingoceantides · 07/09/2019 17:09

BF moved in with me. I earn slightly more than him and house is mine. He contributes the equivalent of about 1/5 of my total mortgage/bills outgoings, which works out about a third of what he would pay in rent and bills in a flat on his own (which he was doing). Enough to contribute, but not so much that he'd feel out on his ear if we ever broke up. It's also not so much that I feel I'm relying on his wage. He's happy to do it because we live together, the house feels like home to him and he doesn't feel like he's being ripped off. So I think it's fair for your sister to contribute something but it's also important that she isn't subsidising her bf.

BlueCornsihPixie · 07/09/2019 17:15

I would say nothing towards mortgage/property

Half bills

Then I would say she should put rent money into a savings account, so that she can buy a property in the future, and has back up should things go tits up

Isleepinahedgefund · 07/09/2019 17:18

whatever arrangement they make should make sure they are both paying half of the living costs (food/bills) but that she isn't significantly contributing to the purchase of a property that isn't hers and she will never have any claim to.

She might want to think about contributing by purchasing sofas or paying for holidays, but not directly to the mortgage and not for structural home improvements (eg a new kitchen).

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 07/09/2019 21:48

Thank you - I think you’re all right - half living costs, nothing significant to mortgage.

They are talking about marriage etc but they’re young and not in a rush.

My sister has no interest in having a claim on his property. I think the above solution is good as she’ll be able to save some money for herself and if they decide to get married/move/have children etc then she’ll have some capital.

Thank you all!

OP posts:
SD1978 · 07/09/2019 22:04

If she's paying nothing to the house, then she also has to accept it's his house, and she has no voice/ rights in decorating or styling. Can't really have that both ways. Whilst I dont think she should pay half the mortgage necessary- she should be paying something to the cost of the house, not juts bills IMO- otherwise she's is rent free and contributing only to bills- a bloke did that and there would be screams of cocklodger. She should be contributing 'rent'- even if it's less than he's paying because you need to pay for the roof over your head.

MQv2 · 07/09/2019 22:08

She should pay something towards the cost of housing herself IMHO

Not market rate or anything near it because as others have said she has fuck all rights or claim. But she is getting the benefit of the use of the property and that's not worthless and shouldn't be treated as such

stucknoue · 07/09/2019 22:09

I personally would expect (in the very unlikely situation that I meet a man and he wants to move in) for him to pay roughly the rate for a lodger but that includes bills, around £400 where I live typically and assumes a mortgage (mine is £1000 a month so £400 is basically half bills plus £150)

KylieKoKo · 07/09/2019 22:24

Dp owns the property I live in. I don't pay towards but I'm paying into savings so we can buy together. I also buy most food we eat (including when kids are here). He earns considerably more than me so we have about the same fun money. If we split I walk away with money I've saved. Maybe I'm a fannylodger but it works for us.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 07/09/2019 22:40

I agree she should contribute - just not half.

OP posts:
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