Moral dilemma? Or mind your own business?

[Dollymixture22]

Would ot be unreasonable to complain to employer in these circumstances.

The situation is

A little girl has been very ill and in and out of hospital for months.

Mothers family (little girls grandparent and aunt) have dropped everything to help (sitting in hospital, looking after other child, cooking cleaning etc).

Fathers family have done very little - just weekly visits.

Maternal aunt has recently found out a paternal aunt has taken several weeks special paid leave from employer which has been granted because of nieces serious illness. She is aunt by marriage, and has been separated from the little girls uncle for around five years, she hasn’t visited the child in hospital or called at the parents house. It wouldn’t be expected, the child doesn’t know her.

In fairness the parental grandparents do do some childcare for her son, and these arrangements may have been disrupted. However, she is only entitled to one day special leave for childcare, and the reason she has given is the seriously ill child.

If you were the maternal aunt of this child, worked in the same field (and had not taken any special leave), would you mention the true circumstances to her employer, or let it go, because it doesn’t impact you and is none of your business.

I am leaning towards the latter because life is too short and is very unimportant when compared to everything else. But it is infuriating,

Well, the maternal aunt would be telling her employer with the sole aim of getting her sacked for gross misconduct. So you can tell them, but will it make you feel better in the long term?

No it won’t - you are absolutely right.

Convoluted post but I find it very hard to believe an employer would grant weeks of paid leave to a non blood relative (who if divorced is she still a relative?). Surely this woman would have had to provide some sort of proof?
Regardless it’s none of your business.

Has to be the latter. Because the former won’t help anyone at all, including the maternal aunt.

Sounds quite dodgy, but really it is between her and her employer. Are you the maternal aunt, and do you have the same employer? If that's the case then maybe I'd look differently on it.

I’d be seething that they were using my very ill niece to skive off work! I’m not sure what I’d do though tbh. When my godson was in hospital and my friend & I were there with him 24/7 for weeks I had absolutely no energy or interest in anything else and ‘doing something’ about shit like this wouldn’t have even hit my radar!!

I would understand whatever you chose to do about it

That’s not much help though - sorry

I hope the wee one is better soon 🌷

I can understand how irritated this must be making you, but I think your instinctive feeling that you have to let it go is the right one.......in my experience, these things come out in the end - but you might have a long wait before karma comes round to bite her on the bum!
Try to concentrate on the welfare of your little niece; I'm sure she, and her parents, appreciate your support, and as I say, truth will out, but it could take a while!

Getting her sacked for USING my ill niece would likely make ME feel better! How the fuck dare she use YOUR niece like that?

Maternal aunt is my best friend. We chatted about this last night.

The wee poppet is doing better thanks. But it’s been a rough road.

Special leave wasn’t in one big block - a week here and a few days there - all adds up to quite a lot. I assume it’s childcare related.

But I think she just needs to vent rather than do anything about it.

I would mostly wonder how maternal aunt knows all this and whether she has got the wrong end of the stick.

Like a PP it seems extremely odd that a distant relative should get so much paid leave (when my own DC was in hospital for weeks, I only got a week paid, though was then able to take more unpaid).

That is truly awful of this woman. However it really won’t help your niece or wider family for you to get her sacked. I would focus your energy in a positive way on your niece and family and just keep this in mind about this woman, eg keep her at arms length and don’t trust her/go out of your way for her.

Sod it I disagree with most other posters and think it should be reported. Or could whoever works with her have a word directly with her and let it be known they know? Like how nice you have been able to take so much time off to support your niece.

I just don’t think a big family falling-out with ill-feeling and harsh words is what this family needs right now.

How did she find out this is why she has leave? I'm going to assume this is a rumour and she doesn't know for fact and may have it wrong. Is this possible?

Bluntness she met a mutual colleague for coffee. Mentioned niece had been ill, and colleague said what a coincidence and told her about ‘jane’s’ situation., not realising the connection.

I suppose the story could have been muddled. Friend was angry, but she is physically and emotionally drained so everything is magnified.

It’s probably partly misplaced anger as well. I have helped out a few times (have known the family for decades and friends with both sisters) and have noticed one set of grandparents exhausted while the other breeze in their way to a restaurant or weekend away.

The maternal grandmother, who has been up all night, making coffee for the paternal grandmother, who is just stopping by but who is not offering to babysit or cook a meal.