To pursue this as a friend, I think .

[Cluelesscomputered]

My friend and I go back years. We are as close as you can get but at times lines have been blurred when I was married . I cut back on contact as he had become sexually inappropriate and he was very upset about that despite still having loads of daily contact at work .I am separated a matter of months as my husband couldn’t do family Life anymore and I have accepted this as him being of very little loss to us. However I don’t see my children every weekend anymore which is heartbreaking for me as they are all that I am used to as my ex was never around to enjoy them etc.rather than wallow in trying to plan ahead and think about putting myself first and what I might like to do . My friend and I are back in very regular contact and I have no reason to detach anymore as I’m separated and he isn’t being sexually inappropriate. Ironically my friend has told
Me that he just is not very sexual at all
And could take or leave sex . I am not attracted to him anyway but my aibu is, I would like to spend more time with him eg weekends away, dinners, gifs, cinema. All the activities that we mutually enjoy . We are quite like s couple apart from the Sex part. But here is the kicker . He is in a relationship which is shocking news to me because he still lives his life as a single man , spending his down time at sports games, gigs, travel with his friends . He never speaks about her, sees her once or twice a week despite living near eachother so. Ow I think I should forget about asking him to do activities with me as I don’t want to hurt her ( don’t know her whatsoever) . I know he would jump at the opportunity as he has suggested such occasions regularly for years . But I feel shit . Any advice for this one please?

Steer clear. How come you're so close but only just found out he's in a relationship? This and your own history with him tells me he's just not very nice.

He's just a stop-gap for you as well. The danger of this though is that it becomes a habit of you relying on his company. When you've recovered from the end of your relationship, this habit will stop you from branching out. By relying on this man now you'll be trapping yourself in a dead-end later.

I appreciate these are hard and sad times for you, but I think you'd be better broadening your other friendships (or creating some) than wrapping this one closer.

Thanks for your reply . He didn’t want me to know about his relationship I think. That’s the only reason I can think of .
I agree with you in that I may start to rely on him but I’m feeling prettt anxious right now about the future and I’m afraid of being lonely . My life has been wrapped up in my kids .thanks

Nearly all of my friends are partnered with young kids so their free time is small

I think the anxiety is clouding your judgement. Make new friends or take up a hobby or volunteering, you will meet people there.

Yes you are possibly right . There were so many activities that I would have enjoyed with him and really wanted to go to but couldn’t as I was married and it wouldn’t have been appropriate eg concerts, films etc . Perhaps I am being desperate

Not desperate, just (understandably) sad and finding it difficult.

I haven't said avoid him completely, but do think keeping him at arms length would be better for you. Why can't his girlfriend join you for these outings?

I'm the single friend with no children, my married-with-children friends still make time for me, hopefully yours will for you. It helps if you can fit in with whatever they're doing - I have been known to go to friend's child's swimming lessons so we can catch up whilst child swims. And many trips to the park of course.

And as PP said, branch out yourself. Enlist in a class (yoga, French conversation, karate, sewing). Join a walking group. Volunteer (doesn't have to be a regular commitment, can just be a one day thing).

Thanks his girlfriend is a very separate part of his life . When I asked why he was secretive about her and that I’d like to meet her, he said she doesn’t like him having friends who are female as she has trust issues

Sounds like you had a long running emotional affair with him.

Maybe she has trust issues because her boyfriend hides his relationship?!?

Honestly you and she should steer clear.

You are right I need to steer clear for sure, no emotional affair . Just great friends that he took to a sexual level but that I stopped

“Not Just Friends”.