Friend lying about to me about holiday

[Ghostpost]

I have a friend who’ve I’ve known my whole life. We always dip in and out of each other’s lives due to busy lives.

Recently we’ve started doing a sport together and there was a match coming up that she maintained she couldn’t come to. I didn’t want to pry, but nearer the time of the match she said she was gutted she couldn’t come, so I asked her generally why she couldn’t come, were they out that day? Her reply was that her son had a match and it was a couple of days away so they were planning on going down somewhere. She was very vague.

Well 2 days later, her daughter put a status on WhatsApp of a plane and them all going on holiday to an exotic country.

I don’t know why she lied to me, when it was obvious other members of our team knew she’d gone on holiday. She’s made things really awkward between us now as she blatantly said something different. I wished her a happy holiday as normal when she put her pics on WhatsApp, but she was a bit distant with replies. I feel like she thinks I was going to jinx her holiday or something, and it’s making me feel quite sad.

I’m trying to understand why someone would do this?

Could it be a jealously thing? She didn't want to make you jealous and was trying to spare your feelings?

Maybe she is going for some cheap plastic surgery. Maybe she didn't want to say she had a term time holiday booked. Maybe it was a surprise and she didn't know all the details. Maybe she thought it was none of your business. Maybe she was knackered and didn't want to have a conversation about her holiday plans.

Maybe. But I’m not jealous of people’s holidays or materials. She knows what I’m like...or I maybe thought she knew me.

She wasn’t knackered or busy because she specifically phoned me that day just for a chat whilst I was the one tired and doing school shopping in Asda. This was during the summer holidays.

Just really odd, and she’s been distant ever since.

climate change guilt?

It's just a fact of living life online. Nothing is private or secret any more.

I understand the privacy thing. I’m private and I never post my holidays and purchases online. I’m just sad she told others in the team but hid it from me. Oh well.

Does she have a lot more money than you or complain she’s skint and now embarrassed?

Can you tell us how it was obvious people knew?

Any chance it was a surprise holiday for one of the family members and she didn’t want to spoil the surprise?

I’m generally very private and not keen on holiday boasting for example. I tend to only tell the people I’m forced to tell that I will be away. I worry about all sorts of things, security etc and know in the past when some friends haven’t been able to go on holiday for medical or financial reasons they feel a bit down that they can’t get away so I try to avoid bringing it up to be sensitive to that.

If it bothers you so much, just ask “Please can you tell me why you said x when you knew you were going on holiday. Other people appeared to know the truth and I’m quite upset that you felt the need to be dishonest with me. I’m struggling to understand why you would do that?”

I’d be surprised if there wasn’t a more rational explanation (I.e the holiday was booked last minute or a surprise for someone etc).

Actually come to think of it, she was telling me a few months ago they were drowning in bills. They run their own business and are considerably more well off than us, but she hadn’t processed invoices or something. The money must have come through.

I’m beginning to think now she didn’t want to show off, so lied instead. Which is fine, but really odd.

If this was my friend, I would just message something like 'you didn't mention you were going away, you lucky thing! Have a great time all xx' or something similar, thus prompting her to say it was a surprise or whatever.