Daughter embarrassed about periods

[Unusualusernames]

Posting here for traffic (sorry).

I'm really worried about my 13 year old daughter. She recently started her period and she's really embarrassed about it. Every time I try to talk about it she gets cross and says "please mum I don't want to talk about it".

It started when she was at a sleepover at her friends and she texted me. I gave her some sanitary towels and she managed ok.

It's the same with her getting a bra. She's been wearing crop tops for years but I really think she needs a bra now and she just won't talk about it.

I feel like a really crap mum because I always hoped I'd be approachable. I've recently started working full time and am having an extremely stressful time at work. This is just making me feel so guilty and like a total failure as a mum.

I don't know what to do and I'm so worried if she can't talk to me about these things then what's going to happen when she starts having boyfriends?

I feel like I've really failed as a mum that she doesn't feel she can talk to me and ask me about these things.

You aren't a bad parent, at that age it is an excruciatingly private time.

I gave my DD a charge card to buy what she needed. I also just buy a selection of options and put them away and she helps herself. I replace what is used.

3 years later we can now talk about it.

As for bras...not essential. My DD has both. They do crop top type non wired bra tops in primark. Slightly padded to hide nipples. These are her favourite.

Big hugs

I also don't understand the desparation to talk about it with her. She managed already, what do you want to talk about exactly?

It's pretty normal IMO to be embarrassed about such things at that age, and not to want to discuss them with your parents. Perhaps especially not with parents!

If you feel she needs a bra, why not just make sure she has the money to go and buy some - if she wants to. But I wouldn't hassle or question her about it.,

Well she’s only going to talk to you if she wants to or there is a need to talk about them. What exactly are you hoping for her to say to you? As long as she understands what’s happening to her body just let her get on with it.

Did you talk to her about periods and normalise it before she got her period? My mother didn’t and I would
Never have talked to her about them.

Why is it about you and how you feel? They’re her periods and her body it’s up to her how she feels about it and handles it.
Respect her privacy and stop making it about you and how it makes you feel.

I was rather like your daughter when I was going through puberty. I was a bit of a tomboy and wasn't ready to admit to myself that my body was starting to change, let alone talk to my mum about it.

My mum's way round the bra thing was to buy me a couple as a birthday present. She made sure we were alone before giving me the package and then when I unwrapped it she said something like "I thought you may want to wear one soon". Thankfully she didn't press the point and I continued to go without for quite a few more weeks .

She wasn't quite so prepared when it came to sanitary protection, so when I started, I had to wear one of her pads until she could buy me something more suitable. After that, she always made sure I had a supply.