To offer toast instead of uneaten dinner??

[FusionChefGeoff]

I'm usually hardline - have one very fussy DC and don't want to make it worse.

Tried something new today - just a gnocchi tray bake thing, nothing too risky but still, no technically 'safe' food apart from broccoli as a side.

Both have refused after 1 bite.

If they don't like their dinner and don't eat it, I'll do my DC toast, but no exciting spreads, just butter. If they say they're full, I'm guided by them and if they want something later, before bed, usually only toast or porridge / weetabix then I'll let them have it.

Food is a pleasure in this house and not a control mechanism

I agree!
Sending children to bed hungry or giving them a crust of dry bread because they didn’t like their dinner? So bloody weird and controlling.

The strict attitudes on here are pretty alien to me.

There's some quite frighteningly uptight women on here. I'm very wary of controlling anyone else's food choices. Children are people too they are allowed not to like some foods. I offer plenty of healthy choices to my little one but always happy to default to toast or a ham sandwich if he doesn't fancy whatever I've cooked. No biggie.

(That whole 'I'm in charge of everyone at the dinner table' just makes me recoil)

I've always said DD can have a bowl of fruit after dinner whether she's eaten it or not, but I generally won't prepare anything else (even toast). That way she'll hopefully get something vaguely healthy (if a little sugary). Everyone's different though and kids go through fussy phases - whatever you think will work for your kid.

In my house you eat what I’ve prepared or you go without.

I choose what they eat. They choose how much they eat. I don't offer anything else

@Jimdandy that is such an unpleasant attitude

Do you feel the same if you go to eat at other peoples houses? Even if they cook food you really don’t like or fancy eating at that point? And would you still say yes day in day out for every meal.

So controlling.

I find the attitude of dinner or nothing very difficult to agree with. If you were given a dinner you hated and told it was that or nothing until breakfast would you think this acceptable? I would make sure dc had a decent try of the food and if they genuinely hated it give them something else if they were hungry but try to give something quite boring so it’s not rewarding or encouraging dinner refusal. I’d hate to be forced to eat something I really didn’t like.

Reastie, there are very few things I refuse to eat as an adult, and that's probably at least partly because my mum cooked the same tea for us all and we all sat down and ate it. There was no question that you might get something else instead. But neither was I ever forced to eat it or given the 'serve it up again for breakfast' treatment.

If I wasn't sure about something (usually because it was new) I was encouraged but with no big fuss to give it a decent try (which is not the same as one bite).

Do you feel the same if you go to eat at other peoples houses? Even if they cook food you really don’t like or fancy eating at that point?

I was brought up with the no fuss, no choice method and it's stood me in good stead; there's hardly anything I really don’t like.

As for making a fuss at someone's house because they made something I 'didn't fancy eating at that point' – that's so rude and ungrateful. It's not a restaurant; if someone makes you dinner you eat it and say thank you, even if there's something else you might have 'fancied' more.

They genuinely didn’t like it. Do you like everything? I know it’s hurtful when you put time / effort / love into something and they turn their noses up at it. (And as an aside I think that’s a reason pre-made baby food can take the emotion out of weaning..) But if they’re hungry, yes I would have given them something else.

If an elderly person was put to bed hungry because they didn’t like the dinner that was served, it would be seen as cruel. But for some reason it’s ok to do it to children.

I feel so lucky to have had the parents I did, when I read some threads on MN. There was no question of being given something different to what was on the table, but equally my parents were very laid back, not the least bit controlling. But we had a very limited diet - it was always potatoes as the staple, so if you didn't like the meat you could still have the potatoes mashed up with butter. Similarly, my own children didn't have a choice, but I made only a few dishes which were inevitably mince- or chicken-based 😂

Too late for yesterday, but DS1 would get offered a banana in these circumstances, DS2 cereal. Both items they will eat, but aren't massively fond of. So I know if they take them, they are genuinely hungry.

Hope you didnt have too early a start today!

PS, I love gnocchi. Send any leftovers my way, please!

If they're happy for now I would leave it. I would offer it again before bed though, because you never know they may eat it if really hungry If they still refuse I would offer toast as they did at least try the gnocchi (mmm send it here if they won't eat it) so def do not deserve to go to bed hungry.

I have textural issues with food, I was fussy as a child as my mum makes lots of soft food. My mum tried the eat it or starve so I starved and ended up under a consultant. Some children are obviously fussy, but in my view if they at least try something it is a start. I think always have safe foods on the plate but keep encouraging them to try things. I think I read it can take five tries of something to get used to it.

Kids are a bit fussy in every culture. When I taught in a Korean school the kids were fussy too and there was very much a must eat it mentality. Kids would stuff food in their pockets to avoid it.

Children like adults should be allowed to have a say over what they like within reason. Gnocchi can be quite divisive as a lot of my family don't like it. I used to work in a nursery and it was one of the don't make items as many children didn't like it.

I eat a lot of food now, but I still hate anything soft and slippery. MIL once made fish boiled in water and I tried to eat it to be polite, but one mouthful and I gagged and was almost sick.

People always say things like "how would you feel if you didn't like a meal and nothing else was offered", which kind of overlooks the fact that children don't always refuse food because they genuinely dislike it, a lot of the time they do it out of habit or to get attention. They become the boy who cried wolf in a lot of cases, it's hard to determine when they truly dislike a certain food and when they are just acting up.

If I was at someone's house and they cooked something I would usually eat but just didn't fancy and I rudely rejected it and expected them to cook me something else from scratch, it would be viewed as horrendously bad mannered. Children also need to be taught these manners at some point, hence why you hear of 10+ children thinking it is still ok to do those things. They have been taught to think they can rudely say "don't want this start again", and the parent will just do it. They have developed terrible habits.

It's ok to genuinely dislike a certain food but you have to learn to be polite about it, and you also have to learn to be grateful and gracious if someone cooks you something that is not necessarily what you fancied but is otherwise fine.

Yes food should be a positive thing and not a means of control, but you have to react when your children get in the habit of being bad mannered, even if it is about food.

I eat a lot of food now, but I still hate anything soft and slippery. MIL once made fish boiled in water and I tried to eat it to be polite, but one mouthful and I gagged and was almost sick.

I gagged even reading that description 😂

...although just as I pressed Post I realised that one of my favourite fish dishes is salmon darnes cooked in water with lots of bay leaves, garlic, peppercorns and vinegar, then left to cool in the water. Mmmmmm...want it now.

In your case OP I would probably have take the plates back and boiled some pasta, hoofed out the gnocci and replaced it with pasta, given it a stir and plonked baxk on the table, with a 'oh well, gnocci doesnt seem to be for you, I'll keep it for mine, and you can have the pasta version.

Sometimes if its the sauce I will make changes to the sauce to sweeten or reflavour it with something I know is a winner.

I'm not good at sending a dc to bed on a empty stomach, and that feels pretty grim and like a punishment for not liking something.

We had lots of times when food was refused because of illness or simply not hungry (i think underlying grumbling illness)

If an elderly person was put to bed hungry because they didn’t like the dinner that was served, it would be seen as cruel. But for some reason it’s ok to do it to children.

Agreed.

There wasn't a lot of choice in our house when I was growing up but I was never forced to eat something I didn't like. Encouraged to try it, yes, but if you didn't like it (my dad would eat it ), you ate what else was on your plate that you did like. Fruit was always available (limited variety but it was always there). I'll eat just about anything now, there are few things I don't like.

If DH didn't like something he would be offered it up at the following meal, then the following, then the following. He was frequently sick from it and has a dreadful relationship with food as an adult. MIL tried this with DS when he was little until I told her that this would absolutely not be happening.

People often mistake simply not liking the taste of something as being fussy and I can't stand the notion that forcing your DCs to eat something somehow makes you win at parenting. It doesn't, it makes you a shit parent IMO. Battles at mealtimes are never necessary.

If my kids don't like something, they can leave it and have fruit if they want. They're in their teens now and eat just about anything, either at home or elsewhere.

I can't eat gnocchi and I'm the least fussy eater I know. There are very few foods I draw the line at.

They didn’t complain and went to bed so I’d presume they weren’t hungry anyway.

Rule in our house is you have to try the food, if you don’t like it I’ll make an omelette or toast or a cheese sandwich but I’m not cooking separate meals for everyone.

My eldest used to be very fussy, sometimes she’d look at food and announce ‘I don’t eat that’ without tasing it. She eats most things now, and will eat things she’s not crazy about as well.

I didn’t want food to be a control thing so didn’t make an issue of it. Eldest had issues with texture and stuff, she’s slowly got better with it as she’s gotten older.

That's quite a 'marmite' food imo.

I dislike it, odd texture, weird taste.

I would offer something else, clearly they don't like it.