NC as this is quite outing, apologies if this is long I’m trying to avoid drip feeding.
DSis is a frequent gambler. When we used to go on family holidays as kids she would always be on the slot machines and become very moody if she lost. She set up online gambling accounts on the day of her 18th birthday (after playing on DParent’s accounts for a few years) and quickly started spending the majority of her part time wage and all of her £2k savings on gambling within a few months.
DS is now 26 and still living at home, I am 4 years younger and moved out at 18 (may be relevant later). Around this time last year I was visiting and DM called a family meeting – DS was hysterically crying, DP’s were angry. I found out that DS had lost track of what she was spending and was £700 into an unarranged overdraft. DP’s refused to pay this as apparently they had bailed her out of £300 a few months prior and she still hadn’t paid the majority of this back. Apparently they have had to do a few times over the years. Nobody told me of this as I tend to be quite fiery when it comes to things like this.
I sat down with DS and although I was frustrated with her, I lent her the money under the terms that she would quit gambling cold turkey and had to pay me back at £100 per week. We worked out a financial plan and everything ran smoothly. I could tell she was genuinely grateful.
This seemed to work great for a few months, she was the happiest I’d seen her, had taken up some old hobbies that she hadn’t done in years too. After around 6-7 months she told me she had started using the sites again, but only small amounts of £10-30 a time (still a lot for me but I’ve never seen the appeal!).
Fast forward to April this year, DP's gave both DS and I £3,000 each which was to be put in our savings accounts and when the time comes put towards house deposits on our first homes. When they put the idea forward I told them to make it clear to DS that this was money not to be spent, and should be put towards finally moving out in the next year or so.
Come to last week, DS and I were sat in my old room and she reveals to me that DP’s had actually only given her £2,500 as she owed them £500. And that she actually had been spending it on gambling, and by June she only had £200 of it left. So she in two months she spent £2,300 plus £1,000 wage (she gets paid £700/month and only pays £200 for board). So in two months she had spent £3,300 on gambling. I felt absolutely sick. She’s quite a sensitive person and all she kept saying was “I don’t want you to be disappointed in me after last time”, which at the time I said I wasn’t, but the fact is I do feel really disappointed in her.
Again, they had all decided not to tell me as they knew I would fly off the handle. DS said she felt like she couldn’t speak to me, so I tried remaining calm and say we would plan out her finances again and she needed to quit gambling. She refused, said she "only" spends around £75-£100 a month on it instead. She has said she will never do it again, but she said that last time, and I know DP's are getting older and could do without the stress of wondering when the next time will be.
It worries me for when DP are not here. We don't have any other family around here so I know I will be the only person who could bail her out. And I don't even want to think about how fast she could spend her inheritance when the time comes.
I don’t even know what to do anymore.