to be upset about the way elderly relative is being treated.

[WhoCaresWins01]

Namechanged as this could out me.

An elderly relative has been living alone since their spouse died a number of years ago, both children live within walking distance as do some grandchildren. Relative did everything for the children and grandchildren when well as family was their life, the children and grandchildren were there constantly but things have cooled since more support was needed. When relative came home from the hospital after a hip replacement they put no aftercare in place and left relative alone in large house - relative fell and ended up back in hospital!
Up until recently relative has been at home alone with a care package but becoming more frail and confused due to vascular dementia. Currently back in hospital after a bleed on the brain and fall.
A few years ago eldest child wanted relative to move into a home but relative had capacity and refused. Social services have now recommended that relative needs to move into a home - I think relative would be deemed not to have capacity now. Instead of supporting the move to a home eldest child now wants parent to go home with a care package and for family members to stay over on a rota. Youngest child doesn't agree. Neither child has Lasting Power of Attorney.
I'm so upset that eldest child seems to be more concerned about £££ than their parents best interests!!!! Parent has a large house that would be left between the two children.
Does anyone know how this is likely to be resolved? Can social services make a decision in the relatives best interests in these circumstances?

Are you certain eldest child is thinking only about money, and not upset about the parent needing to move into a home or being told by the parent that they're scared to go into a home? Either way, a good home probably is for the best, but if it's not just about the money then the eldest child needs to be treated with kindness and compassion.

Absolutely certain, the eldest child has done a total u turn as they were very angry before that relative refused to go into a home.

So why did they want them to go into the home then, but not now? Was it previously more financially advantageous, or have they got themselves in a sticky situation or just turned selfish? What reasons do they give for the U-turn?

Eldest child assumed care home would be funded by NHS / social services but now realises this is not the case!

Ah okay, I get it now. Yeah, YANBU then, that's completely callous on the eldests part.

I just wasn't sure, as my gran was in great denial about needing the help and it weighed heavily on my mum and dad (dad always treated her as his own and called her mum) to overrule her, they had many sad conversations and probably should have done it sooner.

Given the situation the relative should be assessed for mental capacity to establish this. If no capacity, it is possible for relatives to apply to the Court of Protection to gain a Deputyship over that person's finances, health decisions etc (this can be done jointly and can be contested if others don't think that person is suitable). Someone should probably look at taking this on.
In terms of the care home, given the bleed on the brain it would be worth applying for NHS Continuing Health Care funding if not already done, as some NHS funding may be available even If social services can't fund. Worth continuing to apply for CHC at e.g. year long intervals as the situation may change and become more of a nursing need. It sounds like best choice for relative is a home.

Can social services make a decision in the relatives best interests in these circumstances?

Yes an advocate can be appointed for the persons best interests.

When relative came home from the hospital after a hip replacement they put no aftercare in place and left relative alone in large house - relative fell and ended up back in hospital! - this is social services error, however person and fmily may have declined help

Thing is the Eldest may also be playing to the parents wishes in not wanting to go into a home and want to attempt to care for them. Or they may have financial reasons.

A home is absolutely the best option for relative! So sad to see the family split over this. Relative did so much and has not received the care they deserved.

The aftercare after hip replacement was nothing to do with social services. Op was at private hospital and family said there was someone to look after her! NHS would had done an assessment before sending her home.

NHS would had done an assessment before sending her home

Really? I think it depends where you live and what sort of care packages are available. In some areas they just chuck you out.

Y may not being U in this case but a lot of what you wrote could be said of me/my father by an outsider with only limited perspective on the situation. And it's really not cause I'm after his money, it's down to a combination of what he'll agree to (not carers other than family unfortunately), my lack of saintliness and the shifting nature of his condition. In many ways he'd be better off in a good care home but his whole sense of identity and security and what remains of his memory is intricately linked with his familiarity with his own home and surroundings. Most of the time I really have no clue what would be best for him, we just manage day to day.

In my area an ot / ss assessment would definitely be done before discharging an elderly patient home alone after a hip replacement.

The aftercare after hip replacement was nothing to do with social services. Op was at private hospital and family said there was someone to look after her

Drip feed

The hip operation happened when the had capacity to make their own decisions, their choice was to go to their own home, not a care home. You need a better understanding of the Mental Capacity Act; people are allowed to make bad decisions, you cannot over ride those decisions just because you don't agree with them or dislike them.

You are an outsider looking in, you seem to dislike the elder child, who actually seems to be trying to accommodate the persons wishes and keep them in their home by virtue of a sibling care rota. You have no idea what promises may have been made between them eg I want to die in my own home/I don't want to go into care

If you are worried call social services but they cannot take away a person and put them in a home because you think they should be. They are not neglected, currently not at risk