To not take my 3yo to dinner?

[BlackRibboner]

Last week I had plans to meet up with friends for dinner. I was in town with my 3 year old and 3 month old, the plan being for my husband to meet us after work, take the three year old home and I'd crack on with the baby (ebf and issues expressing, so was always the plan to take baby with me, restaurant accepted children).

Things went a bit awry and my husband couldn't take DC, so I had the choice of taking them to dinner or cancelling on my friends. DC was whiny after a full day out, getting tired and wanting to go home.

My friends are lovely people who aren't particularly interested in children and don't have any of their own. I decided to cancel on them and just go home, rather than risk ruining everyone's evening with tantrums and constant interruptions.

WIBU? I often read on MN of mummy martyrs who create a rod for their own backs by pandering to their children and letting them rule the roost. Should I have just expected my three year old to come along and behave, given some appropriate activities? My friends completely understood the reason for cancelling but would also have welcomed my children (outwardly at least!), so I'm just not sure if I made the right choice. Currently have three under four and feel like I'm losing myself, so sense of perspective may be out of whack. Grateful for other views!

I think there's a difference in taking a child who is happy and you know there is a good chance of them sitting quietly and taking a child who is already tired and fractious. In the scenario you describe you probably would have felt stressed and not enjoyed the meal because your child was less likely to entertain themselves.

You completely did the right thing. Having a cranky toddler would have ruined the experience for everybody, including you and your desire to have with your friends totally counts. :)

Only you can judge how your toddler was going to behave at that point in time. If he was at melting point then you did the right thing for all of you by going home. Your toddler would have been unhappy, you would not have been able to relax and enjoy yourself and your friends would not have got any meaningful engagement with you either.

Sometimes we just have to take the path of least resistance!

You did the right thing OP. You didn't "pander" you assessed the situation and did what was best for your toddler, yourself and your friends.

I was pretty set to say you were being unreasonable because Mumsnet is FULL of parents who seem to think that taking a child out to dinner is some sort of crime, but in this case you did the right thing. Dinner with a whiney tired three year old would have been no fun for anyone. And I think respecting your child is a good thing - if, say, your husband was exhausted and didn't want to attend a meal you wouldn't force him to, so why would you force a child? I don't think that giving your child the same respect and consideration you'd give an adult is pandering to them, I think it's being a good parent.

Honestly going back to my baby days- I would have found it more stressful having a tired child whinging. But everyone is different!