Not sure how to carry on

[Sezzyroo]

How do you carry on when it feels like the world is on your shoulders and you can't breath?

I've had the worst 4 years of my life and I don't know how to keep going or if I'll ever be happy, or if I even want to try. Why do you keep dragging on even if you're desperately unhappy?

Sometimes I feel resentful that people love me because I can't just be done with it all. I feel like I have to crawl on for them. I couldn't hurt my mum like that, I'd rather suffer, but how do you make it bearable or get out of the fog. I'm really tired

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I got the wall 2 years ago I had a massive breakdown and ended up in hospital die to losing my baby girl (no sorry needed) I learned that the first step is acknowledging you are poorly 2. You have to want to change your life etc 3. Start off with the basic....hygiene plenty of baths eating good meals and not sleeping in day but at night. 4. Facing what's bothering you and work out ways to deal with it like CBT, counselling, breathing my one is changing the way I think (practice it works). I hated every body aswell because I just shut down into fuck everybody.

My darkest moment was facing a painful mystery illness with potentially no cure. I told myself I owed it to myself and the people who loved me to give the doctors at least 2 years to figure it out. I think sometimes, you just have to tell yourself you can make it through one year, one day, one minute. Whatever chunk of time you can handle.

I also can’t emphasize enough how amazing my GP has been with regards to mental health. I was terrified to talk to her, but I left that first appointment with a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. She worked with me to find a plan and said of this doesn’t work, we will find something that does. She never shamed me. She never told me I was doing anything wrong. All I got was her best effort to make my life better.

Please try to hang on.
3 weeks ago today my mum let go. She was only 76. We knew she was ill and depressed, we fought in her corner, tried to get her all the help she needed. We thought we had turned a corner.
3 weeks ago she decided enough, she was tired and took 40 co codamol type drugs, she had had enough. I understand why but cant get to grips with the fact she felt this was her only option.
I think if she had realised the utter devastation she left behind she would not have done it.
Those people who love you, they will be destroyed. Even knowing you are a mess, the thought of you giving up will not have crossed their mind. If you do, it will destroy them.
Please please hang on