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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only cook for myself and dc?

23 replies

Marmalady75 · 05/09/2019 20:30

My dh and I both work. I make our evening meal 5 nights a week and on the other 2 (when I take dc to a sport and arrive back after dh) I have either prepped the meal which he just has to pop in the oven or if I’m really busy I’ll get microwave meals.
I’ve been busy this week, so I told dh there were pizzas in the fridge and to put them in the oven 10 minutes before we were due back (always the same time both nights). Anyway, tonight I got back at the same time as usual to see him eating pizza and saying the rest was in the oven and “might be a bit crispy”. Turns out it had been on at 180• in a fan oven for 30 minutes. Apparently I had a bad attitude when I pointed out it was beyond burnt and that it only takes 10 minutes to cook a pizza. He told me that will no longer cook any food for me as I am so stroppy. AIBU to not cook him any food for a week and continue to prepare it for myself and DC? Dh is usually very nice and has probably had a crap day at work to react like that, but I’m hangry and a bit annoyed that he didn’t just apologise and we would have laughed off the burnt pizza.

OP posts:

Waveysnail · 05/09/2019 20:33

Well he's been a part and obviously going on attack as defense. Order yourself some nice takeaway pizza

mankyfourthtoe · 05/09/2019 20:34

I'd still cook but leave his in the oven and oh no is it a bit crispy...

PennyGold · 05/09/2019 20:34

Exactly what @mankyfourthtoe said.
I'd have taken his pizza off his plate, what a dick.

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2019 20:37

It's shit for kids that live with parents who play those games.

Just clear the air and move on.

Sadandwontvoteagain · 05/09/2019 20:38

I absolutely would not be cooking for him again.

Fuck that shit!

He obviously doesn’t see cooking as important so he can go jump!

I’d be raging - I’d be annoyed if it were just me, but to basically fail to feed his children is just shit.

Parky04 · 05/09/2019 20:40

What a prick. I wouldn't cook for him again!

Benes · 05/09/2019 20:44

Strategic incompetence

FusionChefGeoff · 05/09/2019 20:45

If my DH has made a mistake, he will try every ducking trick and excuse in the book to avoid a straightforward 'yes I know, sorry'

Drives. Me. Mad.

And yes, one of his favourite tactics is to go massively on the attack.

Not much I can do - I make a big point about apologising and moving on when I fuck up and just hoping he'll get the idea eventually

FlashAHHHH · 05/09/2019 20:48

Right, I think you need to make it very clear that you do pretty much all of the cooking and therefore, there is an expectation that on the rare occasions that he cooks, that he has the decency to prepare an edible meal.

Give him a chance to acknowledge this and apologise for the burnt pizza. He's being very defensive which is so annoying, given that he's clearly in the wrong and should say sorry.

Creatureofthenight · 05/09/2019 20:51

I think my reaction would depend on what he had done to rectify the mistake- did he get the DC something else or did he leave it to you to sort?

inwood · 05/09/2019 21:06

@Benes has it spot on.

CherryPavlova · 05/09/2019 21:08

What Ponoka7 said.

Teacakeandalatte · 05/09/2019 21:08

Make him cook more often he needs the practice.

bellmadboo · 05/09/2019 21:09

Don't ask him next time and get tea out with DC. Oh sorry babe I thought you would of made something

zxcvhjkl · 05/09/2019 21:11

I dare say he did that on purpose so you wouldn't ask him to cook again, except now he's blaming you for being hangry. He's being a manchild.

Also, do as mankyfourthtoe suggested.

forkfun · 05/09/2019 21:11

Listen to @Ponoka7.

Cheeserton · 05/09/2019 21:16

Yeah, agree just cook his food three times longer then strop when he doesn't appreciate it. He's a plonker on this occasion. Oh, and he should bloody cook more in general (but learn how to first).

Katinski · 05/09/2019 21:22

Yeah, OP,listen to Ponoka7 and move on.Please.

Original poster

Marmalady75 · 05/09/2019 21:26

Thanks for all the replies. I think it may well be some form of strategic incompetence and just being a blithering idiot.

We had a delightfully rubbish tea of chicken nuggets and potato waffles followed by chocolate sponge (which dh didn’t get because he had gone off to watch tv and I was strategically incompetent about telling him there was pudding on the go )

OP posts:

timshelthechoice · 05/09/2019 21:31

I would never have been the one making the fucking meal 5 nights a week when you both work FT in the first place. Why is it all your job? 'Actually, I'm glad you brought up not cooking 'for me' anymore because I'm no longer the designated cook. I don't feel appreciated, either. So looks like we'll be sorting out ourselves from now on. That leaves the kids, 3 nights one week for you and 4 for me, then alternate. Let's draw up a rota.'

And stick to it.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 05/09/2019 21:53

Why do you cook all the time?

Say to your h how he feels being unable to cook a fecking pizza at his age, when you cook every night of the week.

If you both work F.t, take it in turns to meal plan and cook for each week. Then he’ll appreciate what you do.

WhatsMyPassword · 05/09/2019 21:57

Dh is usually very nice and has probably had a crap day at work to react like that, but I’m hangry and a bit annoyed that he didn’t just apologise and we would have laughed off the burnt pizza.

Really ? I mean he's had a shit day, you acknowledge this out of character and you want to act like a juvenile?

TBH, he probably had a lucky escape from beige freezer finger foods

Stapelberg · 07/09/2019 09:27

You have 2 choices. You can move on like an adult, tell him very one makes mistakes and you'll order pizza on for yourself and your son, but please set an alarm next time to take the pizza out on time, where your child will learn that forgiveness is important and he will teach that to his own family one day,
Or
You can go off on one, impliment spiteful behaviour and make a big show of tut-for-tat in which your child will learn that it's okay to make someone feel bad for mistakes and also, more importantly, to accept that kind of behaviour from their own partner one day...

Sorry your food were burnt, its horrible after a long day wheen you've been looking forward to it for hours.
I wish for you all peace x

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