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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bus priority seats

50 replies

Bisquick · 05/09/2019 19:01

On a mostly empty evening bus home. The front seats are mostly taken, there’s one priority seat free but a lady is sitting on the aisle seat. I ask her if she’d mind if I squeezed past her to sit down and she points to the priority sticker and asks “which one are you”. There isn’t anyone else visibly needing a priority seat on the bus.
I rolled my eyes and sat elsewhere but am irrationally annoyed.
It really isn’t any of her business what priority category I am. If no one needs the seat who is she to police whether someone sits there or not?
FWIW I’m clearly a brown immigrant and she was a white OAP and there was a lot of explaining using her “slow” voice which probably grated.

OP posts:

TabbyMumz · 05/09/2019 20:13

"If someone got on who wanted the seat or looked like they may I’d have offered to get up."
And that's the issue isn't it. ..people have hidden disabilities and you wouldnt know if they needed it. You used up a disability seat with mild ankle pain. You should have just gone and sat in the other area before it moved.

cacklingmags · 05/09/2019 20:23

The very most annoying thing about this person was that she was sitting IN THE AISLE SEAT. People who do that are the most selfish, entitled, stupid fuckwits to ever sit their fat arses down on a bus.

TabbyMumz · 05/09/2019 20:28

Perhaps she was quite frail and didn't want to be blocked in when her stop came and not be able to get out on time?

MoonageDaydreamz · 05/09/2019 20:32

My understanding with priority seats is that anyone can sit in them but if someone less able to stand gets on, the onus is on you to vacate the seat.

So the lady was in the wrong to imply you needed to be disabled etc to sit in it.

Livelovebehappy · 05/09/2019 20:42

Don’t get the relevance that you felt it necessary to mention you are a brown immigrant??

MemorialBeach · 05/09/2019 20:48

Were all 8 seats at the lower level priority seats? If not why didn't you just sit on one which wasn't? And if they were all priority seats why didn't you just go up the steps and take one of the seats on the upper level? I don't understand why you would get on a quite empty bus and then, instead of taking an available non priority seat, stand around waiting to see if anyone who got on after you was in need of a priority seat, so you could then sit in one if left free
If you needed a priority seat you should have just sat in it, and if you didn't you should have sat in an available non priority seat.

What would you have done if the priority seats had all been taken? Would you have gone up to the upper level seats then?

Marshmallow91 · 05/09/2019 20:53

Exactly @TabbyMumz,

I don't "look" disabled, but suffer with constant (sometimes intolerable pain)
I have several very physically and mentally limiting conditions that will shorten my lifespan and will only get worse.
I've used a wheelchair in the past when I lost the ability to walk, but nowadays if you saw me shuffling on to a bus, you wouldn't think to offer me a seat; and I wouldn't ask either because I'd assume you also needed the seat because of an unseen disability.
This is a picture of me just after I stopped using my wheelchair about 2 years ago. Tell me what illness I have that would make you give up your seat for me?

slashlover · 05/09/2019 21:19

When I got on the bus the seats at the entry level were almost empty, but I waited in case anyone needing a priority seat got on and wanted to take them.

So you waited to see if anyone needed a seat? What if every priority seat had been taken? If I had seen you waiting around then I would have assumed you didn't need a seat and were just being awkward asking me to move.

RosaWaiting · 05/09/2019 21:26

I’m a bit confused

If you didn’t need the priority seat, why not just head for another?

I’ve actually seen a guy get shouted at for taking a priority seat on a virtually empty bus. It was quite weird because he could have a hidden disability, but as soon as a chap with a walking stick said “oi, why are you in this seat” he moved.

Yes, you can move out of the priority seat but why take it in the first place if you don’t need it? If you’ve hurt your ankle, all you had to do was tell her. And you’d be hobbling or limping?

RosaWaiting · 05/09/2019 21:28

Cackling “The very most annoying thing about this person was that she was sitting IN THE AISLE SEAT”

Why? That might be the most comfortable option for her.

Pinktulipsarethebest · 05/09/2019 21:34

Standing up and sitting down again in a bus that could potentially start moving fast might have been difficult for her.

MidniteScribbler · 06/09/2019 09:23

The very most annoying thing about this person was that she was sitting IN THE AISLE SEAT. People who do that are the most selfish, entitled, stupid fuckwits to ever sit their fat arses down on a bus.

I always sit on an aisle. I would have a complete panic attack if sitting in the window seat and be blocked in by someone.

Aannnaa · 06/09/2019 09:35

I've had similar - not when asking for a seat but when boarding -both buses at home and the tube for work - I have a heart condition which means I can't stand for long - without fail everytime I'm on the tube I'll be told - usually by a fat white middle aged man that I should give up my seat ~(while he sits his fat arse in his smug in the knowlege that he put the little woman in her place) - irony is that, even though it causes me actual pain - I always give up my seat to pregnant, disabled or elderly. Guess you can't win,right?

ShirleyPhallus · 06/09/2019 09:36

@aannnaa get one of these

tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-offer-me-a-seat

Aannnaa · 06/09/2019 09:37

MidniteScribbler

Me too. I would rather stand than sit in window seat because a couple of minutes discomfort is better than me having a panic attack and pissing myself in front of a load of strangers

Kiddofreddo80 · 06/09/2019 09:39

Honestly I’d be pretty annoyed if on an almost empty bus someone wanted me to get up and let them sit down, just walk the two paces and sit further down
I kind of agree with this. It’s a bit close for comfort really and you only had a pain in your ankle...it’s not like you were on crutches or anything

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/09/2019 09:39

You’re still acting like the massively entitled. You are able bodied. You don’t like it when you perceive people judge you for your age / skin colour. I don’t like it when you decide to take my seat. No one should have to ask you for the seat because you shouldn’t have contemplated sitting there in the first place. More than one person has explained why. Take my seat. Take my disability.

Aannnaa · 06/09/2019 09:42

ShirleyPhallus

I was given one by a well meaning relative, but honestly I will never wear it - it's patronizing and discriminatory - as I mentioned up thread I have a heart condition that means I can't stand for long without fainting or having seizures - I've had able bodied people SCREAM at me because their kids didn't have a seat and I've had people KICK my service dog because she was curled up, under my seat - but apparently she should have been outside.... some people are just idiots

Kiddofreddo80 · 06/09/2019 09:42

FWIW I’m clearly a brown immigrant and she was a white OAP and there was a lot of explaining using her “slow” voice
Wow ok so you think it was racism??
You know that quite a lot of elderly people speak slowly anyway? I know I speak a lot faster than my grandparents and other elderly people I know.

If you were that desperate for a priority seat, why didn’t you just tell her about your ankle? There was no need to get huffy about it when the situation could’ve been avoided

CTRL · 06/09/2019 09:48

She was rube but honestly if the seats at the back were empty - why couldn’t you just use one ? You went there in the end anyway

BossAssBitch · 06/09/2019 09:54

Of course YANBU, OP, totally out of order of the rude person who confronted you.

I had the most painful slipped disc a few years ago, it was excruciating to stand and so if the train was full I simply asked someone to move from the priority seats. It’s really not that hard, same goes for pregnant women doing the ‘sad face’ in the Daily Fail when none of the nasty passengers even looked at them to give them a seat. ASK FFS!

whattodowith · 06/09/2019 10:06

Failing to see where race comes into it, you're not Rosa Parks.

She could have moved across and probably should have, some people can be dicks. You didn't need the seat though and there were plenty of others available further back so mountain and molehill springs to mind.

Bouffalant · 06/09/2019 10:10

What a non issue.

ShirleyPhallus · 06/09/2019 10:16

@Aannnaa that’s your choice then. While those people sound like idiots, you’re making things more difficult for yourself than if you wore that type of badge that would help people understand a little better than some disabilities are hidden and you do need the seat

Each to their own though 🤷🏼‍♀️

ElizaDee · 06/09/2019 10:22

Bisquick Thu 05-Sep-19 20:07:31
I didn’t ask her to move in because I don’t know when she is getting off and if that may be uncomfortable for her, so I just asked to sit on that seat. And she responded by asking me what category I belonged to.

The appropriate answer would have been 'none of your business, can you let me past please'.

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