AIBU toddler bitten 2 days in a row nursery

[Superfoodie123]

Hi

Please tell me if IBU.

My 21 month old recently moved to the toddler room at nursery.

This Monday they asked me to fill in an incident form, she had been bitten twice by a child when fighting on the slide. Fine, I'm not naive toddlers can be aggressive. Their first mention of it though was 'I need you to sign an incident form' not 'I need to tell you about something that happened to DD today. So they were treating it like a process very cut off.

Today I go to pick her up (She's not in tues and weds) the same thing happens 'I need you to sign a form' she was bitten again!

When I asked them why this keeps happening I.e is it the same kid doing it? (Not asking names) they are completely bewildered like they haven't thought to wonder why this has happened twice. I'm a bit concerned and I was brushed off when I asked if they are letting the parents know. I'm fed up for feeling like a 'difficult parent' everytime I show concern!!!

Is this normal? Should they have handled it better or should I let this go? The bites are bad!

Yanbu. Once ok these thing can happen. But twice in one week. And the lack of concern on their part would annoy me. You are entitled to know what's been done about it. What ashame got you dd. Kids will be kids. Or toddlers will be toddlers but she cant be constantly getting bit. U should push to know what they are doing about it.

Yes it's normal and some kids just do this at around that age.

That said they should be keeping a firm eye on the biter to stop them doing it again and again.

Biting is very normal and doesn't mean aggression necessarily. It just feels good to the kid to bite especially if teething. Can occur in some common situations like the kids being crowded together waiting to go through a door etc.

Obviously it's not nice to be on the receiving end but they will grow out of it. The nursery should have a policy e.g.positive focus on the 'victim'.

And yes maybe keeping the biter away from your dc or distracting them until they are past the biting stage

Biting at that age is perfectly normal but the Nurseries reaction seems very odd especially considering she's only been in 2 days this week and on both days she's been bitten.

I would be asking them to keep an eye on the situation it sounds like her and another child might not be getting along too well. They will know if its the same child and if that child is a biter. Of course they wont tell you about it which is fair enough but they should certainly be keeping an eye on the situation and trying to limit it happening especially considering she's not long moved into the room.

I've had a bitee and a biter at nursery.

In both cases it was taken seriously and I was given a rundown of the actions they were taking to avoid it happening again.

Twice in a week would not in itself worry me, but I would want to know what action they are taking. Yes it's a common phase in this age of child, but that doesn't mean the behaviour should be ignored.

Ugh, no it's not ok. They should be supervising 'jaws' more closely. The nursery are at fault here.

I've had the joy of being the parent of a 'biter'. It was only with one child, but several times. She never bit anyone else. Childminder made me feel so guilty. I even sent chocolates to the other mum to apologise. It was only when I pushed for more info I discovered this other child was constantly poking her in the face and sticking her fingers in to dd's mouth. Once I discovered that I told her she needed to teach the other child that wasn't allowed and I didn't want to hear any more about my dd biting. If someone stuck their finger in my mouth I'd bite them too.

Could your dd be doing similar?

Good evening ,

As you can probably see from my name I work in a nursery and I am currently a room leader in the Toddler’s Room from ages 24-36 months (2-3 years). As hard as I know it is to see your child with bite marks , biting incidents usually happen very quickly and sometimes with no reason. We try to encourage the toddlers to “ be kind” and give cuddles to our friends. We explain to them that biting isn’t very kind and show them that their friend is upset. We take the child away to apply first aid to the child who ha been bit and then take the child who has bitten away to play at a different activity to distract them. We currently have a few children that are biting and scratching and try our best to prevent it from happening but unfortunately we are not always quick enough to stop it.

Yanbu. Their lack of concern/care is

Yanbu. Their lack of care and concern isn't a great sign.
My nephew is a biter. The nursery called his parents to make them aware. If kids are biters then they should be watched more closely and kept away from others if they are inclined to bit particular individuals.
If it happens again I'd ask to speak with the manager as your dd shouldn't have to put up with this regularly whether it's normal or not.

I had a biter. It was hugely embarrassing and I was worried sick I'd be asked to take her out of nursery. Her keyworker said DD was so quick that even with her sitting right with her, she still managed to bite another child.

They will be letting the other parents know and they probably feel horrible. Mine stopped biting once she could speak.

Bites happen at that age but you can also have prolific biters with bigger issues. My child was bitten by one very nastily on the face and I knew who it was straight away much to the nurseries horror. Several kids had left due to this child. I said my daughter wasn't to be near him else she would be leaving too. They put him on 1:1 monitoring and he left shortly afterwards.

YANBU. It isn’t the biting in itself that would bother me - as PP have said, biting’s perfectly normal at that age - but I would expect more than ‘I need you to sign a form’. Obviously you aren’t entitled to know who the biter or biters are but I’d want to know a bit more about the circumstances that just ‘fighting on the slide’ and what steps are being taken to prevent it from happening again.

My DS was repeatedly on the receiving end of a biter. After a fair few instances of ‘signing the firm’ I was livid.
I would speak to the nursery or even the nursery manager every single time and write on the incident form you are concerned by how many times this is reoccurring and ask them to explain how they will be manage this more effectively going forward.

Dc1 was bitten two days in a row, a new child started and there was a sudden spate of biting as all the children learnt to do it. Dc1 and one other were the only ones who didn't bite someone else! It didn't happen again though as they kept a very close eye on the child who started it all.

I would speak to the manager and find out what the action plan is, or at what point they will implement one. You might not be able to completely stop it , because it depends on the circumstances ,but it should lessen the risk .

Hi there, I am a fully qualified Early Years Educator, now retired after 30 years working with toddlers. The attitude of your child's nursery is wrong. They should have explained the circumstances at the time the biting occurred, what they did to soothe your child and that they would inform the parents of the 'biter'. Biting usually happens before children can verbally express themselves and is due to frustration . However, I would be feeling just like you at the way you were approached by the nursery staff and lack of an explanation of what actually happened.

Thank you all. Your support and advice on this has been really helpful to me. Definitely understand it's normal, little ones are frustrated. Like most of you have said, my nursery have been blase and unhelpful and I will want to know what their approach will be if this carries on.

Our nursery actually held a parents' information evening about biting - it was very helpful!

YANBU - biting happens but they seem clueless and their attitude stinks. Can you arrange to speak to the manager?