Would you put up with this?

[ChubbyUnicorn]

Name changed!

Say you’ve met a man, he’s still married but separated, has a child with STBXW...
Exwife left him. She starts divorce proceedings as he’s dragging his feet but signs all the papers and agrees to everything.
You live with parents, no bills or rent, trying to save up. Man lives in ex marital home with all belongings from marriage still there. After 8 months into the relationship you ask him to move in with you so you can both save for a place as Man’s wages are all eaten up by bills, rent, child maintainence etc. Also all this time you pay for everything you do... days out, meals out, clothes for him, presents, extras for his child when they are there, holidays... He says no and you end up still spending all your time together but spread over the two houses. Bare in mind the child would have their own room in your/your parents house and the ExW is happy with it and thinks it’s a good idea too.
He still has family holiday pics including ExW on the mantel piece, one with them holding hands, he always still wears a piece of jewellery she got him when they first dated. They were together over a decaded and only been split a year when you met him.
He tells you he wants to get married and have more children from the beginning but around 18 months in you ask if you can get married and he bluntly says no I don’t want to. You ask if it’s too soon and he scoffs and walks out the room.
All the while you are paying for everything still.... you do loads together, nice days out, meals etc... but you foot the bill 99% of the time as he still refuses to leave the house he’s in, despite staying at yours more often than his, you’re not put on the tenancy or any of the bills.

You’d walk away right? Not sure I’d call him a cocklodger as he is still determined to keep his own place and space...

Sounds to me that you would be settling to accept this man.

@chubbyunicorn - was that my comment on being a fanny lodger? If so please report it and it will get deleted.

I’m afraid though, like teen love, the more you say they shouldn’t be together the deeper entrenched she will try to become.

@zippey
No not that, just you saying to let her live her life how she wants and that she needs to go through these pitfalls and things but herself. It makes sense really doesn’t it. We barely listen to other people, especially when we feel so strongly about something.

She needs a wake up call.

This man is showing her, in ANY of his words or actions, that he is a good man or the one. She pays for everything, and he contributes what exactly? Sex?

She needs to GET RID NOW. She'll waste years on this loser, who may still be grieving the loss of his marriage which is fair enough but have the decency not to strong someone along.

From op’s point of view it does sound very much like friend is a rebound but think of it from the males perspective a marriage of over a decade broke down with a child between them he met op’s friend and pretty quickly she’s talking about him moving into her family home with her parents and child have a room there when he has the boy now going on two years and there’s been some time between he may come around to the idea I agree she should not be paying for nearly everything though and that’s a big red flag to me when there isn’t any commitment between them really not is he being really honest with her whatever his thoughts are they certainly aren’t on the same page as her’s I think the best advice you can give your friend is a honest one and advise her to have honest talk with the guy about what he wants and if he really does want to move in togeather and when he ideally like to see that happen roughly and so on