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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for your help...

15 replies

RiskItBiscuit · 05/09/2019 06:22

In telling my friend I can't be a bridesmaid.

So, a friend of mine over a year and a half ago asked if I'd like to be a bridesmaid at her wedding when she wasn't engaged. Since then we have not spoken once. There's no animosity it's just one of those things you know?

Anyway, she's getting married to a man from abroad and are hoping to get married there and have a blessing in UK but they don't know when because of visas and the like.

My problem is two things - this year is crazy busy for me and I cannot really take the time off or afford to travel for this wedding. The other thing is since we haven't spoken I don't feel comfortable going ahead with being her bridesmaid. Another friend speaks to her often which is lovely so she won't be without.

How do I break this news?

OP posts:
StoorieHoose · 05/09/2019 06:28

Has she actually asked you since she got engaged if she hasn't spoke to you?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 05/09/2019 06:34

If you aren't really talking then surely you don't have to break the news, she won't ask you anyway.

Original poster
RiskItBiscuit · 05/09/2019 06:37

Oh so I forgot to put this is my OP - she's sent a message in the night basically saying "I remember asking you, so this is when the wedding might be" so she has yes. It's in a group chat with 3 others

OP posts:
Original poster
RiskItBiscuit · 05/09/2019 06:38

My fault sorry guys - that's important info Blush

OP posts:
Isleepinahedgefund · 05/09/2019 06:39

I'd focus on it not being practically possible ie can't afford it, don't have any leave left - I'd leave out the "I don't want to because I haven't spoken to you for a year" bit.

StoorieHoose · 05/09/2019 06:41

Private message her back and tell her the truth. Given that you have not been as close the last couple of years and your busy year ahead you will.be unable to be her bridesmaid.

EleanorReally · 05/09/2019 06:45

are you both normally very busy? too busy to catch up?

EleanorReally · 05/09/2019 06:45

have you been friends a long time?

Original poster
RiskItBiscuit · 05/09/2019 06:48

Yes we are quite busy and to be honest I don't see that it's been in either of our minds to catch up iyswim.

A good couple of years before she asked me I've known her for about 5 I think

OP posts:
Original poster
RiskItBiscuit · 05/09/2019 06:49

I think you're right in the PM her and I will - thank you for that suggestion!

It's now finding the right words and not hurting her feelings which I think it will... But I suppose better now than closer to the time

OP posts:
Thankgoodness1 · 05/09/2019 06:57

Just tell her that you’re struggling financially and you can’t afford the trip.

EleanorReally · 05/09/2019 06:59

why cant you go? honestly? are you sulking because you havent seen her?

Original poster
RiskItBiscuit · 05/09/2019 07:21

Honestly is it money and timing, particularly since there isn't a set in stone date but the proposed dates given are in the middle of exceptionally busy work times. I have no reason to be sulking with her because it's just one of those things we haven't spoken Smile

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 05/09/2019 08:01

asking you to come abroad for a wedding is a big ask

HostessTrolley · 05/09/2019 08:28

A ‘shit sandwich’ is generally a good approach when telling someone they’re not going to want to hear...

Tell her you’re really happy and excited to hear her news, but unfortunately you can’t be there because xyz, then wish her all the best for the day and the future

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