Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DSis for congratulating my friend?

30 replies

PapayaCoconut · 05/09/2019 01:22

My friend who lives in a different country has just had a baby. She and her husband had been struggling TTC for about 4 years and eventually went down the surrogacy route. I found out their DC had been born yesterday and was so excited for her I just wanted to tell someone. I was messaging with my sister at the time, so I told her the good news. She messaged me back: "That's lovely! I sent her a message saying congratulations!" I was a bit 🤔, as they've only met once. Now I feel really embarrassed, as my friend has not shared the news online so will know that I told my sister and maybe thinks I've been gossiping with my Dsis about her fertility problems! I mean, why else would someone she hardly knows from Adam send a message of congratulations, unless she was told the baby had been really long-awaited and difficult to conceive? I did tell my sister the baby was conceived by a surrogate. Do I owe my friend an apology, or would that be making a big deal out of nothing? I don't want to upset her at such a sensitive time.

OP posts:
Medievalist · 05/09/2019 01:51

She's probably got too much to think about at the moment to give it much thought. Though it does seem an odd thing for your dsis to do! It's done anyway so I'd just leave it. Apologising only draws more attention to it.

TimeForNewStart · 05/09/2019 02:21

It’s perfectly normal to congratulate people when they’ve had a baby. You are way overthinking this.

Tesbel · 05/09/2019 02:26

If I was your friend I would be thinking it a bit weird that your sister messaged me congrats and would wonderwhat had you been saying but then that's me.

I'd leave it until your if and when your friend says anything and then apologise and tell the truth you were so excited for her you had to tell someone

Winterlife · 05/09/2019 02:41

If I were your friend I would not view this negatively.

Rachelle11 · 05/09/2019 02:59

If I were your friend I'd think it was nice your sister congratulated me! I had random people congratulate me when we adopted our son. I was thrilled!

Monty27 · 05/09/2019 03:02

Nothing worse than a dsis jumping in big bananas cos they have your dfs contact details.
I feel for you.
Blush

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/09/2019 03:49

I think your friend will be a bit "wtf?" but generally ok - but it might be an idea to just drop her a message to say that you were just chatting with your sister and it came up, and then your sis did that, and you hope your friend doesn't mind that she knows!

I'd be 99% sure your friend will be fine, but on the offchance, it's worth a message.

Original poster
PapayaCoconut · 05/09/2019 04:43

Thanks everyone, really good to get some other views. Instagram has this newish "close friends" feature and I was getting updates about stories for close friends but noticed I haven't had any today so it's possible she may have removed me from the list of people who get to see updates... Blush (Or maybe she just didn't update today.) I'm so embarrassed but not sure whether to send a message, as I don't want to create any kind of drama at this time. I'm sure they've got plenty of that at the moment anyway as they're dealing with all the legal stuff and waiting to take the baby home. So annoyed with DSis for not thinking this through our even asking me before jumping in like a bull in a china shop...

My friend did post about her baby shower on Instagram for anyone to see, but that's the only baby-related post that DSis would have been able to access.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 05/09/2019 04:48

You are overthinking this. When people have a baby it's not exactly kept secret and it's perfectly normal to spread the good news. I had random friends of my parents and my dh parents send us congratulations and even cards so I wouldn't think it was odd. If she really thought about it she would know you had told your sister but that's normal.

LellyMcKelly · 05/09/2019 05:04

Your friend has just had a baby. Instagram is unlikely to be important to her right now.

LadyGAgain · 05/09/2019 05:28

OMG you are MASSIVELY overthinking this. Person has baby, sister of close friend messages to say congrats. New mum thinks "ahhh how kind". End of story. Move on!

whatswithtodaytoday · 05/09/2019 05:47

The man on the moon could have congratulated me when I had my baby, and I wouldn't have noticed or cared. In fact it would have made more sense than reality.

Also Instagram is unlikely to be a priority...

Original poster
PapayaCoconut · 05/09/2019 05:54

Thanks! Maybe I am overthinking it. I think I'll just leave it rather than bring any more attention to it.

OP posts:
RainbowsandSnowdrops · 05/09/2019 05:56

Bit of a non-issue, you of overthinking.

It’s not like your sister announced their baby news on social media. I loved all the congratulations, cards, flowers I got when DD was born even from people I didn’t know that well.

Yestermo · 05/09/2019 07:02

Of course its ok. I got congratulations from all sorts of people.

Aridane · 05/09/2019 07:02

Massive over thinking

NataliaOsipova · 05/09/2019 07:08

The sister of my uncle by marriage, whom I’d met once fifteen years previously, sent me a gift when I had my first baby. I was really touched and thought it was lovely that someone I didn’t know very well was so happy for me. Try not to worry!

BalloonSlayer · 05/09/2019 07:25

I had presents from all sorts of people who I hardly knew when I had my first DC. MIL's neighbour in sheltered housing crocheted a teeny blanket which I adored and used all the time, it was just the right size for a newborn. I was so upset when I washed it on too hot a wash and ruined it, I had been so thrilled that someone who had only met us a couple of times went to the trouble of making it. I hope I have kept it in the stash of newborn memorabilia, as a memory of the good wishes.

RedRec · 05/09/2019 07:29

I would think that any baby congratulations would be welcomed. Do not worry.

Rockos · 05/09/2019 07:36

Don’t message. Don’t draw anymore attention to it. Your dsis has over stepped the mark. How has she got her contact details if they’ve only met once? Take this as a good sign you can’t trust your sister and it’s probably a good idea to restrict her access to any of your friends contact details

BendingSpoons · 05/09/2019 07:38

When my DCs were born, friends of my parents who I haven't seen in 25 years bought us presents as they were excited about a baby. Your friend might have thought it was random but not much more hopefully.

Uniformuniformuniform · 05/09/2019 07:39

I think I would think oh how lovely of them to congratulate me then go back to my baby. Overthinking it OP. It's normal for people to tell others so and so had a baby. Only on MN do people get upset about the announcement. People have babies everyday and this whole huge announcements is only for the parents benefit. Everyone else says oh how lovely and gets on with their day. I've had 4 and never felt the need to do a huge social media post. I text a couple of people and if they told others then that's fine. I really wouldn't worry about it. I think people are now living life walking on egg shells for completely normal things

31RueCambon75001 · 05/09/2019 07:43

Not weird imo.
Id be very happy for friends of friends, sisters of friends etc even if id met them once. And if somebody i met once was happy for me in my good news id be touched!

NoSauce · 05/09/2019 07:55

Absolute non issue.

Huncamuncaa · 05/09/2019 08:05

I think you're overthinking it. It would have been far worse if you'd broken the news to someone she actually knew well, or plastered your congratulations on social media, and took the announcement from her. She wouldn't have told your sister so its no big deal. It's just a nice message and it doesnt imply you've discussed her fertility issues.

Swipe left for the next trending thread