to think that men are scary?

[Spanckd]

Long story short, I have been in a couple of abusive relationships, however have lovely kind loyal male family members (dad and brothers are beautiful men, as is my uncle etc). Regardless of this, I find men scary. I lock my doors on my car when a man walks past, I cross the road even in broad daylight if I am on my own and a man walks past, I always look over my shoulder and I find men generally very scary and intimidating. It affects me on a day to day basis. Am I mad for feeling this way? Is it maybe a result of abuse? Or do a lot of people feel like this?

You're not mad, you're traumatised.

I'm no psychologist, but there's a good chance you feel this way because of the abuse you suffered.

I'm wary of men in certain situations (e.g. walking home in the dark) but that's fairly normal, I think. I wonder if CBT would help you?

It’s certainly not unusual to feel wary of men when you’re a lone woman. Locking car doors and crossing the street in broad daylight does sound a bit excessive though and possibly anxiety as a result of having experienced abuse. Have you had counselling?

I think a lot of women take precautions at night or when walking in lonely places etc because they worry about potential assaults, but I think your fear sounds quite a bit more heightened than that. I think probably abuse/violence has a lot to do with your feelings, which sound a bit more extreme than most people's.

I am not frightened or nervous of men in general, but there are some very specific situations and very specific behaviours that bother me and they are definitely related to two things that have happened to me in the past (I was once assaulted in the street by a group of men and also had a very violent partner at one time).

What @eladen said.

No you’re not mad for feeling this way.

You are being irrational, because the vast majority of men will not harm you in anyway. But that said it only takes a minority of any group to make you feel scared of anyone who belongs to that group.

And it’s better to be safe and protect yourself from all men, because you’ll never know when you could find yourself in any danger.

Your attitude on dealing with this is the right attitude to have. The fault here doesnt lie with you. The fault here lies with the minority of men who have caused you to feel the way that you do. Those men are to blame, and those men exist. And those men are a real threat. And even though they may be small in number in a comparative sense, they are large enough in number for your fears to be justified.