To ‘see how it goes’ with DS in massive secondary schoo

[Stripyseagulls]

DS starts secondary tomorrow moving from a 1 form entry school to an 11 form entry school. It’s a massive leap & he’s so anxious & worried which is obviously really normal. But we are trying to move to a new area.

Aibu to potentially move him at the end of year 7?

we are thinking about moving from the city to the country but it’s not been possible yet with work. (I didn’t get a job I applied for).

Is it really bad to move at the end of year 7? It would potentially be to a much smaller secondary

Oh bless him! I wouldn’t say end of Y7 is a terrible time to move. It does sound though like this might not happen and if it does then it’s a way off. Focus on being positive about this school and having strategies to deal with the anxiety. Hope it goes well.

They all worry OP but children are remarkably resilient and can cope with all sorts of change. My DC moved to Australia at the ages of 11 and 7...new school and culture, I was worried but they were fine.

Even my very shy DD1 was fine.

Having said that...if you DO move at the end of year 7 he will also be fine...I remember kids arriving at my school around the age of 14 or so and slotting in well.

Whatever you do, do it for the right reasons. Worrying about your child in a large school isn't really a good enough reason to move to the country alone...living rurally has it's own challenges for children socially.

End of year 7 is fine to move! Year 9 onwards not so much from friends experience.

OP asked if it’s a really bad time to move. I meant no. It isn’t. @1CantPickAName

It’s the anticipation that’s worse than the actuality , always ! So keep quiet , do what’s needed and tell him with a short and certain lead time

We live " in the country" and children go from a 0.5 form entry to a 12 form entry. Some children (mine included) really loved going to a big school and thrived. I was more worried than they were. Good schools can be small or big...Give it some time first before deciding it will be terrible

Sorry @Wolfiefan, I misunderstood as soon as I posted

No worries @1CantPickAName I just didn’t want OP to think I was suggesting it was a pretty awful time to move. It really isn’t!!
Hope it goes well OP.

Agree the focus right now has to be on making the transition to the new school as positive as possible.

You haven't moved yet, plans may or may not come off; so if really isn't something to count on (or even talk about) at this stage.

I think a move at end year 7 would be fine , indeed possibly up to end year 8. Not after that, because of settling in and making GCSE choices. But if your preferred school at new destination teaches any of its GCSE courses over 3 years, then probably no later than Christmas of year 8

are you me? I'm feeling exactly the same but with DD. She loves the country, really outdoorsy etc and I feel I've done her a massive diservice living in the city . But other DD (younger) is opposite and loves the shops and friends nearby so not sure what to do, especially as I assume DD(11) will change tune potentially as a teenager.

It's so hard to know what to do. As a family, we need a change as none of us are really happy where we are, but just not sure what that change needs to be.

My DC's year group in secondary school was bigger than their whole primary school (semi rural area).It was ok though,the school organisation worked well creating smaller groups .

Although 11 classes might seem daunting often they split the year into two halves so they mainly mix with only half the year. I was worried about dd being in a large school but actually it has been great for her. She has been able to 'find her tribe' as it is big enough for her to find likeminded people to mix with and drift away from those she doesn't like so much. They don't just stay in their form group but at the same time there is some clustering so she might be with one friend in maths and science and then a different friend in humanities. Obviously if you are moving anyway then it is irrelevant, however I wouldn't just dismiss a school because it is small. There are also benefits for GCSE and A-level options as in a small school there may be insufficient to run say three different technology subjects whereas in a large school there are more likely to be enough students to make the GCSE class viable.

Sorry- dismiss a school because it is large!

I used to do the initial visits to Year 6 classes and I told them they needed to know two things, Where do I go for my lunch and Where do I go for a wee? Get those two things right and the rest will follow.

A comprehensive quite near me in a country town has 320 intake. Over 2250 on roll. It’s a hugely popular school and they work on a lower and upper school basis. It works very well. Some DC will have been to tiny village schools of around 60-100 DC. They have integration to the school just right and children settle. The huge advantage is that they have so many opportunities and do make friends. I really wouldn’t worry and I wouldn’t swap and change to get a perfect school. It’s a false promise!

Why do you want to move to the country?

Don't get me wrong, I grew up very rurally. It was great having the peace and quiet of the countryside, seeing the actual reality of farming, milking, crops etc. No phone, no fridge, no TV, no central heating. Frequent power cuts.

But my god, I missed out on so much. Never had any "play dates" (or "coming to tea" as we said then) because nobody in my house could drive. As you can imagine, this became more and more of an issue the older I got. There were no bus services to our village except for once a week (yes literally.)

I moved to a city as soon as I could and would never, ever, contemplate living in a small town/village again. If I feel the need, that's what AirBnB is for.

Although it is a huge adjustment for your DC, the anxiety is more yours I suspect. He will be equally as apprehensive as every other child starting y7, regardless of their primary experience. See how it goes before you make big decisions - he may well decide he loves the school and refuses to move and then you really have a problem!